Blogging · His Days (about the husband) · Mi Vida Loca · nonfiction · writing

End of the Year Rant/Talk/Catch-Up/Something or Other

JackieP

Hello, People! Yes, it’s really me. Been a while I know. I haven’t posted anything since November 9th. I think in the five or so years of blogging this is the longest I’ve gone without posting a thing.

Honestly, I just didn’t have the energy or want to. I felt/feel drained. Totally used up. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

It’s been a hard year, hell, it’s been a hard couple of years. No one’s fault. Just the way life is.

I find myself moody lately, my temper easily set off. I’m not a pleasant person to be around right now. Just ask the husband. I snap at him and everyone else. I’m super sarcastic and just awful, to tell the truth. Hell, I don’t even like myself.

I’m tired of life giving me the finger. I’m tired of dealing with one crisis after another. I’m tired of NOT writing. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of having to make all the decisions and deal with the repercussions of my decisions. I’m tired of dealing with people who treat me like I’m an idiot just because I’m old, a woman, short and fat or whatever reason.

I’m tired of some people treating me and the husband like we are lepers and have something they might catch just because the husband had a stroke and lost his hearing aids and can’t hear very good. Yes, he had a stroke. Yes, he gets confused sometimes, yes he walks bent over like an old man, yes, he repeats himself……a lot. Yes, he’s sick and his next stroke might be his last. And ok, maybe you don’t like me personally. I’m fine with that. You don’t have to like me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

BUT……he’s still alive, he’s still talking, eating, walking, carrying on conversations (limited I know but still doing it). Yet he gets ignored and left alone and there is nothing I can do about it. I realize people have their own lives to live. That is no reason to forget about someone who is supposed to be a friend or relative.

I just don’t understand people. Maybe that’s why I don’t like most people.

Whew! That was quite a rant. I have felt it boiling up in me for weeks. Maybe I’ll feel better now that I’ve ‘blown’ so to speak. Maybe not.

Now that my rant is out of the way. And no, I’m not apologizing for it. It is how I feel. I don’t tell people how I REALLY feel often enough. That might change.

As for the husband. He’s still weak. Still can’t use his right hand. But, he does seem to be getting stronger. God knows he’s more stubborn. Some days are good and he can carry on conversations and stay with it. Some days not so much. Some days he’s super argumentative. Some days happy and joking around like he used to. It’s a bit of a roller coaster ride.

As for this blog. I’m continuing it. I’ll be writing more (fingers crossed). I’m not sure what I will be writing. I’m hoping more stories, more fiction, more poetry (even bad poetry) and fewer rants and raves.

I’m needing to get back to writing. It helps ground me.

I’m not trying to find the old me. She’s gone. Like the past year, gone forever. I am looking to find the new me. The one that is a bit wiser. A bit more settled. A bit happier.

I want to thank all my friends who have asked after me. Asked about the husband. And never judge.

I want to thank all the readers who no matter how erratic my posting was, read what I wrote.

I want to thank everyone who will be back again next year to help me grow into a better person, friend, and writer. It’s good to have you with me.

Happy New Year’s Everyone!

 

 

19 thoughts on “End of the Year Rant/Talk/Catch-Up/Something or Other”

  2. Happy New Year Jackie, I hope 2018 is a better one for you, from what you say it can only improve. Having a good rant can often be just the ticket to release the frustrations you talk about. Good luck with the writing, it will come back. Take care.

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    1. Knowing life now, yeah, it could get worse. Or maybe it’s just my mood. Eh, whatever. Thank you for the well wishes, Michael. Hope your new year is filled with all you wish and want and need.

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  3. I’m glad you finally let yourself vent all that pent up frustration. People can suck sometimes boy do I know that too. So now that you’ve let it all out, I look forward to getting to know the new you. I know I’ll love her just as much. Take care of yourself…Please.

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    1. I had to vent, Lois or hurt someone. I am just that emotional right now. I hope it doesn’t last. I’m taking care of myself the best I can right now. A new year, a new me. Again. 😉

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      1. Then I am glad you choose to vent to your online friends, we can take it and I know many of us understand the frustration you are living with. As always good luck to you and your husband.

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  4. Hell, aren’t most people cheerful after being run over by a loaded semi? You guys have been through it and I understand exactly what you are talking about . No one seems to care enough to make things a little easier for the 2 of you. I can’t say this last year has been great but I lived through it and hope to make it through another. Hope you hang in there with me. Venting is a good thing and I’m glad you are writing about it. Thinking about opening up a bit myself. Stay tuned. You have been heavy on my mind lately because I know how hard it is for you. You need a break to keep helping him and yourself. Hang in there girl and don’t let them win. Next year has to be better.

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    1. Well, we all lived through it. You, me and the husband. We are tough. We’ll make it. I just get pissed about things and eventually have to let it out. Venting is a good thing. If you need to do it, do it! I highly recommend it. I’ll be here to listen to you. I do need a break but don’t see one coming anytime soon. “They” have never won. I don’t break easily. I might bend but I don’t break. And neither do you. Love you lady. ❤

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  5. You don’t need to apologize for speaking your mind. After all you’ve been through, you’re entitled. I’m in the same boat you are. I posted today (first time since November 14th). I’m sick and tired of life kicking me around, too. I’ve changed, too. Pain screwed me over big-time. I heard a lot of myself in your post (I didn’t read your post first). Maybe we can both make 2018 a better year. I’m hopeful. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you and your husband. I’m glad he’s a bit stronger.

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    1. Thanks, Donna. I did read your post too. I forgot to push the like button. We both have been through a lot that’s for sure. I am so glad to see the end of 2017. Cheers to 2018 and a much better and healthier year to us both!

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  6. That was a powerful rant, Jackie. It had to come out. I’m happy we could say goodbye to 2017 and grow some hope that this year will be better, shape up more to our liking. You will find your new self, I’m sure. And that new self can vent with me. Anytime. Much love ❤

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  7. I was looking at my Blogroll, saw your name – which reminded me that I needed to stop by. Sorry I missed this one. Although a rant, it had to good to vent – to let out some of the frustration. Keep doing what you can!

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