Posted in Blogging, Humor, Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, postaday, Stories of my life, Wednesday Whatever!

Wednesday Whatever!

Another fine edition of Wednesday Whatever! Coming to you from the windblown town that I reside from. Nestled miles from the Rocky Mountains in a low laying valley that the wind seems to favor.

(c) Jeff Swenson
(c) Jeff Swenson

It must favor it because it fricken blows every chance it gets! And I’m fricken tired of it! Ahhhhh, that felt better. #%$&*^@ wind! Yes, that is me speaking not so nicely about a part of Mother Nature that she finds rather entertaining, I’m sure. I’m also sure she will get her revenge in time. Ha! It was worth it! Take that Mother Nature!

As you can probably tell…the wind is blowing here today….and yesterday….and the day before that….and…..sighhhh.

I don’t mind the wind most days, really I don’t. I love a gentle breeze as much as the next person. Even in the middle of fricken January. But, when it blows a gale and hinders me from even walking or breathing is when I get a bit put out. Which is what happened today.

Yesterday I needed to go the grocery store. I put it off because the wind was blowing so fiercely that it was cleaning off my patio for me…and I didn’t need nor want it cleaned off.

Today I got up and it was as calm as one would like. Not a single breeze blowing. Absolutely perfect. It was even warm enough that it was melting the snow. Great! So I got dressed and decided to go to the store. I would have whistled if I could have, that’s how happy I was. I would whistle but I can’t. Not to mention my teeth might fly out. Not a pretty sight. Anyway, I got in my trusty, rusty mini van and tootled off to the grocery store.

The sun wasn’t shining, but it was calm and pleasant. I might have even smiled at a perfect stranger. I might have, but I don’t remember. Old age you know. I get to the store and amble inside enjoying the day. I push my cart up and down the aisles, just enjoying being by myself for a while. It doesn’t happen too often folks, so I was enjoying the novelty. I finally get to the check out with my few items and smile at the cashier. She’s a nice lady that often checks me out.

We chat for a few minutes about this and that and of course, the weather. We both comment how nice it was to have calmness after the terrible winds we’ve been having. I glance out the big windows in the front of the store and notice it’s still calm. I smile. I’m happy. I finish paying for my purchases and walk toward the exit. I don’t even mind waiting behind the lady that decided she needed the whole doorway to stop and put on her coat. Slowly. To tuck her scarf just so around her neck and pull on her gloves. While I’m patiently behind her just wanting to load my groceries and go home.

Finally, the lady is done getting dressed and we proceed out the door. At my store there are two doors you need to go through to reach the outdoors. They have doors on both ends of the store. Well, the lady in front of me goes off one way and I go off the opposite way. I go through the next doors to what was a nice morning into Mother Nature’s perverted sense of humor. The wind threatens to knock me off my feet while it steals my breath away. Literally. I couldn’t fricken breath the wind was that strong.

I hang on tight to the cart that wants to turn around and go back into the store. I push it to my van and open the back-end all the time trying to breathe while the wind rams my breath back down my throat. %#(%&^ wind! I get the back door open (it’s the kind that opens upward). I grab my bags and stash them as quickly as I can. Suddenly I feel this large thump on the top of my head. The wind had pushed the door closed on top of my head! Ouch! Dammit! I shove it back up and stow the rest of my stuff in the back and quickly close the door.

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I let loose of the cart for a second! Just a split second! The wind whips it toward the parking lot and almost into an oncoming car. I grab it in the nick of time while still trying to stay upright in the battering wind. If I could have had enough breath to curse I would have! The wind didn’t give an inch.

I manage to push the cart back to the store and walk against the wind back to my van. I get in and narrowly miss getting my leg crushed by the door as I scramble inside. That’s when I start to curse. In between panting. Not my finest moment.

I drive home and hope the wind is a bit calmer by the house. Yeah, who was I kidding? It wasn’t. If anything, it was worse. I get the back-end of the van open once more and the gate so I can tote my bags in. The wind pulls the gate out of my hands and drives a sliver into my finger. @#%^$*# wind!

I pile my bags on the porch, fight the wind to close the gate and open the house door. I manage to get the bags of groceries inside, fighting the wind all the while. I collapse in the kitchen chair and try to catch my breath. I swear I heard Mother Nature chuckling as I rubbed the top of my head and sucked on my sore finger.

#^@%#^$& wind!

 

 

How was your day?