Wednesday Whatever!

Have you ever gone through your search stats? I’m sure a lot of you have. That’s the stats that show you the searches people have made that landed them on a post of yours.

Just for the heck of it today I thought I would take a peek and see how people ended up on my blog. Some of it is interesting….some bizarre. Some I sit and wonder just like Sweden did with Trump…..”What were they smokin’?”

Here are just some of what I found ~~~

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Now the most searches I found had to do with an open letter I wrote to my sister. Seems a lot of people are trying to reconcile with their sisters. That is either very sad or very hopeful. If you have a sister, give her a call, write a letter, or give her a hug if you can. Wait! Do that after you read my post. ha!

Ok, here are some others I found…..

fucking brath….nine people did this search and reached my blog. WTH?? What does that even mean? Am I missing something? I don’t ever recall writing something with that in it. If anyone knows what this means let me know will ya?

rain…..Hm, I did once write a poem about rain. But, 52 people reached my blog doing this simple search. I don’t know whether to be proud or worried.

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http://www.write a letter to your sister .com……Close but no cigar. My blog is registered under http://www.tobreatheistowrite.com, I did write a couple of open letters to my sister but come on….I’m not an authority on it.

good day unicorn humor….I suppose anytime you see or hear a unicorn it would be a good day. Or a bad drug day…….but some used this search term to come visit me. I have no idea why.

two cup coffee.….First of all, good grammar would dictate that it should be “two cups of coffee”, but eh, I’m easy and I do love my coffee.

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an open letter to my brother to respect all the girls.….Now, this is a search I can get behind! Good for the people who are telling their brother to respect all the girls! Way to go!

silly groundhog….Yes, groundhogs can be silly but I don’t understand why you would come to my blog looking for them.

mandarin language…..It’s my understanding the Mandarin language is one, if not the hardest language to learn. Especially if you come to my blog looking for it!

how to write about a Halloween party…..I did happen to write about a Halloween party but I’m no expert at it. My advice……just sit down and write about the Halloween party that you’d love to go to. You can do it!

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how to write a memo for his making sister.….Well, first I don’t think YOU can make a sister, your parents have to do that. Second, I think your parents don’t need a memo for this….but one can’t be so sure I suppose.

my mom name is……Um, I don’t know. Don’t you know your mom’s name? Hint….it isn’t mom.

how the write 17 of april 2016 in words.…..I have to admit, this one made me laugh. Ok, let’s see if I can explain this one…..You almost have it all written. You just need to make 17 = seventeenth and 2016 into either two thousand and sixteen or twenty sixteen. See how easy that was? Now all together…..Seventeenth of April, two thousand and sixteen. Easy peasy. Hope this helps. (make sure April is capitalized)

 

Hope you have found these as amusing as I have. See you later!

 

 

I’m Sore and Tired of Shoveling!!

Good day, People!

As you could probably tell by my title, I’ve been shoveling snow all weekend. Southern Alberta was hit with a snow storm this weekend. It snowed damn near for all of the last two days.

So yes, I’m sore and tired of shoveling this crap! So, I thought it would be a good day to re-post one of my funnier posts. It’s all about snow and shoveling and stuff……

 

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8 – 6:00 PM

It started to snow.  The first snow of the season and  I took my cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.  So romantic.  I love snow!

December 9

I woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.  What a fantastic sight!  Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?  Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!  Shoveled for the first time in years and felt young again.  I did both the driveway and the sidewalks.  This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.  What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow.  Such a disappointment!  My neighbor tells me not to worry- we’ll definitely have a white Christmas.  No snow on Christmas would be awful!  Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter that I’ll never want to see snow again.  I don’t think that’s possible.  Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s my neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow!  8 inches last night.  The temperature dropped to  -20 F.  The cold makes everything sparkle so.  The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.  This is the life!  The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.  I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.  I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer and 2 extra shovels.  Stocked the freezer.  I thought about a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.  Then thought that’s silly.  We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning.  Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell.  The neighbor laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing.  Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

Electricity was off for 5 hours.  I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.  Nothing to do but stare at the wall.  Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove.   I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity’s back on but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.  More shoveling!  Took all day.  The damn snowplow came by twice.  Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey.  I think they’re lying.  Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out.  Might have another shipment in March.  I think they’re lying.  Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.  I think he’s lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August.  Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.  By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.  I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy.  I think the  *sshole is lying.

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December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today.  And it warmed up to 0. Thought about decorating the front of the house today.  Am I nuts?!!  Why didn’t I do it a month ago??!  

December 24

6 inches – Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.

Thought I was having a heart attack.  If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.  I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!  Tonight the family wanted me to sing Christmas carols with them and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight –

Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate

the snow!  Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.  The neighbor says I have a bad attitude. I think he’s a fricking idiot.  If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to scream.

December 26

Still snowed in.  Why the hell did I ever move here?  

December 27

Temperature dropped to – 30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20.   Still snowed in.  The neighbor is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches.  Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.  That’s the silliest thing I ever heard.  How dumb does he think I am?

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December 30

Roof caved in.  I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.    Nine more inches predicted.

 

December 31

I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

 

January 8

Feel so good.  I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.  

Why am I tied to the bed?

Tuesday’s Tongue Twisters

I’m running behind my schedule, so for today’s post, I made an executive decision to steal some tongue twisters off the internet……as usual some of you might say. ha!

Enjoy!

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Tuesday’s Tongue Twisters

Hello once again, folks! Here are some more fun tongue twisters for you to enjoy.

Tongue twisters aren’t just for fun you know. They are a huge help with your pronunciation. Many actors and public speakers practice them as a means to better their way of speaking. So think of these as education tools!

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Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep.
The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed
Shilly-shallied south.
These sheep shouldn’t sleep in a shack;
Sheep should sleep in a shed.

 

Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.

 

Three sweet switched Swiss witches
Watch three washed Swiss witch Swatch watch switches.
Which sweet switched Swiss witch watches
Which washed Swiss witch Swatch watch switch?

 

A big bug bit a bold bald bear and the bold bald bear bled blood badly.

 

A maid named Lady Marmalade made mainly lard and lemonade. M’lady lamely never made a well-named, labeled marmalade!

 

A twister of twists once twisted a twist;
A twist that he twisted was a three-twisted twist;
If in twisting a twist one twist should untwist,
The untwisted twist would untwist the twist.