Twas the Night Before Christmas (My Version)

Twas The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the towns

Not a blogger was writing, not even Le Clown.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that our pets would not chew and tear.

The Children were  nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of x-box games warred in their heads.

My dog Sam in his ‘kerchief and me with a drink,

Had just settled  down without so much as a  blink.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clamor,

Sam sprang with a growl and I with a hammer.

Away to the window we flew like a flash,

If it was a burglar he was going to get smashed.

The moon on the mounds of new fallen snow

Gave the shine of mid-day to objects below.

When, what to my blood shot eyes should appear,

But a damn little man carrying eight cans of beer!

With a sigh and a feeling of being sick,

I knew in a moment it was my neighbor being a dick.

More vapid and stupid is this person next door,

As he whistled and sang a course song about whores.

Now hooker! now, harlot! now, floozy and vamp!

On, trollop! on, hussy and strumpet and tramp!

Let’s all have a party! Let’s all have some grass!

I’ve got the cash, the beer and the brass!

As the snow flew and whirled inside, I shook my fist and muttered a sigh.

And then in a twinkling, I heard my door open

In came the neighbor with his eight beers as tokens.

I gasped and I drew in my breath to give him a shout,

when I got a good look at what else was about.

He was all dressed in black, from his head to his toes,

And his clothes was a tux, with a big red rose.

This man in the back that followed the lout,

he looked like a god, as he carried his stout.

His eyes how they sparkled! His dimples how dreamy!

His face  was a models, his nose long and leany,

His strong mouth was turned up in a grin,

And the cleft in his chin made my heart spin.

His strong body held straight, with muscles so tight,

It’s then I remembered my hair looked a fright.

He was handsome and smart, a man of my dreams,

And I drooled just a little and wanted to scream.

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to work,

He fingered my stockings, then turned to the jerk.

And laying a finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, he rose up and strode,

He shoved the neighbor outside of the door,

Then came back and hugged me once more.

He gave me a cuddle, a kiss and a gasp,

Then he carried me off like man of great class,

I heard him exclaim as we went out of sight,

“Happy Christmas to all, We are off for a great night!”