Posted in Blogging, His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

Life’s Little Ups and Downs

 

 

 

It’s hard to believe it’s been over a month since I posted anything. A part of me is so let down, another part just doesn’t care. I’m nothing if not honest, especially with myself. It’s not like I haven’t been around, I have. I visit some of my favorite blogs, I talk to some of my favorite people. I’m still here. I just haven’t been writing.

As for the personal side of things, well, it could be worse I guess. The husband is slowly on the mend from his stroke in late October. He’s been to so many specialists that I’ve lost count of them all. His mind is much clearer with different pain medications. So, for now, he is on the upswing. He had his 65th birthday on February 4th. Sad thing….his mother died on his birthday. She had dementia for the last few years of her life and didn’t know anyone at the end, but she was surrounded with family when she passed and I guess that’s all anyone can hope for.

The winter here has been snowy and cold and longer than usual it seems to me. Or, I’m just getting old and can’t handle it like I used to. I long for warmer weather and summer breezes. Today we’ve had freezing rain, sleet and now snow. Yeah, I’m so over winter.

To say I haven’t been writing is kind of a lie. Sorry about that. I have been writing, just not on here. I’m working on a new story and I’ve promised my best friend, Maddie that I was going to send it to her first to read and critique. I’m so rusty now that I want to make sure it’s ok before I post it here. So yes, I am writing, kind of. It’s a hit and miss kind of thing lately. Some days I write, some days I don’t.

Mostly my problem is I’m so damn tired. This time change stuff doesn’t help me either. I hate when they have daylight savings time. It messes my sleep up and I don’t need any more help with that.

I thought at one point of closing this blog down. I’ve been blogging for almost six years now and maybe I’ve run out of things to say or do on here. But, it’s obvious I haven’t shut it down. I can’t. I love the community here in blog land. I love knowing I’ve had this blog for so long. No, it’s not earth-shattering stuff on here. I’m not political.  I don’t write deep, meaningful essays. But, I love it. I love the people I’ve met. I love the challenges. So, I’m keeping it. I’m hoping to get back into blogging more often and I appreciate everyone who has stuck with me thus far.

Life might be hard sometimes, it might be damn hard a few times but it’s my life and I’ll keep going for as long as I can. I’ll keep posting things. I’ll keep appreciating all the comments and friends I’ve made here. I’ll keep living life’s little ups and downs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted in Blogging, His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, writing

End of the Year Rant/Talk/Catch-Up/Something or Other

Hello, People! Yes, it’s really me. Been a while I know. I haven’t posted anything since November 9th. I think in the five or so years of blogging this is the longest I’ve gone without posting a thing.

Honestly, I just didn’t have the energy or want to. I felt/feel drained. Totally used up. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

It’s been a hard year, hell, it’s been a hard couple of years. No one’s fault. Just the way life is.

I find myself moody lately, my temper easily set off. I’m not a pleasant person to be around right now. Just ask the husband. I snap at him and everyone else. I’m super sarcastic and just awful, to tell the truth. Hell, I don’t even like myself.

I’m tired of life giving me the finger. I’m tired of dealing with one crisis after another. I’m tired of NOT writing. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of having to make all the decisions and deal with the repercussions of my decisions. I’m tired of dealing with people who treat me like I’m an idiot just because I’m old, a woman, short and fat or whatever reason.

I’m tired of some people treating me and the husband like we are lepers and have something they might catch just because the husband had a stroke and lost his hearing aids and can’t hear very good. Yes, he had a stroke. Yes, he gets confused sometimes, yes he walks bent over like an old man, yes, he repeats himself……a lot. Yes, he’s sick and his next stroke might be his last. And ok, maybe you don’t like me personally. I’m fine with that. You don’t have to like me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

BUT……he’s still alive, he’s still talking, eating, walking, carrying on conversations (limited I know but still doing it). Yet he gets ignored and left alone and there is nothing I can do about it. I realize people have their own lives to live. That is no reason to forget about someone who is supposed to be a friend or relative.

I just don’t understand people. Maybe that’s why I don’t like most people.

Whew! That was quite a rant. I have felt it boiling up in me for weeks. Maybe I’ll feel better now that I’ve ‘blown’ so to speak. Maybe not.

Now that my rant is out of the way. And no, I’m not apologizing for it. It is how I feel. I don’t tell people how I REALLY feel often enough. That might change.

As for the husband. He’s still weak. Still can’t use his right hand. But, he does seem to be getting stronger. God knows he’s more stubborn. Some days are good and he can carry on conversations and stay with it. Some days not so much. Some days he’s super argumentative. Some days happy and joking around like he used to. It’s a bit of a roller coaster ride.

As for this blog. I’m continuing it. I’ll be writing more (fingers crossed). I’m not sure what I will be writing. I’m hoping more stories, more fiction, more poetry (even bad poetry) and fewer rants and raves.

I’m needing to get back to writing. It helps ground me.

I’m not trying to find the old me. She’s gone. Like the past year, gone forever. I am looking to find the new me. The one that is a bit wiser. A bit more settled. A bit happier.

I want to thank all my friends who have asked after me. Asked about the husband. And never judge.

I want to thank all the readers who no matter how erratic my posting was, read what I wrote.

I want to thank everyone who will be back again next year to help me grow into a better person, friend, and writer. It’s good to have you with me.

Happy New Year’s Everyone!

 

 

Posted in His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

Sam The Wonder Dog ~~~ An Update on the Husband

Hello Folks!

You’re probably wondering about the title of this post, eh? I know it’s kind of strange but all will become clear soon.

 

As many of you know, my husband had a stroke about three weeks ago. After battling cancer and a bad back, now this. He’s had a rough five or six years. He’s one tough man. Although I think he’s met his match this time.

The stroke left his right arm and hand almost useless. Which for him is very frustrating as it’s, of course, his prominent hand. At the best of times, this is a man with very little patience. Now, oh boy, he’s frustrated as hell.

We learned when he was in the hospital that this is actually his third stroke. He has had two prior ones we didn’t know about. This last one also occurred in the exact same some spot of the brain as the last one. I don’t know how that works on the brain with strokes but it was my understanding this one on top of the other is not that common.

Leave it to him to be different.

It’s also usual to have a stroke and then have the opposite side of your body affected. Again, the husband has to be different. The strokes all happened to his right side of the brain and affected the RIGHT side of his body. Most unusual.

I’ve noticed some changes in his personality since the stroke. I would guess this is normal. They are a bit subtle but there nonetheless. After his stroke, the doctors changed his pain meds. He was taking oxycodone. Now he’s on Hydromorphone which is derivative of morphine. It actually seems to work better for him.

When I brought him home last Friday I thought I could handle it. I figured it wasn’t going to be much different from what it normally is. I had to do pretty much everything then, I figured how much can it change? Oh, how naive I was!

I have to dress him, help him eat (usually just cut up big pieces for him) and other, personal things. I won’t go into detail. Just let’s say his personal space is no more. Sigh.

It’s damn hard. On me, mostly. Especially when he falls, which he has done three times last week. The most recent one was this morning. At 3 am, I finally broke down and called 911 as I knew there was no way I could get him up off the floor by myself. He fell outside the bathroom which is a narrow hallway. He is too weak to help much. His legs don’t want to work right and without his one hand and arm, well forget it. He wasn’t getting up.

The other times he was in the living room and I could maneuver his walker to him so between the walker and me we got him up. That was not going to work this morning.

This is where Sam, the wonder dog comes in. Now, Sam is just a little guy. Weighing in at about nine pounds, ten at the most. He sleeps with me in my bedroom, always has. My bedroom is on one end of the house. I keep my door closed as I can’t sleep if I hear the tv. Which for the husband has to be on 24/7. I also have to sleep in a cold room with a fan going.

Sam, the art of a loyal buddy (c) JLPhillips 2013

The husband has a bed in the living room. Which is right next to my bedroom. Unfortunately, I still cannot hear him if he falls. Sam lets me know when the husband falls. Which is strange because the husband has fallen before he had the stroke and Sam never let me know. But now, he wakes me up. I think he realizes it’s more important now then it was before. As before the husband could usually get back up himself and him falling happened rarely.

Even when he fell in the hallway this morning, Sam woke me up. He is my little hero. I walked out to the living room and noticed that the husband’s bed was empty. Sam took off to the hallway so I knew to follow and that’s where I found the husband. Poor man, he’s kind of banged up on this one. He has a cut over one eye and bruises.

He managed to take his walker to the bathroom but for some reason decided to try to get back to bed without it. Didn’t work well. Down he went. He doesn’t remember how long he was on the floor, just knew it had been a while.

There is, however, a tiny little ray of hope in all this. I believe I have found the main reason he has been falling. It only happens in the middle of the night. And only when he takes two sleeping pills. So……I did a little experiment this past week. For a couple of nights, I only gave him one sleeping pill. (Much to his disgust). Those nights he DIDN’T fall. He managed to get up, go the bathroom and get back to bed in one piece. Last night he insisted I give him two sleeping pills. He fell.

No more two sleeping pills a night. I even talked to the home nurse yesterday and she agreed with me, that it was possibly the sleeping pills that are making him fall. As far as I’m concerned, last night proved my theory.

My gut told me this was the case, I always listen to my gut.

So this has been our life lately.

As for me, personally. I’m tired. I’m more than tired. I’m exhausted. But, I will go on and do what I must because no one else is going to do it for me. The husband is a good man, whose had a bad run of luck on his health. I will be there for him.

That’s the least I can do.

As for Sam, he got an extra treat today. Good boy, Sam!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, nonfiction

A Passing of a Wonderful Lady ~~ Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria

I’m so sad and sorry to find out just minutes ago that our writing friend and blogger Kim Floria of Silentlyheardonce has died. I don’t know all the details as of yet but I do know she had been in the hospital for quite a while as her lung cancer came back and I believe it spread.

Kim was a great writer and an overall nice person. I feel such sadness at her passing. I called her friend as she always had something nice to say and a way of departing wisdom. If any of you fellow bloggers know if you knew her.

She will be sadly missed here in my blogging world.

RIP Kim.

 

Posted in His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

Why I’ve Been So Quiet Lately

 

Hello People. Hope your end of the week is a good one.

Why I’ve been so quiet on here lately is not good. I wish it was good news but it’s not. The husband had a stroke. Yeah, it’s been the shits. He hadn’t been feeling well since Thanksgiving (Canada’s Thanksgiving). For a few days, he was confused and disoriented. I should have taken him to the doctor then but he refused to go.

Sunday night I couldn’t rouse him from his sleep. He had been asleep all day. Not even getting up to go to the bathroom. Anyone who is in their mid-sixties knows this is not natural. We got to go pee often. One of those age things.

Anyway, he hadn’t even moved positions and I was getting concerned so I tried to wake him up…..and couldn’t. He was breathing but he wasn’t waking up entirely. I managed to get him to open his eyes a bit but he couldn’t talk when he tried to. That’s when I knew I needed to call an ambulance.

He did manage to wake up enough to realize the EMS guys were there but he wasn’t able to speak very well. So off they went and I followed a few minutes after. I was with him in the ER from about 8-8:30 pm Sunday night until they told me to go home and rest about 4 am Monday morning. He was pretty much out of it when I left. He couldn’t talk and his right arm wouldn’t move, plus, his right hand was swollen about twice its size.

I went home but I didn’t sleep. How could I? I rested as much as I could and was back to the hospital Monday morning.

I didn’t know any more than I did early that morning until I could talk to the doctor. I finally was able to after a couple of hours of watching him drift in and out of a restless sleep. They had done a CT scan of his head and lungs as he was having some difficulty breathing. They also did a whole bunch of blood work the night before.

The first day…..this is what they knew for sure……he had a bad lung infection and his kidneys weren’t working as they should. They weren’t confirming yet that he had a stroke but in my heart, I knew he did. He was put on two antibiotics and a saline drip as he was also highly dehydrated.

He was able to talk a bit better but his speech was very slow and a bit garbled. He couldn’t use his right arm or hand. The doctor said they could tell from the CT scan that he had a couple of prior strokes in the past but they couldn’t tell if he had one now. There was a couple of different tests they wanted to do. Let me tell you I was scared for him. He was in pretty bad shape.

To make a really long story short. They are now saying he DID have a stroke along with his lung infection. They were worried about his kidneys and liver as neither one was working as it should. The right hand being swollen they couldn’t really explain.

When I left him yesterday his speech was back to normal. His right hand was no longer swollen and he had mobility in his right arm. They still had him on antibiotics. Also, now his blood pressure is high and they were giving him shots to bring it down. This is a man whose blood pressure was always on the low side. Not good.

And he’s not eating. He hasn’t had anything to eat since Saturday. He took one bite of his cheese sandwich yesterday at lunch and that was it. I couldn’t get him to eat anything else. Of course, we all know what hospital food is like. His was even worse. He had a bowl of soup. It was supposed to be soup. I think. Everything he eats or drinks has to be thickened up because of his lungs. If it’s not thick it will go INTO his lungs instead of his stomach. Not good. But, omg, that was some nasty so-called food.

I felt so sorry for him.

He wants to come home. They have no date as to when he will be released. I won’t see him until tomorrow morning as I am exhausted and I have so much to catch up on here at home. He understands. I’ll take him his clothes then. I’m hoping I will know more then also. We shall see.

Anyways, that’s been my life lately. If you have any extra good thoughts to send the husbands way, please do. We will both appreciate it.

Now I am off to do laundry and dishes. Sighhhh

 

 

Posted in Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, Uncategorized

First Snow of the Season

Hello folks! I just had to show everyone the snow we are getting right now. Our first snow of the season….what the hell happened to fall?

Hope all is well where you are and may peace and love be in Las Vegas today.

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Posted in Cee's Share Your World, Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

Share Your World ~~ March 20, 2017

Last week for one reason or another I didn’t post much. Sorry about that. Life has a way of getting in the way of pleasure sometimes. I’ll have to do one of my catching up posts to update you on things in my part of the world. I have some (maybe) good news about the husband. So, stay tuned for that!

For today, I’m posting Cee’s Share Your World questions for this week. Thanks Cee for helping me with a blog post. 🙂

Today’s questions and answers are:

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? 

Some days I definitely feel my years. Others, hmm, maybe thirty, or forty? Now some of you might think…wow…that’s not that young of an age. It is when you are actually twice that. Ha! My mind is forever young, my body…not so much.

So, you’re on your way out and it’s raining. Do you know where your umbrella is or do you frantically search for it all over your apartment/house?

People actually own an umbrella? I love the rain. The feel of it on my face. I don’t really remember when I did own an umbrella. I don’t remember the last time I saw someone use one either. I don’t think they are as popular as they used to be.

Do you recharge your energy by going out with friends for a good time or by spending it with quiet time alone?

Oh, I must have my alone time. I would prefer it in the woods surrounded by nature but that’s not going to happen anytime soon. So I find it in my office or ‘writing room’ when I actually do any writing. I love the sound of silence.

Name three things you and your spouse, partner or best friend have in common.

I actually laughed at this one because I began thinking what my husband and I have in common…..and came up with nothing. Really, opposites must attract with us because we are not alike at all. So, I had to look at my bestie and me. We both have the same sense of humor (weird), we both love to write and read and we both are very honest with each other. If we don’t hear from each other in weeks, it’s ok. We communicate like time never passed. In fact we often times marvel at how similar our lives are. It helps in the understanding of each other.

 

That’s it for today, folks. Short and sweet. Hows things going with you? Let me know!

 

 

 

Posted in nonfiction, Photo Challenges, poetry, postaday, writing

How Was I Suppose to Know ~~~ A Poem

 

How Was I Suppose to Know

 

How was I suppose to know that time was not unlimited?

That the sands in my hourglass sifted through my fingers,

As I played with life, never living it as I should have.

 

How was I suppose to know that love was fleeting?

When that love was given time and again to the wrong people,

And never to be received back.

 

How was I suppose to know that looking back was a danger?

As it made me sad, depressed and ashamed in myself,

For not giving all I had to my life to save my soul.

 

How was I suppose to know that regrets are like knives in the heart?

It’s too late to make those moments count,

Not only to yourself but to others.

 

How was I suppose to know that dreams are made to happen?

Only if you keep them in sight as you walk toward them,

Not when you forget them as you drift through life.

 

How was I suppose to know that all these things would make me ponder?

So I will work towards those dreams and forget about regrets.

As I have some time left and I’m not dead yet.

 

 

 

Posted in nonfiction, Word Fun

Fun With Words ~~~ Malapropisms

 

You are probably asking….’Jackie, what the hell is a Malapropism?’

Well, I’m here to answer that burning question! Ok, I got the answer from the internet. You didn’t really think I knew this, did you? I learn then I pass that knowledge on to you.

We all know that when someone misuses a word, the result can induce hysterics unless of course, it is we who have made the blunder, in which case embarrassment it the more likely effect. When an incorrect word is used like this, a malapropism is born.

For example:

  • He had to use a fire distinguisher.
  • Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.
  • Isn’t that an expensive pendulum round that man’s neck?
  • Good punctuation means not to be late.
  • He’s a wolf in cheap clothing.
  • Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.
  • My sister has extra-century perception.

How did these mixed up sentences get to be named Malapropisms? Again, I’m here to explain.

In his 1775 Restoration comedy, The Rivals, Richard Sheridan introduced a humorous character by the name of Mrs. Malaprop. The name is derived from the French mal à propos, which means inappropriate (we also have the word malapropos in English), and describes the manner in which she used many words in her speech. The self-educated Mrs. Malaprop was always substituting a similar-sounding word for the word that she actually intended, often with the consequence of a hilariously nonsensical sentence. The name Malaprop has been immortalized in the form of the malapropism, any sentence in which one word has been used incorrectly in place of another.

 

 

They are also known as Bushisms as George W. Bush was famous for his misuse of words. In Britain they are often called Colemanballs, the name was coined by Private Eye magazine and is derived from David Coleman, a BBC sports commentator particularly prone to such slips.

Here are some more examples of malapropisms from some famous people.

  • “It is beyond my apprehension.”
       Danny Ozark, baseball team manager
  • “Listen to the blabbing brook.”
       Norm Crosby
  • “This is unparalyzed in the state’s history.”
       Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House
  • “She’s really tough; she’s remorseful.”
       David Moorcroft
  • “And then he [Mike Tyson] will have only channel vision.”
       Frank Bruno, boxer
  • “Cardial – as in cardial arrest.”
       Eve Pollard
  • “Unless somebody can pull a miracle out of the fire, Somerset are cruising into the semi-final.”
       Fred Trueman
  • “We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.”
       George W. Bush
  • “The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.”
       Richard Daley, former Chicago mayor
  • “He was a man of great statue.”
       Thomas Menino, Boston mayor
  • “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”
       Dan Quayle, Vice President
  • “Well, that was a cliff-dweller.”
       Wes Westrum, about a close baseball game

Well, I don’t know about you but I think I’ve learned enough for one day. See you next time!

 

 

*quotes used from here…..Funwithwords.com