A Conversation With a Telemarketer

Exciting title right? Yeah, I know. But, this wasn’t just a run of the mill conversation. I had fun with him. Really I did. It happened several years ago and I’m not sure why I remembered it just as I was going to sleep last night. It was strange, I didn’t even get a telemarketing call yesterday. So I have no idea what made me remember it so clearly. Anyhoo, several years ago I had this conversation with a telemarketer.

Let me set it up first, okay. Number one, I have a soft voice. Back when this happened my voice sounded very young on the phone. I used to get teased by my family and friends all the time. I just plain sounded like a little girl. A very young little girl. Used to drive me crazy. Every once in a while it still happens to me. But that day it happened three times! People would call and when I answered they wanted to speak to an ‘adult’. To my Mother or Father.

I was living on my own and it was my phone that they called. The first two times it happened I had to explain to them that I was the adult. Now, the first two callers weren’t telemarketers. They were business people who truly wanted to talk to me. Just my voice sounded so young they had to be convinced I was who I said I was. Which was getting very frustrating by the time the telemarketer called. Which is my excuse for doing what I did. I was frustrated. So, here is how the conversation went.

Ring, Ring

“Hello?”

“Hello, this is blablablabla, I would like to talk to the adult in the house.”

“Who do you want to talk to?”

“Is there an adult there I can talk to young lady?”

**This is when that evil little imp jumped on my shoulder and started telling me what to say**

“Mama’s busy.”

“Is your daddy there?”

“Daddy went to work.”

“Can you ask your mother to come to the phone?”

“No, she’ll get mad. She always said that when one of my uncles was there not to bother her.”

“You’re uncle is there? Where are they? Can I talk to one of them?”

“They are in Mama’s bedroom. I’m not suppose to go in there when the door is closed.”

“Your mother and uncle are in the bedroom?”

“uh huh”

*There was a hesitation then. I was trying really hard not to laugh out loud in the phone, or my gig was up!*

“How old are you young lady?”

“I’m five!”

“You’re five? And you’re alone?”

“I’m not alone! Mama and Uncle Charlie is in Mama’s bedroom! I can hear ’em. They is making noises in there. Mama says they play games in there.”

*Another hesitation*

“Do you know how to call your daddy at work?”

“I can’t. Daddy don’t like it.”

“Maybe you should call him. Can you do that?”

“No! He and mama both gets mad if I play with the phone.”

Do you have many uncles?”

“Oh yes! I got lots and lots of uncles. Some even give me presents ย or candy! They tell me it’s our little secret and not to tell daddy.”

“Um, do all your uncles go into the bedroom with your Mother?”

“Uh huh, they all like to play games in there. But Mama says it’s grown up games and not for little girls.”

“She leaves you all alone while she plays with your uncles?”

“Yeah, but it’s okay, I got my toys to play with.”

“Can you tell me your address? Where you live?”

“I dunno.”

“Do you know your address?”

“uh huh”

“Tell me your address then. I tell you what, you want another present? Tell me your address and I’ll give you a present.”

“Really??”

“Oh yes, wouldn’t you want a present?”

**Now by this time I am really cracking up. I am having a hard time not laughing in the phone. I’m not sure if this guy wants to report ‘mama’ to the police or come over for a visit!**

“I like presents. Their fun.”

“Well tell me your address and I promise I will get you the best present a little girl could want!”

“Wellllll okay.”

And then I proceeded to give him my ex husbands address. I know, I know. That was really mean of me! I sure in hell wasn’t going to give him mine! Oh my, I laughed on and off all day after that conversation. I often wondered if he reported it to the police or went to visit my ex. Hahaha, guess I will never know. All though I never got a return phone call from that particular firm that he was representing. Hehehe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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26 thoughts on “A Conversation With a Telemarketer

  1. Hilarious! I’m glad you remembered so you could share this story. I’ve often wanted to mess with telemarketers myself, but now that I only have a cell phone I’ve moved to just not answering a call unless it’s a number I recognize.

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  2. My favorite telemarketers are the guys and gals from India who call and introduce themselves as “Chuck” or “Kelly”. I make it my point to only give them some information if they give me some information – like their real, Indian name (I happen to think that there in not one person in India who doesn’t have an awesome name). Then i become like Hannibal Lecter and everything is Quid Pro Quo – I will let you know my average monthly income if you let me know why you chose Chuck as an alias. I’ll tell you how much a month I spend on XYZ if you tell me how you feel about your name/hat name would you have if you has a choice etc. They guys usually don’t want to play after a couple of questions, but evey now and then one of the ladies seems to really appreciate the attention.

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        1. JackieP

          oh most definite! I lived in Texas for several years. I pick up on accents really quick. So I had a strong Texan accent for many years. Still do when I get upset or with certain words. But the guys up here like it ๐Ÿ˜‰

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  3. Cruel AND hilarious. I once heard an NPR report about a guy who did things like that to telemarketers. The one that made me laugh out loud was a carpet cleaning company calling him. He got all breathless and asked if they could get out blood. He wanted them to come over immediately. And did they do curtains too? There was a lot of blood. I remember the cops did end up on his doorstep. Still cracks me up.

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  4. I laughed all the way through this. What a great story. I had an opposite situation with telemarketing. I was desperate for a job, had two small children to support, so I gave in and took a telemarketing position. I hated every minute of it btw. Anyway, I was supposed to be signing people up for a credit card, platinum gold or something. So in order to qualify you had to have $250,000 or more annual income. Who wants to share this information with a stranger? So most gave me a hard time and my bosses were listening on the calls telling me what to say to get them to sign up. I knew they weren’t going to, but I needed the pay so I went along with this.

    finally, one day I had only a couple minutes till my shift was over. I get this man who decides to play along. He’s friendly but I knew this wasn’t going to be a sale. My boss gets really excited that I’ve got this one hooked because he keeps talking to me. So they are telling me what to say. All I want to do is go home to my babies. Finally, past my shift the man gives up and tells me he had fun and he decided today to talk to someone who called during his dinner time to keep them from making more calls rather than yelling about it. I then shared with him that my shift ended almost 20 minutes ago. He thought that was great. I had interrupted his dinner and he kept me from going home.

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    1. JackieP

      Bosses sometimes can be a bigger pain then others. I think you have to be a certain type of person to do telemarketing. It wasn’t for you, and it wouldn’t be for me. I try not to be mean or anything. I usually just say “thanks but not interested” and just hang up. I realize it’s just a job and someone has to do it. I was having a bit of fun and no one got their feelings hurt. ๐Ÿ™‚

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    1. JackieP

      Oh I don’t know girl. You could still have fun with it. Ha! I don’t get it as much as I used to thank goddess. But, I still have a soft voice and sometimes it drives me crazy. ah well. Glad you enjoyed it!

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      1. Oh being shocked has never been a negative for me! Mean…sure! But those ex-es…they deserve everything they get. I don’t mean that in a bitter way, just they have been dishing it out for so long, and you sit and take it yet again..its nice to a play a little trick when one can!

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        1. JackieP

          Being shocked has never been a negative for you? Good thing! I tend to shock sometimes.
          Donโ€™t get me wrong. Exโ€™s donโ€™t always deserve scorn or everything they get. Iโ€™m not bitter. It was what it was. He was not a good husband. Plain and simple. It was more a spur of the moment thing.

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