Blog challenge · Fiction · Flash Fiction · Friday Fictioneers · postaday · writing

Friday Fictioneers ~~ April 4, 2014

JackieP

I’m late! I know I’m late, but I have been so busy. So this is going to be short and to the point.

If you don’t know what Friday Fictioneers is all about click on our hostess’s name, which is Rochelle and that will take you to her blog and she’ll tell you all about it.

If you just want to read lots of other great stories based on the same picture prompt, then click here, that will take you there.

Above all read and have fun! Thanks, I also appreciate all comments.

 

copyright-Kent Bonham
copyright-Kent Bonham

 

Genre: Crime Drama (100 words)

“Who found the body?”

“One of the lighting techs, he was testing the lights when he spotted him.”

“Did he touch him?”

“No, sir, it’s a pretty bloody mess, spooked him enough that he just called police.”

“Poor soul, he never had a chance. Wonder where his head is? ”

“We have people looking in all the garbage bins on set, but nothing yet.”

“Sir!! Sir!! We found a head, sir! You need to see this!”

Walking towards the pale young officer the detective stooped down to the bloody box at his feet.  Sighing, he straightened.

“Damn, we got a problem, this head’s female.”

 

50 thoughts on “Friday Fictioneers ~~ April 4, 2014”

  2. Wow…this is pretty fascinating!! You could totally make this novel-length. Wonder where the female’s body ended up…and the dude’s head…

    Like

  4. Dear Jackie,

    Macabre is right. It appears there’s another body somewhere, too. Did you ever see the movie Seven? One of the creepiest movies ever.

    At any rate, a good story and spot on dialogue.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

    Like

    1. I did see the movie Seven, hadn’t remembered it till you mentioned it, but yes it was a creepy movie! thank you so much Rochelle, I am practicing my dialog. It’s good to know I am getting better.

      Like

  8. Sometimes dialogue without character can either be confusing or else lack colour in the voice — this was neither. Your back and forth worked very well, and as it was clear that this was a murder investigation from the very beginning, the “twist ending” didn’t come off as contrived, but rather, intriguing. Well done, darling. (Oh.. typo – you forgot your apostrophe in the word head’s)

    Like

  13. Late to the comment party, but I’m finally reaching the end. Your little story was worth the wait. It sounded quite realistic and your people came off as real. The head situation…well, there a whole ‘nother thing. 🙂

    janet

    Like

  16. And the case seemed to be going so well. Love the casual, seen it all before characterisations.

    Like

  17. Talk about dark humour! Excellent writing and characterisation. Jaded cop. Hope you finish this tale. I’m dangling. And I’m later than you, just posted my story. Ann

    Like

  20. Woops! Seems there was two murders. I know that light is to blame. I lvoe the way you led me me on through the story and sprung the trap at the end. Well done!

    Like

  21. That story stood alone but was also a great hook for a longer story. I thought the dialogue was natural for the men speaking. A policeman would get that way after some years of service. I noticed that you describe the young officer as “pale” at finding the head. That was good description for that character. Good story and well written. 🙂

    Like

Comments are closed.