Daily Prompt: Exhale

Tell us about a time when everything seemed to be going wrong — and then, suddenly, you knew it would be alright.

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First off, things for me rarely go right. At least in the beginning.

It could be something simple like nailing a nail in the wall to hold a picture. Easy right? Wrong. If you live in my world it would go something like this.

Search for the hammer and nail. Okay, I found the nail, but where is the darn hammer? I know it was in this drawer last time I used it.

Finally found the hammer on a shelf, where I got distracted last time I wanted to pound something. Think I got caught up in a book, because there are well-loved books on the shelf where the hammer was found.

That’s just a silly, simple illustration. My life has never been easy. Never. Not once.

A more serious example of a time when everything seemed to be going wrong was right after my divorce. Things had not been good for a long time, I had been in an abusive marriage for 13 years and now I left him. I was broke, living with a good friend who had 3 kids and problems of her own. I didn’t have a job, no money, no car and where I was there was no bus service. Now what am I going to do?

Not to mention my ex was stalking me, my family was not speaking to me, again, plus they were all on the other side of the country. I had never felt so alone, scared and worried.

My friend assured me I was always welcomed in her home and I knew her words were true. She never once made me feel like I was a burden. She and her family always made me feel welcomed. I thank the powers that be every day for her friendship. She was a wonderful friend. A person who just wanted to help me. Plus she hated my ex. The lady had good taste.

So there I am, freshly divorced from a wacko. Needing a job and a car. Well a car first. I was in Texas where unless you lived smack in the city there wasn’t much bus service. I literally did not have a penny to my name. Where the hell am I going to get a car? How could I afford it? It seemed a vicious circle. No job, no car, no car, no job.

So I am worrying myself into illness. Really. I had my ex stalking me, I had no money and no family to help.

One day while I was sitting at my friend’s house alone. (The kids were in school and my friend was at work.)  I’m sitting there crying because I didn’t know what I would do. I knew I had to move on and take care of myself. I wanted to take care of myself. I wanted to support myself and to show everyone I could do it.

In the back of my mind was  my ex’s hateful words. That day I couldn’t shake them as much as I wanted to. He used to tell me all the time without him I was nothing, I could do nothing. I would always need him to take care of me because I was too stupid to take care of myself. I was worthless. No one would want me, need me, be there for me but him.

I remember crying my heart out that day. I was alone. Totally alone. My mind was racing with terrible thoughts. I was no good, I was stupid, I was fat and ugly. No one would hire me anyway. I hadn’t worked in years. I didn’t know anything. Why didn’t I just die!

When I was crying my hardest everything seemed to still in the house. Everything seemed to stop. Even my crying stopped. It was so quiet. Then I felt a warmth go through me. The only way to describe it was someone/thing gave me a big warm hug.

My tears dried and my mind calmed.

I suddenly knew, just knew, everything was going to be all right. Everything would work out like it was supposed to. I was going to be all right.

That same evening I got a call from my ex mother in law. Her and my  ex father in law decided they wanted to co-sign  a car for me! She said they had talked about it for a while and wanted to surprise me. That very next day they took me car shopping and I got my very first brand new car! It wasn’t even used! They paid the first payment and filled it full of gas.

The next couple of weeks was dedicated to finding work. Which I did in an Antique Mall. I loved that job! It didn’t pay much, but I was able to make my car payments, insurance and get a small apartment. After that my life got better and better. Because of that job, and the goodness of my ex in-laws I met the love of my life.

My life has had lots of downs since that time. But it has also had a lot of ups. I never forgot that warm ‘hug’ I received that day. It was certainly a time to remember.

 

 

 

 

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