This is something new I’ve just joined. Some of my dear readers have read my WIP, some of the new ones have not. I’m still working on it since NaNoWriMo finished the end of November. I thought if I can get (and receive) honest and nice critiques it can only help my writing. So I’m hoping to do this every Sunday.
In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued. Then everyone hops around to critique others. Don’t have a post of your own? We’d love a critique anyway! And next time you can sign up yourself (see below)
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This is from my WIP “The Key”. This is towards the beginning where Phillis meets Pal (a large wild dog/wolf) for the first time. It’s a bit more then 250 words (sorry about that), but I thought I needed to show the setup and the meeting. This is a first draft! So it is rough.
As she looked around she thought she saw a small building in the woods off to her right. She started walking toward it as she didn’t think she could get back to the house before the clouds opened up and the rain came down. The winds grew even stronger, bending the trees till she thought they would break in half. The ground suddenly shook when thunder cracked right over head. She gave a jump and started running toward where she saw the log building. She needed to find protection from the storm quickly.
Running she caught brief glimpses through the trees of a small log cabin. She hoped the door was unlocked. She could all ready feel the slight ping of hail. If she didn’t reach shelter fast the hail could cut her to pieces. Gasping for breath she hit the door of the cabin just as the sky opened up with a vengeance. Hail the size of golf balls came pounding down with the high wind giving them extra force. She turned the small knob on the cabin door and gave a gasp as it gave way with a whoosh! She quickly stepped inside and slammed the door shut. Leaning her head against the door she gasped for breath. Her body was shaking with adrenaline. Thank goodness for this cabin!
Suddenly a sound caught her ears. And a smell of wet dirty fur. She held her breath as her heart pounded once again. She heard the growl behind her. Very slowly she turned her head. Phillis knew better than to make any sudden moves. If it was a wild animal a sudden move might make it attack. Slowly with held breath she turned her head and out of the corner of her eye she sees something in the dark corner move. Just as slowly she turns her whole body. Inch by slow inch. She didn’t dare go back outside as she heard the large hail hit the building with such force she hoped the old roof would hold up. Whatever was in the corner hadn’t attacked yet, so she took her chances with whatever it was. Wolf? Coyote?
Looking hard at the corner where the small growls were coming from, a lightening bolt that lit up the cabin showed her a brief glimpse of the animal. It looked to her like a dog. A big dog. A big wet smelly half-starved dog. A large broken window showed how the animal entered the cabin. Probably wanting a safe place to hole up for a while. Much like herself. Phillis almost smiled. She loved animals. Especially dogs. They seemed to love her also. Edith always said Phillis almost had an unearthly way with animals. A gift Edith told her. A true gift with animals. Well, Phillis hoped so, because she was going to need it if she was going to get out of this situation.
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