Tumbling Thoughts

My mind tumbles here and there,
never settling on one thing
too many ideas, thoughts,
some vague, some terrifying,
many ‘what ifs’ or ‘what-nots’
how do I decide what to do?
If the mind won’t settle on one thing

I want to write, yet cannot
to read, to draw, to paint, to to to…..
not enough hours in the day
I have the ‘have to’ fighting with the ‘want to’
so neither side wins
As the mind won’t settle on one thing

The weariness goes deep into my bones
the frustration of it all
the more I wrestle with ideas
the more elusive they become
playing hide and seek within my soul
come out, come out, do not hide from me
but the mind won’t settle on one thing

I get moody, angry, even bitter
I resent the things I must do
as they take precious time away,
time I could be using for all the ideas
sliding across the slippery slopes within
I can’t get the mind to settle on one thing

I feel as time is going by too fast
that I am racing in something I cannot win
My mortality is fading as I grasp at shadows
Not yet, not yet, not yet, they whisper
maybe not ever I sigh back
as my mind won’t settle on one thing