Sunday Snippets Critique Blog Hop
In this hop, participants post 250 words of their work in progress to be critiqued. Then everyone hops around to critique others. Don’t have a post of your own? We’d love a critique anyway!
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This week I thought I would show a different work in progress then I have lately. It started out as a short story and just grew from there.
The story is called “Alei”. She is a trained assassin from another world. It’s set in the far future. It’s when she finishes her training and is about to be sent on her first mission.
Alei could not quite believe she had made it this far. She stood alone, facing the dais and the only person who could grant her the one thing that made all her hard work worth it. She heard the faint rustle of the crowd behind her. Her fellow classmates in the only school of its type. A place where its secrets out numbered its residents. Where to survive you had to be smarter, quicker and deadlier then all the others. And she was. She had proved that. It was a school that was well-known for producing the best assassins in all the universes.
She stood still, with only her eyes following the man above her. Her inky black hair spiky on top of her head. Her eyes, the eyes of her people. Deep purple with a black outer rim, slightly slanted. Her skin tan with the black tattoo’s that showed others she was of the tribe Aleiata of the planet Tambos. A once proud and majestic people, her tribe had been slaughtered by an army run by the very man who was standing on the dais in front of her. She was the only survivor, a baby back then, only five years old.
The man, a powerful assassin, named Drimel thought it would be amusing to take her and school her into what he was. He named her Alei after her people and thrust her in this school to be shaped and molded into what she was today. Twenty years later, she stood silent, nothing moving but her purple eyes. Waiting to be told she was a full-fledged killer. Waiting to told what her first assignment was. Waiting to kill.
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