Month: January 2017

postaday · Wednesday Whatever! · Word Fun

Wednesday Whatever!

JackieP10 Comments

I almost did a post about the nightmares I’ve been having. Really. They involve Trump and my ex. Now isn’t that the definition of nightmares? Then I decided most of us are probably Trumped out, so I decided to keep my nightmares to myself. I just hope they stop soon because I’m beginning to really dislike the color orange.

Instead, I decided we all needed a little break from the bleak world of Trumpiness. (Yes, that’s a made-up word. Go with it.)

Today I’m going to discuss Spoonerisms. (Yes, this is a REAL word.) What’s a spoonerism you ask? Great question! Spoonerisms are words or phrases in which letters or syllables get swapped. This often happens accidentally in slips of the tongue.

For example…

  • A lack of pies (A pack of lies) (ok, my mind is still on Trump, sorry!)

We’ve all had slips of the tongue. I know I do it. Especially, when I’m excited or angry. Then I want to say something profound (or profane) and it comes out all wrong. Which is funny and it breaks the mood.

Here are some others I’ve found in my research on Spoonerisms (or my procrastination on writing something more profound.)

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Tease my ears (Ease my tears)

My zips are lipped (My lips are zipped)

Cop porn (Popcorn)

Ready as a stock (Steady as a rock)

I hit my bunny bone (I hit my funny bone)

Know your blows (Blow your nose)

And this little story I found….full of spoonerisms. Have a laugh on me!

Goldybear and the Three Locks

Once a time upon, long before there were beddy tares, there lived in a far wood away, the bear threes. There was the boppa pear, the bomma mare, and the little bearby babe.

Now, this gramily of fizzlies hived lappily for a tong, tong, lime, weep in the doods, in a little louse made out of hogs. Things were fine until one morning when they sat down to pour their eatage. You see, the bother mare said, “My porridge is hoo tot!”

And the bother mare pasted her torrage and said, “This is har foo tot!” And the bittle laby bear said, “My porrige is head rot, fike a lurnace!” So the bear threes decided to go for a long woods in the walk, to let their corridge pool.

Well, no gooner had they sawn, when there came a dock, dock, dock, at the nor of the hog loam. And you know who that was? Right! Loldygocks. And she was looking for a plesting race. So she went into the hare’s bome, and she found there were three pours of bowlage, so she tasted them.

Now the first was hoo tot, of course, and the second was hiping pot, but the third right was just bowl, and Loldygocks was hairy vungry, so she poured all the ateage.

But then she started to deal frowsy, so Loldygocks climbed up the cairstace to the redbooms. When she got there, she saw there were bee little threads.

Now, the birst fed was hoo tard. And the becond sed was soo toft. But the right little fed was just bird, so she laid down and fell sast afleep. In fact, she snarted to store. (Snort!)

Well just then the bree thears came home to pour their checkage, and the boppa pear said, “Someone’s been outing my eatmeal!”, and the bother mare said, ” Someone’s been pouring my eatage!”, and the bearby babe said, “Hey, someone’s been grampling my sanola!”

Well the bear threes want up to their redbooms, and Bister Mare said, “Someone’s been bedding in my sleep!”, and the bother mare said, “Someone’s been beeping in my sled!”, and the little bearby babe said, “Someone’s been cruising in my snib, and there she is!”

Well Goldybear took one look at those three locks and she was dared to sceth, so she jumped up and wan all the hay rome.

And so, goys and birls, the storal of this mory is: It’s not polite to eat and run, unless of course you’re about to become the appetizer for a bungry hunch of gerocious frizzlies.

 

 

My grammar checker had heart palpitations on that one! Have you got any spoonerisms that have come out of your mouth? Let us know! 

 

 

 

Humor · Tuesday's Tongue Twisters

Tuesday’s Tongue Twisters

JackieP6 Comments

Hello once again, folks! Here are some more fun tongue twisters for you to enjoy.

Tongue twisters aren’t just for fun you know. They are a huge help with your pronunciation. Many actors and public speakers practice them as a means to better their way of speaking. So think of these as education tools!

tongue-twisters

 

Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep.
The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed
Shilly-shallied south.
These sheep shouldn’t sleep in a shack;
Sheep should sleep in a shed.

 

Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.

 

Three sweet switched Swiss witches
Watch three washed Swiss witch Swatch watch switches.
Which sweet switched Swiss witch watches
Which washed Swiss witch Swatch watch switch?

 

A big bug bit a bold bald bear and the bold bald bear bled blood badly.

 

A maid named Lady Marmalade made mainly lard and lemonade. M’lady lamely never made a well-named, labeled marmalade!

 

A twister of twists once twisted a twist;
A twist that he twisted was a three-twisted twist;
If in twisting a twist one twist should untwist,
The untwisted twist would untwist the twist.

 

 

 

Tuesday's Tongue Twisters

Tuesday’s Tongue Twisters

JackieP15 Comments

Hello, People!

I thought about coming up with something new for the blog this year. So, here it is!

Tuesday’s Tongue Twisters

We all love playing with words, right? RIGHT??? Ok, maybe it’s just me. That’s ok.

I used to love tongue twisters when I was a kid. We’d all try to say them real fast and laugh when someone messed up. Which was usually all of us. So, I thought about having some fun on the blog.

It’s been a rough couple of years, for me anyway. I thought we all could do with a bit of fun. So, every Tuesday I will post a few tongue twisters for our amusement. You can help. If you come up with some of your own, message me using my contact page and let me know. I’ll post your tongue twister and of course give you credit.

To start us out, I thought I’d throw out some old favorites that I remember. See how well you can say them! Have fun……..

 

tongue-twisters

 

I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop.
Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.

I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won’t wish the wish you wish to wish.

How many cookies could a good cook cook If a good cook could cook cookies? A good cook could cook as much cookies as a good cook who could cook cookies.

 

A tutor who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot
Said the two to the tutor
“Is it tougher to toot or to tutor two tooters to toot?”

 

 

There you go! Now, send me your tongue twisters!

 

His Days (about the husband) · Humor · Mi Vida Loca · Wednesday Whatever!

Wednesday Whatever! Jan. 11, 2017

JackieP19 Comments

I’m going to tell you a true story. It’s a bit funny, a little sad, and a slice of my life as it is now.

It deals with the husband. Many of you know of him. I write about him sometimes. He’s had his share of hard times the last few years. Debilitating back pain, colon cancer and all that comes with battling that. Now we find out he has cataracts, in both eyes.

He is dealing with it all like a trooper. The man is strong in many ways.

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But…..sometimes our life is like a comic skit. A dark one, maybe, but a bit of dark humor never hurt anyone.

It happened one day last week. The morning started well enough. I mean, I managed to get up out of bed. I always figure that’s a good start to any day. I have a routine in the mornings. It helps to have a routine when you are still half asleep and need to do certain things first thing in the mornings.

I dole out the husband’s daily pills. So, I count out his pills and walk out to the living room where he is still sleeping. I put his pills in his daily pill container and still half asleep go to make my first, much-needed cup of coffee. Didn’t really look at the husband as he was buried under his blankets. Usual morning.

I grab my cup of coffee and head down the hallway to my home office. After firing up my computer I do what I normally do every day. I check out WordPress, briefly bring up Facebook, and then go into my emails. Same old, same old.

About an hour later I finally hear the husband’s shuffling feet coming down the hallway to his bathroom. Again, same old stuff. A few minutes later I hear him coming towards me. Probably just to say good morning. Ok. No problem.

He stops in the doorway, as our two fat cats have decided to lay in the open doorway and believe me, you can’t walk over both of them. They take up too much room. He stands there and starts talking to me. I only listen with half an ear because…well, I only had one cup of coffee and I’m reading….and well, ok, sometimes I’m a terrible wife.

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I glance over at him briefly when he asks me a question. Just a quick look. Then I do a double take. I sit back in my chair, grab my glasses to put on for a better look…..and ask him….What the hell did you do to your face!?

His face ….. it was cherry red with what suspiciously looked like hives! It looked terrible. I mean, really, it looked like it should hurt like hell.

This is pretty close to how our conversation went……..

“What the hell happened to your face?”

” Why?” (Rubs his face and grimaces)

“It’s red! And terrible looking! I also think you have hives!”

(Rubs his face again and looks at his hand) “Really? Must be from that cream you gave me.”

“I didn’t give you any cream.”

“Yes, you did.”

“Nope, I didn’t. So what cream are we talking about?”

“The cream you gave me. It was on my shelf.” (He has a shelf next to his bed where he keeps all his stuff.)

“I didn’t give you any cream!”

“You must have. Why would I have it then?”

“Why would I give you cream? I would remember if I gave you any cream and I don’t so I didn’t.”

“Then, why do I have it?”

Well, I had to admit that one had me stumped. So I get out of my nice warm, comfy office chair and say……

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“Show me this cream.”

We both shuffle back down the hallway to the living room where his bed and shelf are. And where this baffling, notorious, cream is. He digs around his shelf and triumphantly hands me this small tube that I swear I have never seen in my life!

As I’m trying to read the small print on this small tube I hear him say…..

“See! You gave me this moisturizing cream, so I used it last night on my face because my face felt dry.”

“I have never seen this tube before.” I murmur as I try to read the small print. When I read what it says I start to laugh.

“This isn’t moisturizing cream…..it’s shower gel.”

“Then why did you give it to me?”

“I didn’t give it to you! I would remember and I don’t, so I didn’t give it to you!”

“Then why do I have it?”

I just sigh and look at his poor face. I don’t know why he has it. It’s not something I would ever buy.

“Did you not read the tube before you used it?”

“I couldn’t make out what it said. I just assumed since you gave it to me that it was moisturizing cream. So I used it all over my face in the middle of the night and then went back to sleep.”

“Well, it’s shower gel. A cheap gel and obviously you are allergic to it.”

He uses his forefinger to scratch at a hive.

“Don’t scratch it! Go splash some warm water over your face to make sure the gel is all off. Don’t rub your face dry, pat it dry. You don’t want to irritate those hives.”

“Why would you give me shower gel?”

I grit my teeth and say, “I. Didn’t. Give. It. To. You.”

He goes slowly towards his bathroom, mumbling….”Well, I don’t know who else would give it to me. Had to be you.”

I just shake my head, throw the tube in the trash and give up the battle. We could go on for hours.

I get him a Benadryl for the itching and send him to the pharmacist to see if they had anything for the hives. They tell him just to keep taking the Benadryl and to use a cream they sold him for the itching.

He was miserable for a couple of days. I still don’t know where the cream came from. I have my suspicions but I gave up that particular battle. I did tell him to please…PLEASE….show me anything he wants to use or take before he does so I know it’s ok.

Welcome to my world……..

 

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