My partner in crime….or should I say my partner in poorness has a great idea about where to purchase your bedsheets! Go take a look.
This week has been a week of reflection. Today is only Wednesday so I imagine the rest of the week will be much the same.
I know I haven’t posted much this month. I took an unplanned month off of writing, of posting, of doing much of anything, really. I can’t even blame it on an active social life, as I don’t have one. All my friends are online. I don’t have anyone here that I go out for coffee with, that I go shopping with, that I just hang with. I hang with my computer, my dog Sam and sometimes the husband.
Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t feel as if I’m missing out. At one time I had all those things. Good friends that I had coffee with, shopped with, or just hung out with. So I know what it’s like to have all that. It might seem strange to you that I much prefer how I am now. Today. Right this minute. On my computer typing out words that my friends will read.
Do I ever get lonely? You might ask that. The short answer…No. No, I very rarely get lonely. I enjoy my solitary lifestyle. It’s not for everyone. The husband hates being alone. In fact, he gets depressed if he’s alone for too long. He enjoys people. Being with people, talking, joking, laughing, drinking, whatever he and his friends do together. He enjoys that interaction and he misses it when he doesn’t get it. He is the type of person who needs other people around, he thrives on it. Unfortunately, since he got so sick and can’t do much physically his ‘friends’ have faded into the background.
This hurts him. He doesn’t understand it.
I do. Sort of.
The past year or so has been rough. Hell, the past four years have been rough. I don’t feel sorry for myself. It has shown me just how strong I can be. That’s always a good thing.
When my mom died at the end of May it hit hard. Not because my mom and I were best friends or that we had a tight bond. We weren’t and we didn’t. My mom and I had a rocky relationship since the day I was born. That’s ok. She taught me how to be strong and how to be my own woman. I guess you could say she taught me the true meaning of ‘tough love’. It was tough to love her. But I did. I just didn’t always like her. Or her me.
A few people know I have written my autobiography. I haven’t published it. I wouldn’t publish it while my mother was still alive. Now that she’s gone? I probably still won’t publish it. Not yet. Maybe never. It’s not pretty. I’m not even sure if it would have a happy ending. Because my life is still ongoing. For now.
The writings have a lot of my mom in them. She was never the hug you, compliment you, tell you she loves you type of mother. I never heard those words from her. “I love you.” Never. Not once. My sister and I had a conversation the other week and we discussed our mother and never hearing those words from her. It bothers my sister. It doesn’t bother me. Why? Because I accept that was the kind of woman my mother was. My sister has a harder time accepting that. That’s her right. I don’t try to persuade her otherwise.
The only time I heard my mother say, “I’m sorry” was for something she never did. Which seems strange, as she did plenty. Yet, the only time I heard her apologize to me was for something that was never in her control. My sexual abuse. She never even knew about it until I was an adult. Then she had to ask me outright if I was abused by the person who abused me for years. I told her the truth. That I was. She cried and kept telling me she was sorry.
I told her she had nothing to be sorry for in that instance. It wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t tell her when I was a child and it was happening. And later. Well, what was the point of hurting her so much? So I said nothing. Until she asked me.
My mother was who she was. I am who I am. So we never mentioned it again.
So many memories surfaced when my mother died. Then I received a box from my sister this week. It was filled with memories. With pictures and items from my mother’s house. I looked at all those pictures. Some of so very long ago. Of me. My mother. My dad. And I became reflective.
I called my sister and thanked her for the pictures. As I didn’t have any before that. Not a one. The reason why is another long story I might tell some day. Again. As it’s already a part of my autobiography. And again, it’s a story of me and my mother.
So, I guess, in a long about way, I’m saying why I took an unplanned month off from blogging. Life’s memories got in the way. Mix that in with just being tired to the bone and you have the recipe for doing nothing. Or almost nothing. For a month.
I’m catching my breath back again. With the help of my friends. Here. Now. You. I will be ok.
Hello people! Come over and visit my new blog that I have started with my friend Mer! We are the ‘Thrifty Divas’!! Come and say hi and give us a follow if you want to learn how we live well on very little. 🙂 Or just come over and give us a wave!
I’m sure you know by now that today is National Dog Day. So in honor of today here is my favorite dog and best buddy……Sam the Man, Sammy, Sam, Baby Boy…etc……
Ah, it’s good to be back! It seems I took an unplanned mini-vacation from blogging. It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post. Seems a lot longer. Now I’m back in the saddle again. Did you miss me? No? Ah well, I missed you!
The reason for the time away from blogging was nothing serious. I was just super busy and a bit lazy. Seemed like the husband and I had something to do almost every day. The days we didn’t have appointments I spent doing nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true either. I read books, I cleaned house and I watched endless videos on YouTube. Yeah, being super lazy. No writing, not being creative, no brain cells spent.
The husband is done with chemo treatments. He is doing better. He had another colonoscopy Friday to make sure no more tumors have grown and to check on his colon operation. The only problem the doctor found was where they had patched his colon together after removing the tumor. They had to dilate that area as it had collapsed. Otherwise, he was healthy. Yay! It’s been a long year of operations and chemo treatments for him.
A person doesn’t realize how much pressure they are under until some of it is gone. I was so tired lately. Now, I’m doing better and ready to blog again. Maybe even work on my books! Look out world here I come…..again.
Some of my online friends were worried about me and I thank them for that. You know who you are. You guys are the best. You emailed me and asked how I was doing. That helps more than you know.
Last year was a pretty rough year. Between the husband’s cancer and chemo treatments to my mother dying. Yeah, rough. It’s getting better now. Good things are happening with more good things on the horizon. I just needed to catch my breath for a bit.
I will try my best to get back into my blogging schedule. Hope to see you around!
Earlier this week I wrote a post about problems I was having with Amazon. Someone had hacked my Amazon account and I was trying to get it back. Along with my regular account, the hacker also had control over my two books that are published on Amazon.
The fight to get my account straightened out and control over my books again had been going for close to a month. I did everything I was supposed to do, I changed my password frequently, to no avail. The hacker still managed to hijack my account. So again, I did what I was supposed to do, I alerted my bank, I wrote an email to Amazon customer service detailing what had happened.
After the first initial contact with customer service, I was then pulled into a vortex of red tape and confusion. I was handed off to one customer service representative after another, from one department after another. It was frustrating and I was getting angry. My books were out there under the control of who knows who and I wanted them back.
I wasn’t too worried about my bank account because there is nothing in there. Still, I did everything I could to protect myself financially. That was easy enough to take care of. I have a great bank.
I lost count of how many people at Amazon I talked to on the phone and through emails. There were a lot. None seemed really able to do anything. After a while, they didn’t even seem to try as they just would send a standard email. They closed my Amazon account at least three different times. So I would have to go through re-opening it again and again. I was ready to say ‘screw it’ and not open it up again. But, there were my books out there. They were still listed on Amazon, yet, I had no control over them as my author account was attached to my Amazon account.
I finally did that post on WordPress about what was happening and asking for advice. And boy did I get it! Along with lots of sympathy and support from complete strangers and friends. People are wonderful!
I did finally get the right kind of help from Amazon and I have my books back! Yes!!! It was all because of series of wonderful people who helped get the word out and eventually who helped me get my books back into my control.
First was Chris at The Story Reading Ape, he kindly reposted my post on my Amazon troubles. Thank you, Chris! Because of your re-blog, I received all sorts of advice and offers of help from some very kind people.
Annabell Franklin kindly used Twitter with a link to my post to ask people for help. Thank you, Annabell! Because of your tweet, a very nice man by the name of Colin Hayden who works for Kindle Direct Publishing contacted me. I phoned him with the number he gave me and explained my problems and he promised he would make sure I got my books back on my Amazon and Kindle publishing account.
A few days later I received an email from another very nice employee at Kindle Direct Publishing (Bridgid O’Neal) stating my books should be back into my control and to check my KDP account. Sure enough, there they were! I was so grateful to see them again. I wrote Ms. O’Neal and thanked her very kindly for telling me my books were mine once again.
So, I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you to Chris for re-blogging my original post because without your help the chain of events might never have happened and I would still be fighting to get my books back. Thank you!!!!!
Also, thank you to all the very nice people who commented and emailed me with suggestions and/or support. It meant a lot to me. WordPress has the greatest blogging community that I know of. I appreciate you all!
I was looking at my WordPress stats the other day. A rare occurrence for me, as I usually don’t bother with the stats page. If people read my posts that’s great, if not, that’s ok too. I’m not for everyone.
What surprised me was the one post of mine that was the most popular. It’s the open letter to my sister. I posted that letter on November 5, 2014. Since that day it has been read 7161 times. Almost three thousand more times than my second most popular post.
I was floored. Seven thousand, one hundred and sixty-one times, someone has clicked on that post to read it. You know what that tells me? A whole lot of people are wanting to re-connect with their sister. That’s kind of sad.
That one post is consistently the most viewed post…..every. single. day!
Family members are probably the hardest to deal with, especially if there is anger, resentment, misunderstanding and grudges between them. I wrote that letter two years ago because my sister and I had drifted apart. We were no longer talking and I missed her. I didn’t understand what I had done to cause the riff between us. She just refused to talk to me. Granted we were hundreds of miles apart, with her living in Wisconsin and me in Canada. Still, I missed that sisterly connection.
So I wrote her an open letter. I expressed my bewilderment and my love. Hoping, maybe, one day she’d see it and read it. I don’t know if she ever did as she is not on the internet much.
Since my mother died at the end of May this year, my sister and I have started talking again. At first, it was just about my mom, then after she died about her estate. Now, we are talking more like we used to…as sisters. I very grateful for that. It’s just such a shame that it only happened because of the death of my mom. I’ll take it and run with it as I’ve missed her.
Even if one person who looked at that post as inspiration found that connection again with their sister, well then, I’ve made a difference. It was never in my mind to help others with that post, a bit selfish I’m sure but there it is.
So if you can, if you want, keep your family close. I’m trying. Although I have to admit I can and do well without some. But that’s a whole other post. 😉
If you were on the outs with a family member, did you reconnect? Or not? Let me know if you’re comfortable doing so!
It would be great if you all would answer this short survey. Since I also write mysteries I am curious. Thank you!
If you haven’t answered the Survey Questions yet, we still need more responses. It doesn’t take long.
Here we are on LitWorldInterviews with our first of many Genre oriented surveys. The success of our previous survey “Why do people stop reading a book?” and the response in the comments prompted a more detailed evaluation of the topic.
Please reblog and sharethis with as many people as you can so we have a lot of responses to make the data we share as accurate as can be expected.
We need at least 100 responses or there’s no reason to post the results.
This month’s survey is the genre of Mystery.
Thank you to the following 19 bloggers for making our previous survey such a success by reblogging the survey:
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Here is something special from someone extra special!
Hello, People! I’m trying to get my life back to normal again. Well, as normal as I’ll ever be, which seems to change with the wind. So it is, so it will ever be.
Today’s post is going to be a TMI post but in a fun way (I hope). My friend (who goes by many names) did a post called ‘The Slightly TMI List of Questions‘. She’s a funny lady and I love her muchly so I thought I would steal the post from her and do my own.
Are you ready? And off we go………..
1 – Boxer shorts or budgy smugglers?
I would have to say boxer shorts. I like using my imagination…….
2 – What color of underwear are you currently wearing?
I’m old….so white it is. Yeah, boring right?
3 – How long have you been wearing them for?
I could lie and say for a week and gross you all out….but I won’t. ha! Since I got dressed, about an hour ago.
4 – Do you ever use binoculars to watch people?
I don’t own any binoculars (note to self…get a pair of binoculars). If I DID own a pair I don’t think I would watch people with them. I prefer nature. You know, birds and animals and such. People I watch anyway, just with my regular old eyes. People are such strange creatures……
5 – Have you ever kicked someone in the groin?
Yes, I have. It was kind of accidently on purpose.
6 – Would you pull a trigger?
Yes, and I have a few times. At targets. Now if you had asked ‘would you pull a trigger at somebody’ the answer would be the same. Yes. I have a couple of times. Don’t worry, I never hit them. Just needed to scare them a bit. Which I did. If I wouldn’t have, I would in all probability not be here today so my conscious is clear.
7 – If you met your favorite celebrity, and they wanted to make out with you, would you?
I’m not even sure if I have a favorite celebrity. So it’s a maybe. Eh, who knows.
8 – Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and one-night-stands)?
Sure, lots of times. Haven’t most of us?
9 – Have you had one-night-stands?
Yes, I have. Hey, you don’t get to be this age and not experiment or have a life, right? Right!
10 – Does sex have the same importance to you now compared to when you were younger?
Short answer….no. I’m at that age where I know sex isn’t that important anymore. Companionship, friendship, and communication have become more important. You’ll get there one day, my friends. Wait and see.
11 – Have you ever eaten a worm?
Not that I know of. But saying that, I cannot say for sure, as I used to drink Tequila. 😉 Who knows if I did or didn’t while doing so.
12 – What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Liver! That is the nastiest thing. Ugh. Now I’ve eaten grasshoppers, bees, ants, snake and assorted other creatures, but liver of any kind is just nasty.
13 – How long do you spend sitting on the toilet?
Have I mentioned that I’m old? So I have spent way too much time on the toilet than I should have to.
14 – What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)?
I don’t read, text or anything like that. I sometimes come up with story lines, though. Well, I did warn you guys that there will be TMI. ha!
15 – Have you ever been peed at?
Anyone who has ever changed a diaper of a little boy has been peed at. I don’t have kids but I’ve babysat them. I’ve also been peed at by dogs when they get too excited. So yeah, I have.
16 – What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed?
Oysters. I swear it’s like swollowing snot. Ugh. Or liver….again.
17 – What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home?
My friend said cat box and I have to agree with her. I have two huge cats. So yeah, I would say the cat box.
18 – Why don’t you clean it?
Why don’t you clean it! Sorry…..got a bit defensive there….. um, I DO clean it. Every day. They like to come in right after I’m done and do their thing. Sigh…..it’s never ending because they are cats.
19 – Do you eat your boogers?
Really? You had to go there? I don’t eat them. Eck. I knew a kid in school who used to. He would sit in class all day and munch down. He didn’t have any friends. Kids are like that.
20 – Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag?
I have a very strong stomach. It would take something major to make me gag. I’m sitting here thinking, give me a minute……. Ok, all I get is rubbing alcohol. It doesn’t really make me gag, it’s more like a rolling of the stomach and a faint feeling. Yeah, I’m weird.
21 – Have you ever had head lice?
No. Even in school. Most of the kids would get them but I never did. Believe me, my mom checked.
22 – Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone?
Yes, too often.
23 – Have you ever been scared of someone?
Yes, I have. When you look in the eyes of stone cold killer, you tend to get scared.
24 – What do you do when you’re drunk that you wouldn’t want anyone to know about?
I had to really go back a ways on this one. Way back. I came up with…nothing. Even when I was young, I never got that drunk that I didn’t know what I was doing. I might not have cared if I did it, but I never did anything I was ashamed about. I like being in control.
25 – Have you tried pole dancing?
No. If I was younger and more in shape I might as I’ve heard it’s good exercise. Plus have you ever seen what those people can do on one of those poles? They are fantastic!
26 – Have you been in a strip club?
Yes and I have never seen the fascination with them.
27 – Have you ever run over an animal?
Yeah, I did once. Even though it was a skunk I felt terrible for days.
28 – Have you ever peed in snow?
I don’t remember ever doing so. So I’m going with no.
29 – Have you ever made fun of someone and then regretted it?
Once. I did that in grade school. Felt bad about it and tried not to do it again. Unfortunately, I probably did do it again. Sigh, I’m bad.
30 – What’s your favorite kind of question on Cards for Humanity (if you know the game)?
Never played the game.
31 – If the father of your best friend hit on you, what would you say to him?
I don’t believe the father of my best friend is alive anymore. Well, I know one isn’t. The other best friend is almost my age and her father is very old. Doubt it would happen.
32 – Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age?
I had to laugh at this one. Half my age? If I wasn’t married. Maybe. haha! Double my age? Not unless I’m into dating dead guys. As believe me they would be way dead!
33 – Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth?
I don’t clean it no. I do however rinse it out….because ewwwwww.
34 – Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink?
35 – Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out afterwards?
Oh gods, yeah I have. Like my friend’s answer, my ex used to do snuff. Now that is some nasty crap. Also, I never liked beer, so any guy that was drinking beer. Ugh.
36 – What is your number one goal in life, and are you living it?
Well, right now, my number one goal in life is to live, so yeah, I’m living it. hahahaha
37 – Do you spy on your neighbor(s)? If yes, why?
I wouldn’t call it spying. More like an interested bystander. Yeah, that’s so much classier than ‘spy’. Why? Because people are weird.
38 – Have you ever danced and/or cried in the rain?
Yes to both. I’ve cried in the rain when my heart was broken and it just happened to be raining and I was outside. I danced in the rain because I could.
39 – Have you ever ditched work to just chill out on your own (with or without Netflix)?
Yes, because I am an introvert and I need to recharge. When I used to work outside the home I would take a day here and there and just enjoy the silence and be at peace for a little while.
40 – What do you wish you were doing right now (uncensored)?
Right now? I wish I was talking to mom on the phone and telling her I love her. Since I will never be able to do that again, I wish I was in the forest taking a long walk with nature and enjoying the sounds of it, the smell of it, the peacefulness of it.
Or I was sitting watching and listening to a violent thunderstorm.
There you have it folks. If you want to do this let me know and link up! If not, I understand. Love you guys.
**update** As of 5:40 pm mountain time today, Wednesday May 25, 2016 My mom passed away. Thank you for all your sympathy and well wishes for me and my family at this time. ❤ Good-bye Mom, I love you, tell Dad hi.
I’ve been pretty quiet since late last week. No posts, very little interacting on blogs. A couple of good friends know why. I emailed them over the weekend.
It’s been a tough time for me and going to be tougher the next little bit. It’s something I’ve expected the last few months, yet, now that the time is here….it’s almost unbearable. You see, my mom is dying. She has very little time left. We are talking hours here now, according to her doctors in Wisconsin.
I talked to her the day after Mother’s day and noticed she sounded very tired and wore out. Her sense of humor was still intact though as her and I laughed over something silly. The month before she had lost most of the use of her legs. They just gave out on her, so she was using a walker. We joked that her and my husband could have a walker race. She laughed and stated that she would win. That’s how she was. She accepted things and worked them to her advantage. She is the strongest person I know.
When I talked to my sister on Friday and she told me that mom was in the hospital and wasn’t expected to live much longer, my mind went to that last bit of silliness and that’s when the tears flowed. My mother loved life. She was a diminutive person with a larger than life personality. She IS…..She IS….soon to be WAS but not just yet.
Many of my readers know about my mom as I’ve written about her several times. We even gave her a great birthday last year when a lot of you sent her birthday cards. She was so happy when she got all those cards and recipes. I’m glad I was able to do that for her with your help. Thank you.
My mom would have turned eighty-seven in October of this year. That’s a long life. Her body is just worn out the doctors told my sister. After years of dialysis and various other illness’, her small frame could not handle any more.
I won’t be able to go and say good-bye to her. I don’t have the funds. I also have a sick husband to take care of. I feel slightly better knowing my mom and I discussed this very issue several months ago. She understood that I wouldn’t be able to come to her funeral when the time came. I have responsibilities here. She was good with it. It still hurts me. So much.
My sister and I have been talking on the phone every day since the initial call on Friday. If nothing else, this has brought her and I back together, at least for now. As many of you know, we hadn’t been on speaking terms for years. I don’t know why and this is not the time to ask. I’m just grateful for now.
She has all her funeral arrangements made and paid for. She did this right after Dad died. She’s going to be cremated and her ashes will be scattered close to where she scattered my Dad’s. She said she wanted to be close to him. My sister is going to scatter her ashes under the apple trees that dad planted shortly before he died. It’s also where there are rose bushes planted. She’d like that.
Her services will be at the Webber Hill funeral home in Wabeno, Wisconsin. Just like Dad’s. I know her and Dad will be happy to be together once more if that’s what happens in the afterlife. I like to think so. If anyone would like to send a card, please email me or contact me through my contact page and I will give you the address to send them to. Since my mom enjoyed all the wonderful birthday cards last year, I know she would get a kick out of these. My sister says she will set up a board at her services with all the cards tacked on.
As for the title of this post ‘She Giggled at the word Vagina’, there is a story to this. Years ago my dad or someone else (this part I’m fuzzy at) told her a joke about vaginas. She thought it was hilarious and she laughed and giggled. Anytime after that if someone just mentioned the word vagina she would throw up her hands and go “Oh! Hahahahahah.” She just thought the word itself was so funny and it never failed to make her giggle and laugh like a schoolgirl. It was fun to see and hear.
That’s what I remember the best….that laugh. That special laugh.