There once was a woman who wrote……..
Stories, poems, notes…….
She wrote and wrote and had a grand time…….
Putting words down for others to read…..
Was a habit, no wait, a need……
Now she has stopped because life got in the way……
Too much to do and little to say…….
Then the New Year came……
And she vowed it would not stay the same…..
Making a promise to write again with renewed vigor……
Only to find herself doing nothing but spewer…….
Silly little rhymes instead of something of note…..
So, I hope you’ll excuse my false little promise……
That I made in a moment of blitheness…..
I thought life would be different……..
But Life thought me too flippant…..
All I could come up with after thinking and plotting…..
Was this silly little poem that will make you think I’m dotty…….
Because the rhyming is all wrong ……..
And it’s silliness is overlong……
But, that’s all I got on this cold winters day…..
Is a dumb little poem that won’t garner any applause……
Named so appropriately, ‘There Once Was’………
Hello, People! Yes, it’s really me. Been a while I know. I haven’t posted anything since November 9th. I think in the five or so years of blogging this is the longest I’ve gone without posting a thing.
Honestly, I just didn’t have the energy or want to. I felt/feel drained. Totally used up. It’s not a pleasant feeling.
It’s been a hard year, hell, it’s been a hard couple of years. No one’s fault. Just the way life is.
I find myself moody lately, my temper easily set off. I’m not a pleasant person to be around right now. Just ask the husband. I snap at him and everyone else. I’m super sarcastic and just awful, to tell the truth. Hell, I don’t even like myself.
I’m tired of life giving me the finger. I’m tired of dealing with one crisis after another. I’m tired of NOT writing. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of having to make all the decisions and deal with the repercussions of my decisions. I’m tired of dealing with people who treat me like I’m an idiot just because I’m old, a woman, short and fat or whatever reason.
I’m tired of some people treating me and the husband like we are lepers and have something they might catch just because the husband had a stroke and lost his hearing aids and can’t hear very good. Yes, he had a stroke. Yes, he gets confused sometimes, yes he walks bent over like an old man, yes, he repeats himself……a lot. Yes, he’s sick and his next stroke might be his last. And ok, maybe you don’t like me personally. I’m fine with that. You don’t have to like me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.
BUT……he’s still alive, he’s still talking, eating, walking, carrying on conversations (limited I know but still doing it). Yet he gets ignored and left alone and there is nothing I can do about it. I realize people have their own lives to live. That is no reason to forget about someone who is supposed to be a friend or relative.
I just don’t understand people. Maybe that’s why I don’t like most people.
Whew! That was quite a rant. I have felt it boiling up in me for weeks. Maybe I’ll feel better now that I’ve ‘blown’ so to speak. Maybe not.
Now that my rant is out of the way. And no, I’m not apologizing for it. It is how I feel. I don’t tell people how I REALLY feel often enough. That might change.
As for the husband. He’s still weak. Still can’t use his right hand. But, he does seem to be getting stronger. God knows he’s more stubborn. Some days are good and he can carry on conversations and stay with it. Some days not so much. Some days he’s super argumentative. Some days happy and joking around like he used to. It’s a bit of a roller coaster ride.
As for this blog. I’m continuing it. I’ll be writing more (fingers crossed). I’m not sure what I will be writing. I’m hoping more stories, more fiction, more poetry (even bad poetry) and fewer rants and raves.
I’m needing to get back to writing. It helps ground me.
I’m not trying to find the old me. She’s gone. Like the past year, gone forever. I am looking to find the new me. The one that is a bit wiser. A bit more settled. A bit happier.
I want to thank all my friends who have asked after me. Asked about the husband. And never judge.
I want to thank all the readers who no matter how erratic my posting was, read what I wrote.
I want to thank everyone who will be back again next year to help me grow into a better person, friend, and writer. It’s good to have you with me.
Happy New Year’s Everyone!
You’re probably wondering about the title of this post, eh? I know it’s kind of strange but all will become clear soon.
As many of you know, my husband had a stroke about three weeks ago. After battling cancer and a bad back, now this. He’s had a rough five or six years. He’s one tough man. Although I think he’s met his match this time.
The stroke left his right arm and hand almost useless. Which for him is very frustrating as it’s, of course, his prominent hand. At the best of times, this is a man with very little patience. Now, oh boy, he’s frustrated as hell.
We learned when he was in the hospital that this is actually his third stroke. He has had two prior ones we didn’t know about. This last one also occurred in the exact same some spot of the brain as the last one. I don’t know how that works on the brain with strokes but it was my understanding this one on top of the other is not that common.
Leave it to him to be different.
It’s also usual to have a stroke and then have the opposite side of your body affected. Again, the husband has to be different. The strokes all happened to his right side of the brain and affected the RIGHT side of his body. Most unusual.
I’ve noticed some changes in his personality since the stroke. I would guess this is normal. They are a bit subtle but there nonetheless. After his stroke, the doctors changed his pain meds. He was taking oxycodone. Now he’s on Hydromorphone which is derivative of morphine. It actually seems to work better for him.
When I brought him home last Friday I thought I could handle it. I figured it wasn’t going to be much different from what it normally is. I had to do pretty much everything then, I figured how much can it change? Oh, how naive I was!
I have to dress him, help him eat (usually just cut up big pieces for him) and other, personal things. I won’t go into detail. Just let’s say his personal space is no more. Sigh.
It’s damn hard. On me, mostly. Especially when he falls, which he has done three times last week. The most recent one was this morning. At 3 am, I finally broke down and called 911 as I knew there was no way I could get him up off the floor by myself. He fell outside the bathroom which is a narrow hallway. He is too weak to help much. His legs don’t want to work right and without his one hand and arm, well forget it. He wasn’t getting up.
The other times he was in the living room and I could maneuver his walker to him so between the walker and me we got him up. That was not going to work this morning.
This is where Sam, the wonder dog comes in. Now, Sam is just a little guy. Weighing in at about nine pounds, ten at the most. He sleeps with me in my bedroom, always has. My bedroom is on one end of the house. I keep my door closed as I can’t sleep if I hear the tv. Which for the husband has to be on 24/7. I also have to sleep in a cold room with a fan going.
The husband has a bed in the living room. Which is right next to my bedroom. Unfortunately, I still cannot hear him if he falls. Sam lets me know when the husband falls. Which is strange because the husband has fallen before he had the stroke and Sam never let me know. But now, he wakes me up. I think he realizes it’s more important now then it was before. As before the husband could usually get back up himself and him falling happened rarely.
Even when he fell in the hallway this morning, Sam woke me up. He is my little hero. I walked out to the living room and noticed that the husband’s bed was empty. Sam took off to the hallway so I knew to follow and that’s where I found the husband. Poor man, he’s kind of banged up on this one. He has a cut over one eye and bruises.
He managed to take his walker to the bathroom but for some reason decided to try to get back to bed without it. Didn’t work well. Down he went. He doesn’t remember how long he was on the floor, just knew it had been a while.
There is, however, a tiny little ray of hope in all this. I believe I have found the main reason he has been falling. It only happens in the middle of the night. And only when he takes two sleeping pills. So……I did a little experiment this past week. For a couple of nights, I only gave him one sleeping pill. (Much to his disgust). Those nights he DIDN’T fall. He managed to get up, go the bathroom and get back to bed in one piece. Last night he insisted I give him two sleeping pills. He fell.
No more two sleeping pills a night. I even talked to the home nurse yesterday and she agreed with me, that it was possibly the sleeping pills that are making him fall. As far as I’m concerned, last night proved my theory.
My gut told me this was the case, I always listen to my gut.
So this has been our life lately.
As for me, personally. I’m tired. I’m more than tired. I’m exhausted. But, I will go on and do what I must because no one else is going to do it for me. The husband is a good man, whose had a bad run of luck on his health. I will be there for him.
That’s the least I can do.
As for Sam, he got an extra treat today. Good boy, Sam!
I’m so sad and sorry to find out just minutes ago that our writing friend and blogger Kim Floria of Silentlyheardonce has died. I don’t know all the details as of yet but I do know she had been in the hospital for quite a while as her lung cancer came back and I believe it spread.
Kim was a great writer and an overall nice person. I feel such sadness at her passing. I called her friend as she always had something nice to say and a way of departing wisdom. If any of you fellow bloggers know if you knew her.
She will be sadly missed here in my blogging world.
Hello People. Hope your end of the week is a good one.
Why I’ve been so quiet on here lately is not good. I wish it was good news but it’s not. The husband had a stroke. Yeah, it’s been the shits. He hadn’t been feeling well since Thanksgiving (Canada’s Thanksgiving). For a few days, he was confused and disoriented. I should have taken him to the doctor then but he refused to go.
Sunday night I couldn’t rouse him from his sleep. He had been asleep all day. Not even getting up to go to the bathroom. Anyone who is in their mid-sixties knows this is not natural. We got to go pee often. One of those age things.
Anyway, he hadn’t even moved positions and I was getting concerned so I tried to wake him up…..and couldn’t. He was breathing but he wasn’t waking up entirely. I managed to get him to open his eyes a bit but he couldn’t talk when he tried to. That’s when I knew I needed to call an ambulance.
He did manage to wake up enough to realize the EMS guys were there but he wasn’t able to speak very well. So off they went and I followed a few minutes after. I was with him in the ER from about 8-8:30 pm Sunday night until they told me to go home and rest about 4 am Monday morning. He was pretty much out of it when I left. He couldn’t talk and his right arm wouldn’t move, plus, his right hand was swollen about twice its size.
I went home but I didn’t sleep. How could I? I rested as much as I could and was back to the hospital Monday morning.
I didn’t know any more than I did early that morning until I could talk to the doctor. I finally was able to after a couple of hours of watching him drift in and out of a restless sleep. They had done a CT scan of his head and lungs as he was having some difficulty breathing. They also did a whole bunch of blood work the night before.
The first day…..this is what they knew for sure……he had a bad lung infection and his kidneys weren’t working as they should. They weren’t confirming yet that he had a stroke but in my heart, I knew he did. He was put on two antibiotics and a saline drip as he was also highly dehydrated.
He was able to talk a bit better but his speech was very slow and a bit garbled. He couldn’t use his right arm or hand. The doctor said they could tell from the CT scan that he had a couple of prior strokes in the past but they couldn’t tell if he had one now. There was a couple of different tests they wanted to do. Let me tell you I was scared for him. He was in pretty bad shape.
To make a really long story short. They are now saying he DID have a stroke along with his lung infection. They were worried about his kidneys and liver as neither one was working as it should. The right hand being swollen they couldn’t really explain.
When I left him yesterday his speech was back to normal. His right hand was no longer swollen and he had mobility in his right arm. They still had him on antibiotics. Also, now his blood pressure is high and they were giving him shots to bring it down. This is a man whose blood pressure was always on the low side. Not good.
And he’s not eating. He hasn’t had anything to eat since Saturday. He took one bite of his cheese sandwich yesterday at lunch and that was it. I couldn’t get him to eat anything else. Of course, we all know what hospital food is like. His was even worse. He had a bowl of soup. It was supposed to be soup. I think. Everything he eats or drinks has to be thickened up because of his lungs. If it’s not thick it will go INTO his lungs instead of his stomach. Not good. But, omg, that was some nasty so-called food.
I felt so sorry for him.
He wants to come home. They have no date as to when he will be released. I won’t see him until tomorrow morning as I am exhausted and I have so much to catch up on here at home. He understands. I’ll take him his clothes then. I’m hoping I will know more then also. We shall see.
Anyways, that’s been my life lately. If you have any extra good thoughts to send the husbands way, please do. We will both appreciate it.
Now I am off to do laundry and dishes. Sighhhh
Hello everyone! I hope that those of you who celebrated Canada’s Thanksgiving yesterday had a good one.
Here are this week’s questions and my answers from Cee’s Share Your World.…….
What do you consider is the most perfect food for you? (It can be your favorite food to something extremely healthy.)
Hands down it has to be peanut butter. I love creamy peanut butter. It’s also the food I mostly lived on after my divorce many years ago. It was all I could afford at the time. A jar of peanut butter and a loaf of bread was my way of surviving. Now I use it as a way of upping my sugars if my blood sugars get too low (I’m diabetic). But, it’s also comforting. The smell, the taste just brings me comfort when I’m down.
Are you focused on today or tomorrow?
Both, I think. I’m always in the ‘now’ but I can obsess about the tomorrows. Especially now that I’m older. I think about tomorrow a lot. Sometimes it gets a bit scary and I have to put it out of my mind and concentrate on today.
If you could interview one of your great-great-great grandparents, who would it be (if you know their name) and what would you ask?
I barely knew my grandparents, much less great-great-great ones. I think I would love to interview the ones on my mother’s side of the family. They were Native Americans and I would love to have their ‘take’ on things back then. My Native American ancestry has always interested me the most. As for what I would ask them, most likely just let them tell me about how life was back then, the changes that came later and general life experiences.
Do you know about your ancestors? Let me know!
Hello, everyone! First, let me give you a quick update on our snow. We got lots! Here’s a pic of what I woke up to this morning after it snowed all day and most the night.
I’m not shoveling either! Mother Nature put it there she can take it away. It might take a while as even though the sun is shining and we have bright blue skies today it’s only -3c or 27F. I’m patient….I’ll wait.
Now on to Cee’s Share Your World!
If you were given the opportunity to ride in a helicopter would go?
Oh yes, I would! I have always wanted to take a ride in a helicopter. Looks like great fun!
What are some of your favorite type of proteins to eat? (meat, seafood, eggs, soy, cheese, nuts)
I love cheese, nuts, seafood, chicken. I’m not much of a beef eater. I love eggs too but lately, they don’t love me. I have to watch my nut intake as it tends to raise my blood sugars. Moderation in all things.
What would be your preference, awake before dawn, at dawn, or awake before noon?
When I was younger I used to get up just before dawn to watch the sunrise with a hot cup of coffee. Now, eh, the dawn comes and goes and I’m still in bed. I don’t sleep well, haven’t for years so sometimes I don’t fall asleep until dawn. I am always up by 8:30 or 9 no matter what time I fell asleep.
So, there it is for this week. Hope everyone is having a good day.
Hello folks! I just had to show everyone the snow we are getting right now. Our first snow of the season….what the hell happened to fall?
Hope all is well where you are and may peace and love be in Las Vegas today.
Hey, everyone! This week you get two weeks worth of Cee’s Share Your World in one! Aren’t you lucky duckies.
I had been having computer problems for a while when last week my computer decided to keep giving me the dreaded blue screen. I would be in the middle of something and POOF! Off it would go and up came the blue screen. Very frustrating. I finally had to break down and get a new one. Such an expensive pain but I can’t live without one….sooooooo……..I deal with it.
Needless to say, I missed doing SYW last week so I decided to combine this week and last weeks into one. Here goes……..
Complete this sentence: I want to learn more about …
Everything I’m interested in. Like, writing and painting. I would also love to learn more about my ancestors. My parents were not ones to talk about family. Most of them they ignored and feuded with. So, I don’t know a lot about the past or ancestors. Both my parents are gone now and even when I did ask my mothers questions she either would say she didn’t know or ignore the questions. I have no idea where to start but I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately.
On a vacation what you would require in any place that you sleep?
What is this ‘vacation’ you speak of? Well, when I used to have them or afford them and actually go somewhere I always needed a fan. I need that white noise and the air circulating to sleep. Although truth be told, I have never been able to sleep well in strange rooms or beds. I need my own.
What is your greatest extravagance?
I just bought it! Computers. I must have my computer and for me, in my money situation, it is an extravagance. So, I save, tighten the belt in other areas and buy it.
What is your favorite outdoor activity?
Going indoors. LOL I’m not much of an outdoor person anymore. I used to be when I was much younger. I would go camping and ride bikes and such. Haven’t done any of that in many years and don’t want to. I’m basically lazy. I don’t like bugs and am allergic to bees. I do sit outside when it’s nice with Sam (my dog) and watch the birds and the dragonflies. We had a robins nest in our front yard bush this summer. I would sit out and watch momma and daddy bird bring the three babies worms and bugs. I watched the babies first flight out of the nest too. I had to keep Sam from chasing the poor little things but it was exciting to watch.
In a car would you rather drive or be a passenger?
It depends. If I don’t like someone’s driving, I would rather drive. Even though I don’t do it a lot. I have no sense of direction. So if I don’t know exactly where I am going or haven’t been there a dozen times I get lost. It’s so embarrassing. I get lost so easily. I have even gotten lost going someplace I have been to lots of times, like the hospital. I still can’t drive there myself. I get lost. It’s bad folks.
If you could have three wishes granted for you alone, what would they be?
I’m going to add a fourth wish here:
How is your week going? Anything newsworthy? Let me know!
Hello from smokey Alberta Canada! Yeah, we got smoke coming from all over with the grass fires. Where I am we have them south, west, north, and northwest of us. One is getting closer. It’s been so hot and dry this summer. We need rain, so if you got some to spare, send it my way!
On to more pleasant news and a completely selfish note…..It’s my birthday today! (Sept. 12) Hey, I’ll promote myself….I’m not that way. LOL
Now on with Cee’s Share Your World!
Would you want $200,000 right now or $250,000 in a year? It’s safe to assume all money is tax-free.
Honestly, as broke as I am, I’d take the 200,000 now. Also, as old as I am now I might not be around next year. ha! I need to redo my bathroom. There seems to be a leak somewhere under the tub and it all has to be torn out and replaced and I can’t afford to do it. So, yeah, I’ll take 200,000 now.
Is it more important to love or be loved?
How can a simple question be so complicated? Hmmmm. I’m thinking it’s more important to love. I know I can manage without being loved in return. Been there, done that. For me, I have to love someone or something. Like my dog Sam. I have a lot of love stored up and I need to give it. It helps me become a better person as a whole being.
List things that represent abundance to you.
I’ve been poor most of my life, on the verge of being homeless once too often. So abundance to me is a roof over my head that I can afford to pay for. Heat in the winter. My animals. My friends. Having enough food in the house so we don’t go hungry. (There was a time when that was not possible) So abundance to me is having these things.
What inspired you this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
The resilience of human beings. Knock us down 100 times and we’ll get up 101 times. Mother Nature did it’s damnedest this past couple of weeks to test us, with hurricanes, floods, fires, and earthquakes and we still get up again, help each other out, and keep moving forward. No matter how many others want to keep us down, whether it be mother nature or other men, we will come back fighting and stronger than ever. (Take note you despots of the world)
Everyone who was in the hurricanes or in the path of the many, many fires….stay safe, stay strong and reach out. There is always someone willing to help.
Hello, People! I hope that everyone that celebrated Labor Day had a good long weekend. Also, those of you that have kids going back to school today I wish you peace and quiet to relax in. 😉
Now let’s answer Cee’s Share Your World questions!
What color do you feel most comfortable wearing?
When I was younger I never wore anything but dark clothes. Blacks, grays, blues, you get the picture. Now and for the last several years I wear the rainbow! I love bright clothes now. Reds, purples, light blues, emerald-green, even orange. Seems the older I get the braver I become in colors. I want bright, cheery ones.
What is your favorite type of dog? (can be anything from a specific breed, a stuffed animal or character in a movie)
Any dog that is around me. I love all dogs. I used to raise German Shepherds years ago. Now I have Sam, who is a Shih Tzu/Bichon mix. I have had Dachshunds, Pekingese, and mixed breeds. I just love them all.
List at least five favorite flowers or plants.
What inspired you this past week? Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination.
Reading all the uplifting stories of heroes of the Harvey storm. People truly are good. I cried about animals being rescued and laughed at the ‘angry cat’ picture. (I do hope that poor cat made it). I’m so glad there were so many unsung heroes rescuing animals and of course people.
“The undiscovered places that are interesting to me are these places that contain bits of our disappearing history, like a ghost town.” ~~ Ransom Riggs
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