Posted in Blogging, Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, postaday

Kicking 2016 to the Curb

I hate to sound ungrateful. Really, I do….but I will be SO glad to see the end of 2016!

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I can’t wait for this horrible, terrible, bad year to come to an end. Can’t come soon enough for me. Not that I’m bitter……..

This was the year that the husband fought cancer, got sick on chemo treatments and was in and out of the hospital so many times I got to know the hospital’s emergency unit way too well.

My mom passed away. I miss her. We didn’t always see eye to eye on things. Ok, hell, we hardly ever did but she was my mother and the last few years we got close for the first time in our lives and then I lost her. Figures.

The husband and I fought the bureaucratic offices for any kind of help we could get just so we wouldn’t go without food or important medications. It was a hard, long fight but we won in the end.

Many good singers, actors, and people died this past year and much too early in life.

This was the year I saw an egotistical, hate spewing, bigot with a very limited and sometimes made-up vocabulary become the president-elect of the USA. I feel so scared for my home country and wince when I think of what is to come. (This is the only time you will ever read how much I dislike, distrust and abhor Trump on this blog. I keep my politics to myself)

Because of the constant stress, my health is not the best. I am a fighter, though, a survivor so I will get better and stronger this coming year.

I hardly wrote anything worthwhile. My plans for coming out with a few new books fell to the wayside with a loud thump. I could barely keep up with this blog, much less new books. It made me feel so…..wasteful. Wasteful of time and energy and my dreams.

Yes, 2016 was a terrible year. But, like all things it is temporary. A new year is fast approaching and I welcome it with a hopeful heart and a wistful soul.

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This coming year is when I plan to turn a few corners. With my health and with my writing.

I never make New Year’s resolutions. That’s just asking for failure. I have made a list of some things I want to work on this coming year.

Writing

Health

Diet

Mental health

These are just a few things I want to change for the better. I want to write those books. Lose those pounds. Become happier. Get my health back.

And take more time for my friends.

So, here comes 2017! About fricking time!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Mi Vida Loca, Monday Meeting

Monday Meeting ~~~ Dec. 19, 2016

Hello, People! Hope your weekend went well and you are all ready for the holidays.

It’s been a long time since I did a Monday Meeting. I also needed a venue to whine a bit today. Ha!

 

Monday Meeting

I think this is the first time I was glad to see a weekend pass. Whew.

Saturday I wasn’t feeling well. Nothing serious, just blah and humbug. Early evening I felt a bit off after dinner. Then it dawned on me, I could feel my blood sugars plummeting. Which was weird as I just ate!

Yet, when my blood sugars get low there is a feeling I get, part nausea and part something else which is hard to describe. I kept feeling worse. I walked from one end of the house to the other to my bedroom to do a blood glucose reading. By the time I got the glucose strip into the reader with my drop of blood I was shaking like a snowflake being blown with that wind outside.

The reader only takes seconds to read and crap……I was dangerously low and still dropping. By the time I got back to the main part of the house I could barely walk. I tried to tell the husband to get me some juice….fast! But he didn’t understand me as I guess my speech was slurred.

He finally figured out what I needed and rushed to get me my juice. I was able to sit in the kitchen chair but he had to feed me my juice as I couldn’t hold it, I was shaking too much. Scared the crap out of both of us, I can tell you. I have never had my blood sugar drop so low so fast in the eight or nine years I’ve been a diabetic.

My body ached for hours afterward. It takes much more out of a person than you would think.

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Then, by bedtime the house was getting cool so before I went to bed, I decided to turn up the thermostat. The furnace wouldn’t come on! I knew the house had been getting cool. So I fiddle with the thermostat and the furnace and can’t get the thing to come on. Well dammit.

It’s below zero outside with the wind blowing like a banshee……and the furnace decides to stop working. Great…….

It’s too late to phone anyone and the husband is fast asleep and he knows nothing about furnaces even if he was physically able to do anything. So I decide to just go to bed and try to phone someone first thing in the morning. Sunday morning. Oh hell, it’s going to cost a bloody fortune to get someone on a Sunday to come over even if I can find someone.

So I go to bed worried about how I’m going to find someone in the morning and how I’m going to pay for it. Thank goodness for heating blankets is all I can say. Sam and I managed to snuggle close and stay warm through the night.

I get up Sunday morning to a cold house and a husband I could barely see under all his blankets. He asked me if I knew how to fix the furnace. Nope…..I tried everything I could think of the night before.

It’s 12c (53F) in the house and dropping. The wind outside is vicious. Snow blowing around. And Sunday morning. What do I do?

First I get dressed because it’s too cold to stay in a nightgown. Then I think…….and think…..and worry. Then I have an idea. Our previous Angel from last year who fixed our furnace. Loche (pronounced Lock)………

I hate to call him early Sunday morning but I had run out of ideas. So I find his number and give his cell a ring. He picks up and I tell him who I am and he of course, remembers me right off. I tell him the problem with the furnace after apologizing to him for calling. He says ‘no problem’ and walks me through a couple of things to check. Nothing…..the furnace just won’t come on.

In the meantime, he is also telling me he didn’t get home until 3 am as he was on call with his work on Saturday. Well, hell. I apologize again. I feel terrible that I’m troubling this kind man but I also tell him I didn’t know what else to do.

He decides he needs to come over and look at the furnace to find out why it quit working. He tells me he will be over soon. I thank him and hang up and tell the husband the good news.

Loche shows up less than an hour later after getting out of his warm, barely slept in bed. He takes a look at the furnace and after trying a few things he concludes the problem is the thermocouple. Without that piece, it won’t keep the pilot light lit. He looks in his bags of parts and says he didn’t bring one. No problem, he will go to Home Hardware and pick one up.

So off he goes into the cold, blowing wind to find the part.

About twenty minutes later he comes back with the part and in less than five minutes he has the part installed and the furnace running! I could have hugged him! Except well, I don’t really do hugs and he’s a very shy man and would probably die of bashfulness if I did. But I was tempted!

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This is about the third Christmas in a row that we have had a Christmas angel help us with vital home repairs close to the holidays.

He only charged me 30 dollars for fixing the furnace! Can you believe it?? Now if that’s not a Christmas miracle I don’t know what is. I gave him 40 dollars that I had saved and stashed in my room. I told him to go have a hot cup of coffee on us! He wanted to give me my 10 dollar change back but I wouldn’t take it.

We shook hands and he left to go help someone else because he was still on call for work. He took precious sleeping hours to come help us out…..again.

I felt humbled as I had been in a foul mood and not really into Christmas. Loche helped with lifting that mood. I am so very fortunate in my friends. They are so good to me.

Thank you. And damn it…..

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

 

 

Posted in My Incomplete List of Small Pleasures, nonfiction, postaday

My Incomplete List of Small Pleasures ~~ Dec. 15, 2016

I have to admit to feeling a bit blue lately. Ok, a lot. I do get melancholy sometimes. I think we all do.

For the past month or more, it’s been more than melancholy for me. Like many people I usually get a bit down this time of year. A bit sad, a bit reflective. My mood has been even more than that. It borders on depression.

I had depression years ago. I mean I was down that dark, deep hole of blackness so far I thought I would never crawl out.

I did crawl out, though. It took me several years, a divorce and suicidal thoughts (not necessarily in that order)….but I did it. I crawled out and never crawled back in. I’ve been close to the brink of that hole a few times. I always caught myself before I fell in.

Many people see me as a strong woman. I don’t consider myself strong. I consider myself a survivor. Plain and simple. I survived my abusive childhood. I survived a rotten first marriage to a man bent on destroying me. I survived several attempts on my life. I survived….I survive…..I am a survivor.

But, am I strong? I don’t know. Most days I don’t think so. I certainly don’t feel it.

So today, I felt the need to write down some things I’m grateful for. Something for my soul to hold on to. Something to help this emotional cripple to keep waking up every morning. I find it helps…..sometimes.

I will not fall down that black hole.

 

The Incomplete

 

Friends. They make me smile even when I don’t feel like it. They make me think with the words that they write. They make me feel like maybe….just maybe….I’m not alone after all.

My dog Sam. He cuddles with me every night. He helps me feel like I mean something to someone, even if it’s just a small 8lb dog. Most days he’s the only other living thing that ever physically touches me.

Distractions. Books, blogs, writing, things that make me come out of my shell and look at things differently. Sometimes it helps to have a different perspective.

Optimism. Even though I’ve been staring at that deep, dark hole lately, in my heart there beats my optimism. I will be ok. Things will be ok. My life can change on a whim. It has before, it will again. Usually for the better. All things are temporary.

The holiday season. Even though I tend to get a bit down this time of year, my heart sings at all the good things that usually come out of this holiday season. The cheerful lights. The jolly Santa’s. The ever-present snowmen. The feeling in the air that things might….just might….improve. Human nature’s spirit is unquenchable. Even if this past year has been damn hard for many reasons for many people we as humans keep trying to move forward to make this a better place. The bigger the obstacles the more determined we are to overcome them.

 

So make your own list of small pleasures, even if it’s just in your own head and heart. It still makes a difference.

 

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Posted in poetry, postaday

I Don’t Belong ~~~ A Poem

 

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I Don’t Belong

I don’t belong….

to the here and now

I don’t belong….

to where or when

I don’t belong….

to her or him

I don’t belong….

to them.

I don’t belong….

and I know not why

I don’t belong….

and no one cares

I don’t belong….

the mind screams silently

I don’t belong….

the heart breaks loudly

I don’t belong….

I never did

I don’t belong….

I never will

I don’t belong….

I never tried

I don’t belong….

do you?

 

 

 

Posted in Christmas, His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

News, Updates and a Christmas Question

Hello, People!

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First the news and updates. The husband and I have been doing the doctor rounds again. Nothing serious! Just his six-month cancer checkup and trying to get him some help for his back pain.

Good news….he is now officially cancer free and in complete remission! He has had a CT scan and a few months ago he had another colonoscopy and it showed him completely cancer free. Whew! That was a relief I can tell you. I know he was worried about it. Who wouldn’t be?

The husband has arthritis on the spine with the added complication of a number of spurs there too. We have been trying for years to get him more help for the immense pain he is constantly in. Yesterday we finally were able to get in to see a specialist for this. With the combined efforts of his general MD and help from a home care nurse, we got an appointment with this specialist yesterday.

It was almost an all day affair but it’s something we got used to this last year with his cancer. First off to the hospital lab for blood work, then to X-rays for….well, x-rays, then finally in to see the specialist. He asked a million questions, examined the husband and asked me a million more questions. Bottom line….the doctor wasn’t sure if he could help the husband. He ordered a more invasive x-ray done of the spine with a special dye and then we go back to see the specialist in about a month.

So, the husband is still on strong pain meds (which were prescribed even stronger) and we won’t know if any other procedures or meds will help his situation for another month.

It’s a beginning though and we are grateful for that!

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Now for the Christmas question.

I wanted to know who would like a Christmas card? A real, paper, Christmas card showing up via snail mail?

I am going to be making out my cards this weekend and wanted to know if any of my new friends and readers would like me to add them to my list? I have a number of you from the year before last when I started my list for Christmas cards but I know some of you have moved and a few of you are new(ish) to my blog.

Let me know in the comments if you would like a card and I’d be more than happy to send you one!

Me, personally, I LOVE getting things in the mail. It makes my whole day when I do!

If you would like one from me, Sam and the gang just let me know and I’ll contact you for your address! Also, if you’d like to send me one and don’t have my address, let me know that too and I’ll send you my address!

I didn’t do this much last year as it was not a good time for me then but this year will be different. I’m feeling much more…..un-stressed, I guess you could say.

Which is a good thing. So let’s have a Merry Christmas ya’ll!!

 

 

 

Posted in Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

When I Was Young

 

After my mother died in May of this year, my sister sent me a small box of photos that were my mom’s. I was happy about that because before that I had no photos at all of me or my family.

The reason I had no photos is a long story, best suited for some other time.

In the pictures that my sister sent me, I found a few of them of myself when I was just a small child. Wow, was that a long time ago!

I thought it would be fun to show you what I looked like way back then. I couldn’t believe I had ever been that small……..

I promised my good friend Mer that I would share a few pictures. I even have some of my mom and dad from a long time ago. I’ll share those at a later date.

Now, don’t laugh too hard at me…….

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This first one is of me in Kindergarten. I must have been about 5 or 6 then. Don’t you just love those bangs? haha!

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This picture was about sixth grade I believe. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure. My dad kept this picture in his wallet for many years, that’s why it’s in such bad shape. Again with the bangs.

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As you can see, this one was taken in 1969, I was 14 then. I also had short hair for about the last time in my life. My mom made me cut it short. I hated it. We were also living in the much-haunted house at that time. My regular readers will know about it. My mom is next to me and my little brother in front of me. He was 12 then. My dog Chang in my lap. He was a blond Pekingese. I loved that dog and he hated everyone but me and dad.

 

So there you have it. I very young me! Such a long time ago. Sigh………