Mi Vida Loca · nonfiction · postaday · writing

Today He is Eating



My fingers hesitate on the keyboard as I hear slow, slipper covered feet, shuffling down the hallway. The distinct tap…. tap….. tap of his cane heralds his approach. His emancipated frame barely fills the doorway to my room.

I look up from my computer as his soft, gravelly voice tells me that he is going to make a sandwich. I smile and nod as my mind tells me that this is the fifth time in an hour that he has taken the walk from the living room to my room to either ask me an inane question or tell me what his next actions will be. As if seeking my approval.

I watch as he slowly, painfully turns his slight body to walk back down the hallway to the kitchen. His back bent with pain. Today is a good day, I think. At least he is out of bed and eating.

My eyes follow his painful walk. His thin, stick like legs covered in ever-present long johns for warmth. As even in the hottest day of summer he is cold. In the middle of winter, like we are now, he can usually be found huddled in his bed, with a heating pad on his lower back, and an electric blanket tucked around his body.

He is not dressed for fashion, but for warmth and comfort. His long johns are joined with socks, T-shirt, and sweater. If it wasn’t such a sad sight, it would be comical.

I listen to him in the kitchen and know I will have to check in a few minutes to be sure he has turned off the stove after frying his egg for his sandwich. It wouldn’t be the first time he had forgotten to turn the stove off. Or the water taps in the bathroom.

His mind is constantly in a fog nowadays. I know it’s the strong pain medicine he takes. He knows this too, when he remembers.

I get up out of my office chair and walk to the kitchen. I need another cup of coffee, I tell myself. In reality, it’s to check on him. As the coffee pours into my cup from the coffee machine, my eyes glance at the stove. Yes, it is off. But several cupboard doors are open, the utensil drawer too. On the cupboard stands the loaf of bread, open.

I sigh silently, and go about closing doors and drawers. I put the twist tie back on the bread and clean off the counter. At least he is eating today, I tell myself again.

I look into the living room and see him huddled in his bed, eating his egg sandwich. The TV is blaring loud as usual. His deeply furrowed face tells the story of the pain he has carried every single minute of every single day for the past 3 years.

His deep brown eyes are staring at the TV, but I’m not sure he sees it. The eyes are glazed over from the pain medicine. He seems at peace. From experience I know it won’t last long. I’m just thankful that for now, he has the numbness that comes from taking several pills.

If he is real lucky, he will fall asleep for an hour. The pain a demon tamed for now. Soon though that demon will take over once more and I will watch his face twist with the pain. Till it is time for me to give him his next dose of pain pills.

In the beginning, he took care of his own pills, his own schedule of taking them. Then I noticed he was taking more and more pills. Too many. He would run out before he could get some more. Those days the demon rejoiced. Those days were pure hell for him. And for me. As all I could do is watch him cry with pain, wanting and swallowing anything he thought might help. Like a mad junkie, he would scour the bathroom cabinets and take anything he could find in them.

One day, he took too many unknown pills. I had to do something drastic. For his sake. For his life. I removed all the pills I could find. I hid them in my bedroom. Now, I am his caretaker, the giver of pills. We both know it’s for the best, when he remembers.

It’s hard though to watch a man disappear a little each day. Watch him go from a robust, working man, to a waif who can hardly dress himself, in such a short amount of time. Debilitating pain will do that to a person.

So, I listen to his shuffling walk down the hallway. I watch the pain groove deeper furrows in his face. I dole out his pills that give him some brief temporary relief. The demon pain, it’s always there. Lurking, stalking, striking when it can. Tearing off bits of our lives every day, till I know one day it will win this war.

Until that time, I listen to his slow shuffling walk, his soft gravelly voice and am thankful, that today at least he is eating.



Cee's Share Your World · Mi Vida Loca · nonfiction · postaday

A New Year, A New Me! ~~ Share Your World, 2015 Week 1

Hello people!

Ok, it’s not a new me, it is however a new year! So, the title wasn’t a complete fabrication. Cee, over at Cee’s Photography has once again asked us 4 questions. We answer them and get to know our fellow bloggers a bit more. Nice, eh? Well, go over there and see what it’s all about!




How do you get rid of pesky phone calls from telemarketers?

I just say, “not interested” and hang up. I used to have fun with some, I even wrote about one incidence where I pretended to be a little kid. I had major fun with that one! That was a few years ago. When I was younger, yet still a full-grown adult, people who didn’t know me, like telemarketers would mistake me for a young child on the phone. I have that kind of voice. So one day I decided to just go with it and that story came about.  If you would like to read it (it’s funny!) go here. 

What are you a “natural” at doing?

Besides getting into trouble? ha!

That’s a hard question when I sit and think about it. Cooking is what comes to mind first. I’ve been cooking on my own since about that age of 10 or so. I don’t often make things that are not edible. I rarely taste as I cook either. So seasoning comes ‘natural’ to me.

Maybe painting. I taught myself to paint years ago after my ex Mother in law gave me a set of oil paints and brushes as a Christmas gift. I always admired people who could paint pictures. I’ve never had formal lessons or training, but think I do pretty good. I gave up the oils and exclusively use acrylics now. I really need to get back into painting again.

(c) JLPhillips 2014
My painting of a wolf


How often do you get a haircut?

Rarely. The last time I went to a salon and got it cut has to be more than 8 years ago. I was visiting my mom and she talked me into it. I only had a few inches taken off, because I don’t like short hair on me.  I trim it myself now and then, but it’s usually in a ponytail. The only time I let it out of its ponytail is when I go to bed, it’s almost to the middle of my back right now.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “fun”?

Writing, music, reading and playing on the computer. Yeah, I’m a wild child. LOL

Fiction · Flash Back Friday · postaday · writing

Flash Back Friday

Hello people!

How’s the new year treating you so far? Yes, I know, it’s early yet.

I have another short story I wrote on this blog when I first started it. It was the second short story I posted, so it did need some editing. Oh, I was such a newbie back then. You can read the original here. 

Enjoy! Remember, I love comments! So go ahead and tell me what you think, be honest, I can’t learn if I get no feedback is the way I look at it.



The Shadow

Jenny lay in the dark, frightened and feeling so alone.  She was so tired, yet she fought sleep with every breath she drew.  Afraid to close her eyes, she watched the shadows of the tree outside her window play on her bedroom ceiling.

She tried to convince herself for the umpteenth time that there was nothing to be afraid of. It was her overactive imagination that was messing with her. Her mother always told her she needed to stop living in the clouds and stop believing in make-believe.

Losing the fight, her eyes slowly closed. A few seconds later her lids flew open and she gasped. Eyes wild, breathing heavy, Jenny knew it was no dream. When her eyes were closed is when she  saw, well she wasn’t sure what it was she saw. A shadow? Yes, a shadow was the best way to describe it. And yet, it was more than a shadow. It had substance, a form, a feeling about it.

A ghost? No, Jenny shook her head, it couldn’t be a ghost. You saw those with your eyes open. She didn’t see anything strange when her eyes were open. Only when they were closed. A dream? No! She knew she wasn’t dreaming. She might not be wide awake, but she wasn’t dreaming either. It was so frustrating not being able to explain to herself what it was she was afraid of.

That’s why she was afraid to sleep. She hadn’t had a good night’s rest since she moved into this house. Her first real home, all hers. It was turning more into a nightmare than a dream come true. From that first night, she saw the shadow when she closed her eyes. Didn’t matter if it was night or day, if she wanted to sleep, it was there. Always lurking.

It  didn’t do anything. Jenny wasn’t even sure why she was afraid. She thought it was because it should do something! Anything! But, in all these months it was just there. She sensed it was male. Why? She wasn’t sure. That’s just what her senses told  her. It was male, and it wanted something from her. Or it wanted her.

Jenny’s heart jumped, one day she thought, one day she will fall asleep and the shadow will make its move. Jenny felt her stomach clench with fear. What did it want? She should move, but she hated the thought of giving up her dream home. Her thoughts jumped from one thought to another. Oh, she was so tired! All she wanted was a good night’s sleep. That’s all she needed, it would clear her mind, help her with deciding what she should do. So tired…….. she was so very tired.

Jenny could feel her lids closing. She couldn’t push back sleep anymore. She took one last deep breath, felt her heart pound, and then slowly she fell asleep.

The shadow smiled and moved forward, she was his.



Blogging · Humor · Mi Vida Loca · nonfiction · postaday · writing

Looking Forward

Hello people! Hope that you had a great NYE and are not too hung over. I don’t drink, so I’m good. I couldn’t even stay up till midnight last night. I’m getting old, I tell  you.

I’m not a person who makes New Year’s resolutions. Why set myself up for failure? I do make goals for myself, though. Goals I try to achieve throughout the year.

2014 was a terrible year for me. I’m glad it’s gone and a new one beginning. So instead of looking back, I’m going to look forward. Forward to a better year, reaching some of my goals, and making good inroads with other goals. I may not succeed in accomplishing everything I set for myself and that’s ok. I haven’t failed, it’s just going to take a little longer to achieve what I want. That’s the nice thing about goals, if you don’t get them done within a certain period of time, you can just keep going till you do. No failure. I like that. A little kindness to myself never goes amiss.

So here is my top goals for 2015! May the New Year roll on in! Bring it!



1. Burn my damn mattress! My number one goal for this new year may sound strange to you, so let me explain. I have the bed from Hell. I do. It is the most uncomfortable thing going. Its springs are broken thanks to the bunch of guys that helped move us more than a year ago. They set my almost new mattress on the bottom of the pickup truck bed, placed a glass cupboard on it and strapped that thing down so hard it broke the springs in the mattress. It’s not even in the middle of the bed! I have one side that is like sleeping in a hole, the other side is higher up. If I lay on it, since it’s not quite half the mattress I slide down the slope into the hole. Not good for sleeping!

My number 1 goal for this year is to be able to afford a new mattress (though I have NO idea how I’m going to do this!). Then I am going to drag my old mattress into the yard, pour gasoline on it and set it on fire! I am going to laugh, and laugh, and laugh while the flames leap up into the sky!

2. Lose weight. Yes, I know just about everyone says this in the New Year. I usually don’t, because it’s sort of cliché. This year I’m breaking my own rule and adding this in as a goal. I’m not going to state numbers. I don’t even own a scale. Got rid of that thing years ago.

For health reasons (I’m a diabetic) I am setting one of my goals for losing weight. I have to, I need to, and dammit, I’m going to! Losing weight will help me get healthier. I will need this for when I drag my mattress through the house, into the yard and set it on fire! I will cackle like a crazy woman as I watch it burn! I will need to be healthier to do this.

3. Exercise more. Yes, it goes with losing weight. I sit in my comfy office chair in front of my trusty computer far too many hours a day. From morning to-night. I need to get off my butt and go take Sam for a walk or something. Only in warmer weather though, as walking the little guy in freezing ass weather is more torture for both of us than exercise. During the winter I will do something else. Maybe practice runs, dragging my mattress through the house so I can set it on fire and dance with wild abandon around the blaze!

4. Write more stories. I really let myself down this past year. I didn’t write as much as I wanted to. I have 3 novels in the works in different stages of completion. I need to finish at least one of these and start the hunt to get it published! I want to write more flash fiction, short stories and the like. I have no excuse for not doing so last year, except for maybe sleep deprivation from sleeping on the mattress from hell. Which I plan to burn this year. I will even write its eulogy. Then I will set it on fire and because I lost weight and am healthier I will jump up and down with glee as it watch it burn!

5. Read more blogs and comment more. I actually read quite a few blogs. Like everyone though I have favorites that I love to read everything they post. Most of the other blogs I read, but usually don’t comment. I’m actually pretty shy. (Ok, quit laughing!) I’m an introvert by nature and quiet. I lurk a lot. I need to stop that and engage in conversations. After all, it’s  the polite thing to do. I will do this right after I burn my bed. I will light that sucker aflame and throw a bed burning party! Yes, I will. You just watch me!

 Fire Dance: image credit - Angela Marie Henriette

Fire Dance: image credit – Angela Marie Henriette


Whew, so that’s the biggest goals I have for this bright, shiny, new year. I have several other personal ones, that I will keep to myself for now. A girl has to have some secrets.

As for the mattress burning party, you are all invited!! Maybe, I should start a Kickstarter thing, anyone who donates money toward a new comfy mattress will have a personal invite to the bed burning with cocktails and brunch with me, where we can watch it burn and laugh and laugh and laugh.

What do you think? Good idea? So who wants to donate for a good cause?? Anyone?