This week’s writing challenge: Tell us about a character in your life.
I have met some truly unique characters in my life. Some were good, some not so much. But if I had to come up with one character that embodies what a quirky person is, then I will have to go with my Aunt. I haven’t seen her in years, but we have always corresponded through letters. She is my Aunt Nene. My dad’s younger sister. If you ever met her you would not forget her.
She has always been my favorite relative. My mom and her do NOT get along. In fact when I was younger and my mom would get angry with me she would often say I was just like my Aunt Nene. To me that was a compliment! To my mother that was a severe flaw.
My Aunt and I always had a special bond. I would often stay over at her house on weekends. She was great fun. We would lay in her bed at night and talk most of the night away. I could talk to her about anything and everything! I was probably about 14 or 15 when my mom put a stop to my visits. She said my Aunt was a bad influence on me and I was no longer permitted to stay over night. I don’t think I will ever forgive my mom for that. Later I learned she and my Aunt had ‘words’ over me coming for visits. My Aunt lost. As for my dad, he did what my mom wanted. Life was just easier that way.
One of the last times I went somewhere with my Aunt was an interesting experience. I thought it was hilarious, my mom didn’t think so. Maybe because I was only 14 and we went to a bar. My aunt told me that she was going to instruct me on how to pick up men. Oh yeah, my Aunt also swore worse than anyone I ever met. Her favorite word was the F-bomb. Yup, she loved that word and used it as much as humanly possible.
But back to the bar. Now my aunt and I were not alone that night, my mom, older sister and younger brother was there also. One of the rare times my aunt and my mom were getting along. My dad was working and my aunt and my mom decided they wanted to go out for a few drinks. In Milwaukee where I grew up most bars were considered ‘family bars’. They were neighborhood bars that whole families went to. It was not unusual to find kids in bars. It was not unusual for us kids to be in bars. We were practically raised in them!
Anyway, my aunt was noticeable Not only because of her vocabulary but because she had flaming red hair and pale skin with blue eyes. She was short, barely 5 ft. Well endowed, and loud. I mean her voice was the biggest thing on her! For a small woman in stature she was very loud vocally. Add that with her colorful vocabulary and believe me she stood out. She was also opinionated and smart. All mixed together it was a lethal combination. At the time she had been divorced for the fifth or sixth time. I forget which. I know it was her last time. She never remarried.
So let me set the scene here. Two adult women, small women, neither one over 5 ft tall. One a flaming red-head, one a black-haired woman. Three kids in tow, two short girls and one young boy. Everyone in that bar stared at us as we came in. They probably thought a bunch of munchkins were invading. I remember the bar was full, it was a Friday night. Most of those sitting at the bar were men. There were a few women scattered around but the men far outnumbered them.
My mom and aunt got themselves a drink and us kids got a soda (or pop). We trooped over to the back of the bar and stood in a group. That was when Aunt Nene leaned toward me and whispered that she was going to teach me how to pick up men. I laughed. Mom told her I was only 14 and didn’t need to learn that. My aunt laughed her loud laugh and said a girl is never to young to learn. That’s when things got interesting.
As much as I can remember this is how it went. **bad language will follow, I apologize if it offends you**
Pay fucking attention kid and you will fucking learn something.
First, don’t fucking be afraid to fucking flirt. Men fucking love it when a woman fucking flirts.
Fucking look them in the fucking eyes. Don’t be fucking coy. Let them fucking know you are fucking interested.
I did tell you my Aunt loves the F word right? I was not kidding! Now by then my face is beet red as I was still pretty shy back then. My mom is telling my Aunt to be quiet, my sister went over where my little brother was at the jukebox to get away. My aunt’s voice is carrying to everyone in the bar and several men are watching with smirks on their faces. Interested smirks. Yeah, my face was red but I thought it was so funny I couldn’t wait to see what came out of my Aunt’s mouth next. I was not disappointed.
If your fucking standing, spread your fucking legs apart like so. (She spreads her feet and legs apart, thank goodness she was wearing pants)
Now fucking thrust your hips out. This fucking stance makes you fucking sexy to men for some fucking reason. (Um, like yeah Aunt Nene, it’s like you are advertising)
If you fucking got tits, lift your chest. Be fucking proud of what you got. You all ready got fucking good tits for a kid, you’ll do okay.
My mom is whispering her to stop, I’m trying hard to decide whether to laugh or sink into the floor. I decide neither as I am fascinated with what is happening.
Now with one hand flip your fucking hair over your shoulder, unless you got short hair like your mother, then fucking forget about it. (She proceeds to flip her long red hair over one shoulder)
Put your fucking hand on your hip and fucking smile! (Which she proceeds to do at a man at the bar)
She finishes her mixed drink and struts over to the bar. About half way there she turns to me and says,
When you fucking walk swing your fucking hips. Show you’re a fucking attractive woman.
I watch her as she squeezes between the man who she was eyeing and another man to order her drink. They exchange a few words, unfortunately I didn’t hear what they said. She picks up 2 mixed drinks and the man at the bar pays for them. Think she partly succeeded in her quest of the night. haha! She saunters back over to us and hands me one of the mixed drinks. My mother starts to protest and my Aunt says,
One fucking mixed drink isn’t going to fucking hurt her. (I take the drink and feel so grown up!)
See what fucking happens when you fucking flirt? You buy your first fucking damn drink and the rest of the fucking night you can fucking drink for free.
Next time I go fucking out I’ll fucking take you with and fucking teach you some fucking more!
Shortly after that night is when my mother stated I was no longer spending time with my Aunt Nene. I suppose looking back she might have been right, but I don’t fucking think so.