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Friday Fictioneers ~~ August 23, 2013

JackieP

I’ve been a bit scattered this week but I try to never miss a Friday Fictioneers! It’s my addiction. Rochelle Wisoff-Fields is our gracious hostess as always. If you want to join in the fun that is FF’s click on Rochelle’s name and it will take you to her blog where you can read the few rules we follow. Or if you just want some good reading in short form, click on Rochelle’s name, which will take you to her blog, then scroll down till you come to a blue critter. Click on it and that will take you to all the wonderful writers who write their stories, poems or whatever strikes their fancy. It all stems from the same photo which makes for interesting reading!

Honest and open criticism is always welcome, as long as it’s nicely put. I have delicate feelings. hahaha! No, really, comments are always welcomed.

 

THE CHALLENGE:

Write a one hundred word story that has a beginning, middle and an end. (No one will be ostracized for going a few words over the count.)

THE KEY:

Make every word count.

 

Copyright -Claire Fuller
Copyright -Claire Fuller

 

Genre/ Gothic fiction (Yes I just had to go there) 100 words

 

Charlotte looked out the carriage window as it stopped.  Biting her lip she thought the driver must have gotten the address wrong.

Sighing, she stepped down  and shook out her dress.  Adjusting her bonnet she looked around and saw nothing but ruins. She asked the driver if he was sure this was the place. He assured her solemnly that it was indeed.

Sir Roland Tussaud watched Charlotte from the shadows.  The new governess was a bit plain he thought, but she would do.

His tongue felt the pricks of his teeth as they grew longer. Yes, she would do nicely.

28 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers ~~ August 23, 2013”

  6. I think this is the first vampire one I’ve read this week. Great take on the prompt, and a convincing voice. The only point I’d make is that you’ve got three consecutive sentences starting with a gerund (‘ing’ word) and that halted the flow of the story for me. I expect Charlotte will wish that the story halted here too… 🙂

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    1. Sorry, should have said present participle, not gerund, but you probably know what I mean anyway. It’s too early for me to be reading and commenting. 😉

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  7. Go home, Charlotte!
    I find this a really tight piece of writing conveying all that’s needed to plant the story and it’s unwritten denouement. Great.(But does it need the adverb “solemnly”?)

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    1. Thank you Patrick. I wanted to convey that the carriage driver was reserved and kind of in the ‘know’. I will re-read what I have and maybe another word could be used?

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  10. Dear Jackie,

    I’m surprised there weren’t more vampire stories this week. You did a nice job with the two different POV’s within the story. Run Charlotte!

    shalom,

    Rochelle

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  12. Oh dear, poor Charlotte. You’ve generated a real gothic feel to your piece. I imagine it’s dusk and the mist will start to roll in soon, hiding Sir Roland’s approach….

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