Today’s daily prompt was this:
Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favorite thing about yourself.
I’ve always had trouble tooting my own horn, patting myself on the back, giving myself kudos for something. I’m the second hardest person on me, my mother is the first. haha! Truth! So I thought today’s daily prompt would be a challenge. I also thought maybe, just maybe it was time to toot my own horn for a change.
I’m an optimist. Yes, I’m that dreaded person who always sees the good in a situation. Maybe not right away. Because there is some pretty bad crap going around. Eventually though I see the good. If I see a glass half full of water, I don’t see it as half empty. I don’t even see it as half full. I see it as you were thirsty and drank some water so let me get you some more!
I have to admit I haven’t always been this way. There was a time in my life that I only saw the bad. Always. Period.
I went into that black hole called depression. I was so far down in there that I didn’t think I would ever get out. Hell, I didn’t want to get out. I liked it down there. It was a love/hate relationship I had with depression for a few years.
It got so bad I went weeks without getting dressed. Weeks without taking a shower or washing my hair. All I did was smoke and think of all the terrible things that happened to me. That were sure to happen to me in the future. I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I was sure everyone was out to get me. I couldn’t even open the front door and walk to the mailbox on the curb. I was sure if I did something terrible would happen to me. I was so sure of this!
Then one day I found myself sitting in a dark room with a gun in my hand. Yeah, it got to that point. I didn’t want to be around any longer. My husband at the time was anything but a good husband. I had lost 4 babies. My body would not carry them past 8 weeks. I was tired, lonely, and so far into that black hole I saw no way out. Except the permanent way. I was more then ready. I wanted it. No note, nothing left behind but a shadow no one thought about.
Do you believe in miracles? No? Neither did I. Till that day. I was so ready to die. To just blank out all the pain. I sat there with that gun and was ready to leave a world that hated me. I closed my eyes. Getting ready. Then I heard a noise in the room with me.
I opened my eyes and stared into 4 pairs of big brown trusting and loving eyes. They circled the chair I was in. Just sitting there staring at me in a small semi-circle in front of me. Four big and small dogs that just sat there and looked at me. They didn’t bark, they didn’t whine. They just looked at me. It was like they asked me who would take care of them if I do this thing. Who would love them like I did. I rescued every single one of those dogs from a terrible situation. Now they rescued me.
I stared at those trusting and loving animals and put that gun away. I cried and hugged them all. They licked the tears from my face and I vowed that day that I would get myself out of that black hole and never ever go back there again. No one was worth that kind of darkness. No one was worth that kind of pain.
I kept that promise. I took care of those dogs up till their dying day. They took care of me also. It wasn’t always easy to crawl my way out of that black hole. But I did it. Every day I would make the decision to be positive. To have a positive attitude. Sometimes I slipped. But I never dropped into that hold again.
Now, I always have a positive attitude. No matter what happens in my life. My motto is, everything happens for a reason, and all things are temporary, especially the bad stuff. It has helped me through some rough times. Since that day in that dark room I never give up on myself. I always see the positive. Now I’m getting positive back. So really, what more could I ask of myself?
So I’m tooting my own horn for being positive even when things are at their darkest.