Blogging · Mi Vida Loca · nonfiction · postaday · Stories of my life

Blogging For Mental Health

JackieP
Blog For Mental Health 2015 badge by Piper Macenzie
Blog For Mental Health 2015 badge by Piper Macenzie

 

Most people who know me, here in the virtual world and in the real world, don’t realize how I’ve suffered from depression and anxiety attacks in my life. Why? Because I don’t talk about it. I put on my happy face or my face that says, “don’t come near me” and go about my life.

I’ve touched on it briefly in one or two past posts, that’s about it. I’ve seen more and more blogs with the title ‘Blogging for Mental Health’  or something similar. A lot of my blogging buddies are writing posts on their battles with different mental health issues.

Now it’s time for me to do the same. If I can help just one person, then I’ve done a good thing. I’ve kept quiet about my issues because that is how I was raised and taught. You have a problem? Don’t tell. You were abused? Don’t tell. You are depressed? Don’t tell. You can’t step a foot out the front door because it terrifies you? Don’t tell. Make up excuses for not leaving the house for days at a time, weeks at a time. Sometimes, months at a time.

I’ve never been professionally diagnosed with these mental health issues. I’ve never talked to a therapist, psychologist, or any other medical person about these things. I’ve read though, I’ve read books, journals, and anything else I could find about depression and anxiety attacks.

I’ve gone through months and even more than a year inside a deep dark hole, where all I wanted was my life to end. I would say that’s depression. I fight it every single day that I breathe. That deep dark hole is a terrifying place to be.

I’ve gone months and more without stepping foot outside my front door. I would go to the door, open the door and be terrified. I was positive that if I walked outside something bad would happen to me. I would then slam the door shut and make sure it was locked, then I would go and check all the windows and other doors in the house to make sure they were locked.

Then I would sit down with my fur babies and cry. Because deep down I knew it was wrong to feel this way.

I managed, by myself to crawl out of that deep dark hole of depression and stay out. It’s a fight, but I do it daily. I managed to walk out my front door and rejoice in the sunlight on my face. I did it without professional help. It’s not something I would recommend. I did it without drugs or therapy, but again, not something I recommend. It’s hard. It’s damn near impossible.

Most days I wonder if I have the strength to keep doing it.

Why did I decide to ‘come out’? It’s time. It’s time to help some others if I can. It’s time to quit being afraid of telling.

When I saw the blog posts going up around me and then checked out Blog For Mental Health 2015, I knew it was time I started talking about my mental health too. So during this year I will be writing more posts on my depression and anxiety attacks and how I overcome them. How I can keep smiling real smiles and how I can walk out my front door without fear.

I will also be talking about the times I can’t overcome the darkness or the fear.

“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2015 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this to promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.”

 

 

30 thoughts on “Blogging For Mental Health”

  4. Good gravy Jackie. Even my kids don’t know how depressed I run. They have no clue that I’ve been on meds half my life or that I’ve been so tired of life that I don’t want to wake up some days. But I can’t blog about it because they and some of my extended family read my blog. It was easier to tell them about the abuse from my parents. I will always admire your courage. You don’t need a doctor to tell you you are depressed. I think the first clue comes when you want to drive your car into a bridge abutment.

    There are things we can do to overcome on our own. I know that now and obviously you have learned a few too. By the way, it isn’t paranoia if they are trying to get you.

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    1. Ah Marlene. It would be hard to tell your kids something like that. I understand. My family doesn’t know about my depression either. Mostly because we don’t talk. I talk to my mother, but she is one to say ‘no, that’s not right’, more than anything. So I don’t tell her. My siblings, well I doubt they would be understanding. They don’t read my blog, so I’m not too worried. If they do, then good, all though they won’t agree with me. They rarely do. As I am the black sheep and am always wrong. 😉

      Yes, it’s not paranoia if they are all after you. Ha! 🙂

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      1. Black sheep have the most fun and the greatest impact on the world. Your family doesn’t know what they are missing. That’s why I adore my sister and my daughter. They march to a different drummer and I love their uniqueness. My sister is the one with all the labels. I still think it’s major PTSD. Mine was milder. Hang in there kiddo.

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  5. There has been an ongoing campaign sponsored by Bell, here in Canada where it cumulated into one day last month called Bell Let’s Talk Day. So glad you are able to talk about it. Please try mindfulness (self-therapy if you prefer). A good place to start is with Jon Kabat Zinn. I know its powers. hugs

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    1. Thank you, Lesley. I didn’t know Bell had a thing going. Good to know. I will look into it. I think I already do mindfulness, just my own version. It’s how I get through the days sometimes. But I will look into Jon Kabat-Zinn also. Thank you again.

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  8. I hope it felt good to write this, in that “now that we’ve acknowledged that elephant in the room we can give him a name so he isn’t so big” kind of way. And let me officially welcome you to the club. I like to think of us as Those Who Shall Not Be Vanquished. 😀

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  9. You are so strong and brave Jackie. What makes me a bit sad is that you’ve had to endure all these issues on your own, and find ways to cope with them…climb out and come out to the sunshine. But I guess that has made you the strong person you are, and writing about it will certainly help others who may feel there is no way out. I’m happy you decided to write about your experiences with mental health issues. ❤ and hugs!

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  10. I find this insightfully disturbing. I’ve noticed lately a tendency to isolate myself and irrational fears seem to be overtaking my psyche. I can not imagine not leaving the house for months but then again, I can.

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    1. I’m sorry you find it disturbing, Dawn. It starts out small, but builds quite fast if you let it. This I found out the hard way. You can always email me to talk about things if you wish. I know how frightening it can be.

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  11. Jackie, I have read your posts when you shared some of the details about your depression but I didn’t realize it was something you continued to struggle with. It’s really hard to open up after years of being told to keep quiet, I opened up a while back about my abuse. I shook at I hit the publish button but in the end it felt good to break the silence.

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    1. Unfortunately, depression doesn’t go away, so yes, I do still struggle with it. Not as much as when I was younger, as I hope I learned a few coping techniques. It is scary to open up about something that I’ve kept silent about for so long, but I believe it’s time. You are a strong woman Lois. That’s why we are friends. ❤

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  12. You are one of the strongest women I know, Jackie. I am constantly amazed at how well you handle everything that goes on around you – and how you take care of yourself – even learning how to cope with anxiety and depression. You stay strong!

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    1. Thank you Maddie my friend! It’s the stubborn German and the stoic of my Native American heritage I think. And I don’t like to give up.

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  14. Pingback: To Breathe is to Write | The Official Blog For Mental Health Project

  15. I suffered mental health issues all my life and I am 58 now. I was about 30 when I had a breakdown and started the therapy and medication bit. I have always talked freely about it once I knew. I too wanted to help others and I have, however I did another crash and this time I tried to commit suicide and ended up in the hospital taken by my daughter who is a nurse. My family and friends are behind me and I have a psychiatric nurse who is doing her darnedest to find a working medication cocktail. I can’t do mine on my own. I have Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety/Panic attics/OCD/ PTSD and ADHD.I can’t hold it together myself anymore. I can’t summon that smile as easy. When I saw what the attempted suicide did to my kids, parents and family I vowed never to try that again and now I speak to my therapist and the nurse immediately if those thoughts arise again.

    Good luck on your journey!

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    1. Hello Tessa! I’m so sorry for all you have gone through. As I said in my blog, not taking medication or seeking therapy is NOT what I recommend. I’m glad you are getting the help you need. I’m not sure why I could do it alone, I’m just glad I can and have been able to since my last breakdown. I have good friends. It sounds like you have a good family support so that helps alot. Good luck in your journey to get better. We all need to help each other! (hugs)

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      1. I have great family and friend support and that has been a big relief. I know so many others don’t and I want to be there for them. Hugs back! And Thanks!

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