Wednesday Whatever! Jan. 11, 2017

I’m going to tell you a true story. It’s a bit funny, a little sad, and a slice of my life as it is now.

It deals with the husband. Many of you know of him. I write about him sometimes. He’s had his share of hard times the last few years. Debilitating back pain, colon cancer and all that comes with battling that. Now we find out he has cataracts, in both eyes.

He is dealing with it all like a trooper. The man is strong in many ways.

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But…..sometimes our life is like a comic skit. A dark one, maybe, but a bit of dark humor never hurt anyone.

It happened one day last week. The morning started well enough. I mean, I managed to get up out of bed. I always figure that’s a good start to any day. I have a routine in the mornings. It helps to have a routine when you are still half asleep and need to do certain things first thing in the mornings.

I dole out the husband’s daily pills. So, I count out his pills and walk out to the living room where he is still sleeping. I put his pills in his daily pill container and still half asleep go to make my first, much-needed cup of coffee. Didn’t really look at the husband as he was buried under his blankets. Usual morning.

I grab my cup of coffee and head down the hallway to my home office. After firing up my computer I do what I normally do every day. I check out WordPress, briefly bring up Facebook, and then go into my emails. Same old, same old.

About an hour later I finally hear the husband’s shuffling feet coming down the hallway to his bathroom. Again, same old stuff. A few minutes later I hear him coming towards me. Probably just to say good morning. Ok. No problem.

He stops in the doorway, as our two fat cats have decided to lay in the open doorway and believe me, you can’t walk over both of them. They take up too much room. He stands there and starts talking to me. I only listen with half an ear because…well, I only had one cup of coffee and I’m reading….and well, ok, sometimes I’m a terrible wife.

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I glance over at him briefly when he asks me a question. Just a quick look. Then I do a double take. I sit back in my chair, grab my glasses to put on for a better look…..and ask him….What the hell did you do to your face!?

His face ….. it was cherry red with what suspiciously looked like hives! It looked terrible. I mean, really, it looked like it should hurt like hell.

This is pretty close to how our conversation went……..

“What the hell happened to your face?”

” Why?” (Rubs his face and grimaces)

“It’s red! And terrible looking! I also think you have hives!”

(Rubs his face again and looks at his hand) “Really? Must be from that cream you gave me.”

“I didn’t give you any cream.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Nope, I didn’t. So what cream are we talking about?”

“The cream you gave me. It was on my shelf.” (He has a shelf next to his bed where he keeps all his stuff.)

“I didn’t give you any cream!”

“You must have. Why would I have it then?”

“Why would I give you cream? I would remember if I gave you any cream and I don’t so I didn’t.”

“Then, why do I have it?”

Well, I had to admit that one had me stumped. So I get out of my nice warm, comfy office chair and say……

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“Show me this cream.”

We both shuffle back down the hallway to the living room where his bed and shelf are. And where this baffling, notorious, cream is. He digs around his shelf and triumphantly hands me this small tube that I swear I have never seen in my life!

As I’m trying to read the small print on this small tube I hear him say…..

“See! You gave me this moisturizing cream, so I used it last night on my face because my face felt dry.”

“I have never seen this tube before.” I murmur as I try to read the small print. When I read what it says I start to laugh.

“This isn’t moisturizing cream…..it’s shower gel.”

“Then why did you give it to me?”

“I didn’t give it to you! I would remember and I don’t, so I didn’t give it to you!”

“Then why do I have it?”

I just sigh and look at his poor face. I don’t know why he has it. It’s not something I would ever buy.

“Did you not read the tube before you used it?”

“I couldn’t make out what it said. I just assumed since you gave it to me that it was moisturizing cream. So I used it all over my face in the middle of the night and then went back to sleep.”

“Well, it’s shower gel. A cheap gel and obviously you are allergic to it.”

He uses his forefinger to scratch at a hive.

“Don’t scratch it! Go splash some warm water over your face to make sure the gel is all off. Don’t rub your face dry, pat it dry. You don’t want to irritate those hives.”

“Why would you give me shower gel?”

I grit my teeth and say, “I. Didn’t. Give. It. To. You.”

He goes slowly towards his bathroom, mumbling….”Well, I don’t know who else would give it to me. Had to be you.”

I just shake my head, throw the tube in the trash and give up the battle. We could go on for hours.

I get him a Benadryl for the itching and send him to the pharmacist to see if they had anything for the hives. They tell him just to keep taking the Benadryl and to use a cream they sold him for the itching.

He was miserable for a couple of days. I still don’t know where the cream came from. I have my suspicions but I gave up that particular battle. I did tell him to please…PLEASE….show me anything he wants to use or take before he does so I know it’s ok.

Welcome to my world……..

 

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Sam and Me ~~ Jan. 3, 2017

Sam has a comment about this winter weather we are having. Hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

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Kicking 2016 to the Curb

I hate to sound ungrateful. Really, I do….but I will be SO glad to see the end of 2016!

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I can’t wait for this horrible, terrible, bad year to come to an end. Can’t come soon enough for me. Not that I’m bitter……..

This was the year that the husband fought cancer, got sick on chemo treatments and was in and out of the hospital so many times I got to know the hospital’s emergency unit way too well.

My mom passed away. I miss her. We didn’t always see eye to eye on things. Ok, hell, we hardly ever did but she was my mother and the last few years we got close for the first time in our lives and then I lost her. Figures.

The husband and I fought the bureaucratic offices for any kind of help we could get just so we wouldn’t go without food or important medications. It was a hard, long fight but we won in the end.

Many good singers, actors, and people died this past year and much too early in life.

This was the year I saw an egotistical, hate spewing, bigot with a very limited and sometimes made-up vocabulary become the president-elect of the USA. I feel so scared for my home country and wince when I think of what is to come. (This is the only time you will ever read how much I dislike, distrust and abhor Trump on this blog. I keep my politics to myself)

Because of the constant stress, my health is not the best. I am a fighter, though, a survivor so I will get better and stronger this coming year.

I hardly wrote anything worthwhile. My plans for coming out with a few new books fell to the wayside with a loud thump. I could barely keep up with this blog, much less new books. It made me feel so…..wasteful. Wasteful of time and energy and my dreams.

Yes, 2016 was a terrible year. But, like all things it is temporary. A new year is fast approaching and I welcome it with a hopeful heart and a wistful soul.

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This coming year is when I plan to turn a few corners. With my health and with my writing.

I never make New Year’s resolutions. That’s just asking for failure. I have made a list of some things I want to work on this coming year.

Writing

Health

Diet

Mental health

These are just a few things I want to change for the better. I want to write those books. Lose those pounds. Become happier. Get my health back.

And take more time for my friends.

So, here comes 2017! About fricking time!

 

 

 

 

Monday Meeting ~~~ Dec. 19, 2016

Hello, People! Hope your weekend went well and you are all ready for the holidays.

It’s been a long time since I did a Monday Meeting. I also needed a venue to whine a bit today. Ha!

 

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I think this is the first time I was glad to see a weekend pass. Whew.

Saturday I wasn’t feeling well. Nothing serious, just blah and humbug. Early evening I felt a bit off after dinner. Then it dawned on me, I could feel my blood sugars plummeting. Which was weird as I just ate!

Yet, when my blood sugars get low there is a feeling I get, part nausea and part something else which is hard to describe. I kept feeling worse. I walked from one end of the house to the other to my bedroom to do a blood glucose reading. By the time I got the glucose strip into the reader with my drop of blood I was shaking like a snowflake being blown with that wind outside.

The reader only takes seconds to read and crap……I was dangerously low and still dropping. By the time I got back to the main part of the house I could barely walk. I tried to tell the husband to get me some juice….fast! But he didn’t understand me as I guess my speech was slurred.

He finally figured out what I needed and rushed to get me my juice. I was able to sit in the kitchen chair but he had to feed me my juice as I couldn’t hold it, I was shaking too much. Scared the crap out of both of us, I can tell you. I have never had my blood sugar drop so low so fast in the eight or nine years I’ve been a diabetic.

My body ached for hours afterward. It takes much more out of a person than you would think.

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Then, by bedtime the house was getting cool so before I went to bed, I decided to turn up the thermostat. The furnace wouldn’t come on! I knew the house had been getting cool. So I fiddle with the thermostat and the furnace and can’t get the thing to come on. Well dammit.

It’s below zero outside with the wind blowing like a banshee……and the furnace decides to stop working. Great…….

It’s too late to phone anyone and the husband is fast asleep and he knows nothing about furnaces even if he was physically able to do anything. So I decide to just go to bed and try to phone someone first thing in the morning. Sunday morning. Oh hell, it’s going to cost a bloody fortune to get someone on a Sunday to come over even if I can find someone.

So I go to bed worried about how I’m going to find someone in the morning and how I’m going to pay for it. Thank goodness for heating blankets is all I can say. Sam and I managed to snuggle close and stay warm through the night.

I get up Sunday morning to a cold house and a husband I could barely see under all his blankets. He asked me if I knew how to fix the furnace. Nope…..I tried everything I could think of the night before.

It’s 12c (53F) in the house and dropping. The wind outside is vicious. Snow blowing around. And Sunday morning. What do I do?

First I get dressed because it’s too cold to stay in a nightgown. Then I think…….and think…..and worry. Then I have an idea. Our previous Angel from last year who fixed our furnace. Loche (pronounced Lock)………

I hate to call him early Sunday morning but I had run out of ideas. So I find his number and give his cell a ring. He picks up and I tell him who I am and he of course, remembers me right off. I tell him the problem with the furnace after apologizing to him for calling. He says ‘no problem’ and walks me through a couple of things to check. Nothing…..the furnace just won’t come on.

In the meantime, he is also telling me he didn’t get home until 3 am as he was on call with his work on Saturday. Well, hell. I apologize again. I feel terrible that I’m troubling this kind man but I also tell him I didn’t know what else to do.

He decides he needs to come over and look at the furnace to find out why it quit working. He tells me he will be over soon. I thank him and hang up and tell the husband the good news.

Loche shows up less than an hour later after getting out of his warm, barely slept in bed. He takes a look at the furnace and after trying a few things he concludes the problem is the thermocouple. Without that piece, it won’t keep the pilot light lit. He looks in his bags of parts and says he didn’t bring one. No problem, he will go to Home Hardware and pick one up.

So off he goes into the cold, blowing wind to find the part.

About twenty minutes later he comes back with the part and in less than five minutes he has the part installed and the furnace running! I could have hugged him! Except well, I don’t really do hugs and he’s a very shy man and would probably die of bashfulness if I did. But I was tempted!

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This is about the third Christmas in a row that we have had a Christmas angel help us with vital home repairs close to the holidays.

He only charged me 30 dollars for fixing the furnace! Can you believe it?? Now if that’s not a Christmas miracle I don’t know what is. I gave him 40 dollars that I had saved and stashed in my room. I told him to go have a hot cup of coffee on us! He wanted to give me my 10 dollar change back but I wouldn’t take it.

We shook hands and he left to go help someone else because he was still on call for work. He took precious sleeping hours to come help us out…..again.

I felt humbled as I had been in a foul mood and not really into Christmas. Loche helped with lifting that mood. I am so very fortunate in my friends. They are so good to me.

Thank you. And damn it…..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

 

 

My Incomplete List of Small Pleasures ~~ Dec. 15, 2016

I have to admit to feeling a bit blue lately. Ok, a lot. I do get melancholy sometimes. I think we all do.

For the past month or more, it’s been more than melancholy for me. Like many people I usually get a bit down this time of year. A bit sad, a bit reflective. My mood has been even more than that. It borders on depression.

I had depression years ago. I mean I was down that dark, deep hole of blackness so far I thought I would never crawl out.

I did crawl out, though. It took me several years, a divorce and suicidal thoughts (not necessarily in that order)….but I did it. I crawled out and never crawled back in. I’ve been close to the brink of that hole a few times. I always caught myself before I fell in.

Many people see me as a strong woman. I don’t consider myself strong. I consider myself a survivor. Plain and simple. I survived my abusive childhood. I survived a rotten first marriage to a man bent on destroying me. I survived several attempts on my life. I survived….I survive…..I am a survivor.

But, am I strong? I don’t know. Most days I don’t think so. I certainly don’t feel it.

So today, I felt the need to write down some things I’m grateful for. Something for my soul to hold on to. Something to help this emotional cripple to keep waking up every morning. I find it helps…..sometimes.

I will not fall down that black hole.

 

The Incomplete

 

Friends. They make me smile even when I don’t feel like it. They make me think with the words that they write. They make me feel like maybe….just maybe….I’m not alone after all.

My dog Sam. He cuddles with me every night. He helps me feel like I mean something to someone, even if it’s just a small 8lb dog. Most days he’s the only other living thing that ever physically touches me.

Distractions. Books, blogs, writing, things that make me come out of my shell and look at things differently. Sometimes it helps to have a different perspective.

Optimism. Even though I’ve been staring at that deep, dark hole lately, in my heart there beats my optimism. I will be ok. Things will be ok. My life can change on a whim. It has before, it will again. Usually for the better. All things are temporary.

The holiday season. Even though I tend to get a bit down this time of year, my heart sings at all the good things that usually come out of this holiday season. The cheerful lights. The jolly Santa’s. The ever-present snowmen. The feeling in the air that things might….just might….improve. Human nature’s spirit is unquenchable. Even if this past year has been damn hard for many reasons for many people we as humans keep trying to move forward to make this a better place. The bigger the obstacles the more determined we are to overcome them.

 

So make your own list of small pleasures, even if it’s just in your own head and heart. It still makes a difference.

 

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