Posted in Blogging, Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, postaday, Stories of my life, Wednesday Whatever!

Wednesday Whatever!

Wednesday

 

 

This week  has been a week of reflection. Today is only Wednesday so I imagine the rest of the week will be much the same.

I know I haven’t posted much this month. I took an unplanned month off of writing, of posting, of doing much of anything, really. I can’t even blame it on an active social life, as I don’t have one. All my friends are online. I don’t have anyone here that I go out for coffee with, that I go shopping with, that I just hang with. I hang with my computer, my dog Sam and sometimes the husband.

Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t feel as if I’m missing out. At one time I had all those things. Good friends that I had coffee with, shopped with, or just hung out with. So I know what it’s like to have all that. It might seem strange to you that I much prefer how I am now. Today. Right this minute. On my computer typing out words that my friends will read.

Do I ever get lonely? You might ask that. The short answer…No. No, I very rarely get lonely. I enjoy my solitary lifestyle. It’s not for everyone. The husband hates being alone. In fact, he gets depressed if he’s alone for too long. He enjoys people. Being with people, talking, joking, laughing, drinking, whatever he and his friends do together. He enjoys that interaction and he misses it when he doesn’t get it. He is the type of person who needs other people around, he thrives on it. Unfortunately, since he got so sick and can’t do much physically his ‘friends’ have faded into the background.

This hurts him. He doesn’t understand it.

I do. Sort of.

The past year or so has been rough. Hell, the past four years have been rough. I don’t feel sorry for myself. It has shown me just how strong I can be. That’s always a good thing.

When my mom died at the end of May it hit hard. Not because my mom and I were best friends or that we had a tight bond. We weren’t and we didn’t. My mom and I had a rocky relationship since the day I was born. That’s ok. She taught me how to be strong and how to be my own woman. I guess you could say she taught me the true meaning of ‘tough love’. It was tough to love her. But I did. I just didn’t always like her. Or her me.

A few people know I have written my autobiography. I haven’t published it. I wouldn’t publish it while my mother was still alive. Now that she’s gone? I probably still won’t publish it. Not yet. Maybe never. It’s not pretty. I’m not even sure if it would have a happy ending. Because my life is still ongoing. For now.

The writings have a lot of my mom in them. She was never the hug you, compliment you, tell you she loves you type of mother. I never heard those words from her. “I love you.” Never. Not once. My sister and I had a conversation the other week and we discussed our mother and never hearing those words from her. It bothers my sister. It doesn’t bother me. Why? Because I accept that was the kind of woman my mother was. My sister has a harder time accepting that. That’s her right. I don’t try to persuade her otherwise.

The only time I heard my mother say, “I’m sorry” was for something she never did. Which seems strange, as she did plenty. Yet, the only time I heard her apologize to me was for something that was never in her control. My sexual abuse. She never even knew about it until I was an adult. Then she had to ask me outright if I was abused by the person who abused me for years. I told her the truth. That I was. She cried and kept telling me she was sorry.

I told her she had nothing to be sorry for in that instance. It wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t tell her when I was a child and it was happening. And later. Well, what was the point of hurting her so much? So I said nothing. Until she asked me.

My mother was who she was. I am who I am. So we never mentioned it again.

So many memories surfaced when my mother died. Then I received a box from my sister this week. It was filled with memories. With pictures and items from my mother’s house. I looked at all those pictures. Some of so very long ago. Of me. My mother. My dad. And I became reflective.

I called my sister and thanked her for the pictures. As I didn’t have any before that. Not a one. The reason why is another long story I might tell some day. Again. As it’s already a part of my autobiography.  And again, it’s a story of me and my mother.

So, I guess, in a long about way, I’m saying why I took an unplanned month off from blogging. Life’s memories got in the way. Mix that in with just being tired to the bone and you have the recipe for doing nothing. Or almost nothing. For a month.

I’m catching my breath back again. With the help of my friends. Here. Now. You. I will be ok.

Thank you.

 

Posted in Blogging, nonfiction, postaday, Thrifty Divas

Welcome to the Thrifty Divas!

Hello people! Come over and visit my new blog that I have started with my friend Mer! We are the ‘Thrifty Divas’!! Come and say hi and give us a follow if you want to learn how we live well on very little. 🙂 Or just come over and give us a wave!

the thrifty divas

tdg1

Hi! This is a new blog dedicated to living thrifty.

We’d like to introduce ourselves.

Jackie P:

Hello people! My name is Jackie P and I’m poor. I was born poor and I’m still poor. So I like to think of myself as an expert in living nicely on little. It can be done.
My friend Mer and I have talked a long time about doing a blog about how to live well while being short of money. Now it’s becoming a reality.
I’ve learned how to budget. I am the budgeting queen! I have had many years on which to learn. It’s not so bad. I mean sure, I would love to have unlimited funds. Who wouldn’t? Unless I win the lottery that just is NOT going to happen.
So I deal with it. And so can you!
When I was a kid I knew we were poor but I…

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Posted in Mi Vida Loca, My Incomplete List of Small Pleasures, nonfiction

The Incomplete List of Small Pleasures

Hello, People!

Hope your week is going well for you. As for me, I’ve been super lazy lately. My apologies for not posting in a while or very sporadically. Seems to be my style lately. It’s been hard to put my mind to writing. Hell, it’s been hard to put my mind to anything. My friends have been so understanding. Because of that, I thought it would be a good day to post another small list of small pleasures.

 

The Incomplete

 

 

I’m grateful for the rain we are having today. We’ve had a lot of rain this summer but this morning is pleasurable because it washed away the smell of skunk that lingered throughout the night. It seems Sam and I had the dubious pleasure of a skunk’s visit under my bedroom window last night. Of course, I had my window open to enjoy the refreshing night breeze that was blowing. Wow, that was some strong scent there Mr. Skunk! Woke Sam and I both out of a dead sleep. Now it just smells like fresh rain. Ahhhhh……

I receive great pleasure from friends. They are so understanding and patient with me. They also give me some great advice. Thanks Maddie for always being there with advice on my writing and encouragement to keep going. Thanks Mer for being so patient with me while we work on this project we have going. Thanks Tiny for being so patient and understanding with me in my terrible emailing habit. Well, I guess it’s not really a habit if you don’t do it, is it? Sorry about that.

I’m grateful for small notebooks. The kind I can pick up really cheap at the dollar store. Without them, I would be lost. Seems my mind has turned into swiss cheese and without my trusty notebooks I would be totally in the dark of what appointments are coming up, what I need to pick up at the grocery store and anything else I need to keep track of. My computer desk has multitude notebooks and post-it notes on it. It also has two cups full of pens, pencils, and markers. I have two cork boards on my walls surrounding my desk to also help keep track of things. I think I have too many things going on. No wonder I’m tired all the time. Still…..I’m grateful.

I’m thankful for books. I have been doing quite a bit of reading lately. It helps me and my constantly buzzing mind. I can get lost in another world, another life somewhere. It gives my mind a much-needed rest from my own life.

Don’t get me wrong. I like my life. I work for myself. I have my own timetable. I HAVE a life. It’s not always rosy and full of sunshine. Whose is? I’m alive, relatively healthy and even though my mind is a sieve lately I am still grateful that I am alive.

Because the alternative would really suck. Unless I get to come back and haunt some people. I have a list……….

 

 

 

What are some small pleasures in your life today?

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, Wednesday Whatever!

Wednesday Whatever!

Hello, People!

 

Wednesday

 

Ah, it’s good to be back! It seems I took an unplanned mini-vacation from blogging. It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post. Seems a lot longer. Now I’m back in the saddle again. Did you miss me? No? Ah well, I missed you!

The reason for the time away from blogging was nothing serious. I was just super busy and a bit lazy. Seemed like the husband and I had something to do almost every day. The days we didn’t have appointments I spent doing nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true either. I read books, I cleaned house and I watched endless videos on YouTube. Yeah, being super lazy. No writing, not being creative, no brain cells spent.

The husband is done with chemo treatments. He is doing better. He had another colonoscopy Friday to make sure no more tumors have grown and to check on his colon operation. The only problem the doctor found was where they had patched his colon together after removing the tumor. They had to dilate that area as it had collapsed. Otherwise, he was healthy. Yay! It’s been a long year of operations and chemo treatments for him.

A person doesn’t realize how much pressure they are under until some of it is gone. I was so tired lately. Now, I’m doing better and ready to blog again. Maybe even work on my books! Look out world here I come…..again.

Some of my online friends were worried about me and I thank them for that. You know who you are. You guys are the best. You emailed me and asked how I was doing. That helps more than you know.

Last year was a pretty rough year. Between the husband’s cancer and chemo treatments to my mother dying. Yeah, rough. It’s getting better now. Good things are happening with more good things on the horizon. I just needed to catch my breath for a bit.

I will try my best to get back into my blogging schedule. Hope to see you around!