I’m sure you know by now that today is National Dog Day. So in honor of today here is my favorite dog and best buddy……Sam the Man, Sammy, Sam, Baby Boy…etc……
I’m sure you know by now that today is National Dog Day. So in honor of today here is my favorite dog and best buddy……Sam the Man, Sammy, Sam, Baby Boy…etc……
Ah, it’s good to be back! It seems I took an unplanned mini-vacation from blogging. It’s been a couple of weeks since my last post. Seems a lot longer. Now I’m back in the saddle again. Did you miss me? No? Ah well, I missed you!
The reason for the time away from blogging was nothing serious. I was just super busy and a bit lazy. Seemed like the husband and I had something to do almost every day. The days we didn’t have appointments I spent doing nothing. Well, that’s not entirely true either. I read books, I cleaned house and I watched endless videos on YouTube. Yeah, being super lazy. No writing, not being creative, no brain cells spent.
The husband is done with chemo treatments. He is doing better. He had another colonoscopy Friday to make sure no more tumors have grown and to check on his colon operation. The only problem the doctor found was where they had patched his colon together after removing the tumor. They had to dilate that area as it had collapsed. Otherwise, he was healthy. Yay! It’s been a long year of operations and chemo treatments for him.
A person doesn’t realize how much pressure they are under until some of it is gone. I was so tired lately. Now, I’m doing better and ready to blog again. Maybe even work on my books! Look out world here I come…..again.
Some of my online friends were worried about me and I thank them for that. You know who you are. You guys are the best. You emailed me and asked how I was doing. That helps more than you know.
Last year was a pretty rough year. Between the husband’s cancer and chemo treatments to my mother dying. Yeah, rough. It’s getting better now. Good things are happening with more good things on the horizon. I just needed to catch my breath for a bit.
I will try my best to get back into my blogging schedule. Hope to see you around!
I was looking at my WordPress stats the other day. A rare occurrence for me, as I usually don’t bother with the stats page. If people read my posts that’s great, if not, that’s ok too. I’m not for everyone.
What surprised me was the one post of mine that was the most popular. It’s the open letter to my sister. I posted that letter on November 5, 2014. Since that day it has been read 7161 times. Almost three thousand more times than my second most popular post.
I was floored. Seven thousand, one hundred and sixty-one times, someone has clicked on that post to read it. You know what that tells me? A whole lot of people are wanting to re-connect with their sister. That’s kind of sad.
That one post is consistently the most viewed post…..every. single. day!
Family members are probably the hardest to deal with, especially if there is anger, resentment, misunderstanding and grudges between them. I wrote that letter two years ago because my sister and I had drifted apart. We were no longer talking and I missed her. I didn’t understand what I had done to cause the riff between us. She just refused to talk to me. Granted we were hundreds of miles apart, with her living in Wisconsin and me in Canada. Still, I missed that sisterly connection.
So I wrote her an open letter. I expressed my bewilderment and my love. Hoping, maybe, one day she’d see it and read it. I don’t know if she ever did as she is not on the internet much.
Since my mother died at the end of May this year, my sister and I have started talking again. At first, it was just about my mom, then after she died about her estate. Now, we are talking more like we used to…as sisters. I very grateful for that. It’s just such a shame that it only happened because of the death of my mom. I’ll take it and run with it as I’ve missed her.
Even if one person who looked at that post as inspiration found that connection again with their sister, well then, I’ve made a difference. It was never in my mind to help others with that post, a bit selfish I’m sure but there it is.
So if you can, if you want, keep your family close. I’m trying. Although I have to admit I can and do well without some. But that’s a whole other post. 😉
If you were on the outs with a family member, did you reconnect? Or not? Let me know if you’re comfortable doing so!
I feel melancholy today. Not quite depressed, not quite happy. An in-between place.
Melancholy. A somewhat old-fashioned word meaning ‘sad in spirit’. Yeah, that’s me. Sad in spirit.
At first, I wasn’t going to write about it. After all, I’m kind of known for my optimism, my forgiving outlook on life. That optimism is still there, just buried right now under the melancholy.
Maybe it’s the weather. Humid, warm, overcast. But, I don’t think it is the weather that’s causing this. It’s more like life is causing this feeling of heaviness in spirit. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and I feel the years settling in my bones. Knowing my time here is limited and wondering if there’s anything next.
I feel melancholy today.
I do the same things every day. I have a pattern in my life. I have a routine. I never used to. When I was younger I did things on impulse. I quickly made up my mind and just did things. If there were consequences to my decisions I paid them and went on. I was young. I was brave. I was determined.
Now I feel old. I feel tired. I feel weighted down by obligations and routines. Yet, somehow those same things make me feel…safe. Like if I stick with my routines, my patterns, I’ll be ok. I’ll be happy, I’ll be…alive.
Like cleaning the cat box, doing the dishes, feeding the animals, taking out the trash is going to keep me in a safe cocoon of happiness.
I feel melancholy today.
I’ve been thinking of a question my sister asked me last weekend. She asked, “Do you have happy memories of mom?” That question made me sit back in surprise. Then I had to think of my childhood, my teenage years, my life now. My sister waited on the other side of the phone. It was a question I never expected.
My mom and I very rarely got along. Ever. So, I had to be honest with my sister. I told her…..”No, not really and that’s sad.” I heard her sigh as she said she didn’t have many happy memories either.
My mother was a…complicated woman. She favored my brothers. Always did. We all knew that. I didn’t hold it against her. I knew who she was, I loved her anyway.
I feel melancholy today.
I don’t think my mother is the cause of my melancholy. I don’t think growing older is the cause. Maybe there is no cause. Maybe everything is the cause.
That’s the nature of the beast. Not just one thing. Everything.
I feel melancholy today.
It’s been quite a while since I wrote one of these Monday Meeting posts. So grab yourself something to drink and sit a spell.
Let me just freshen my coffee and I’ll tell you what I’ve been up to.
Ah, there we go. So, how is everyone doing? I’ve read about the terrible shooting in Orlando. So sad. I’ve read a lot of comments on posts about the shooting and let me ask you something…..has everyone gone completely crazy?? I tell you the comments are almost as bad as the shooting! People! Where has your common sense gone? Where is your compassion? Your love of other human beings? It saddened me that there were so many hateful comments. So many people took the opportunity to rant about the US government and blame Obama once more. Obama is no more to blame than I am! Come on people. One man went in there. One man made the decision to shoot those people. One man decided he was more important, more worthy, more whatever and decided to kill a bunch of strangers. One man with a gun. And his name wasn’t Obama.
Then, of course, you had comments that went off the rail about gun control. I won’t even go there. People need to wake up and smell the gun powder……but enough said on that also. My blog is not going to be the stomping ground for arguments. I won’t go there. I just feel so terribly sad for the many people affected by one man’s decision. The world is a scary, scary place where you have a place with little gun control and possibly a future president that is just as crazy and egotistical as the shooter.
I love my homeland, the USA but I’m so very sad of where it is right now and where it’s heading.
That’s about as political as I’ll ever get on here. Sorry folks. Just had to get it out there.
On to more personal news. The husband is finished with his chemo treatments. Yay!! This was his last month of them. He says he’s feeling better and his stomach seems to be doing much better. We have one more visit with the Cancer Clinic at the end of the month. Of course, he will have to have another CAT scan and colonoscopy to make sure everything is ok. They have already told us that he will have to be monitored for the next three to five years to make sure he stays cancer free. Still, it’s good to hear him say he’s feeling better.
That’s not going to help his health in other ways. He will always be disabled and in pain because of his back but at least we don’t have to worry too much about cancer now. And believe me, that was one big worry. It will also mean fewer pills for him to take, fewer doctor visits, less hospital visits. Less of a lot of things. So, it’s all good.
As for me. I seem to be in limbo. Ever since my mom died a couple of weeks ago, I feel like I’m just treading water. One good thing that has come out of it is that my sister and I are talking again. We are back to being friends……well…..back to being sisters anyway. Maybe the friend part will come later. I call her every weekend and we talk for a couple of hours. It’s nice. Especially since I was feeling a bit adrift as I used to call my mom every weekend.
Otherwise, I’ve been reading. A lot. One book after another. It’s what I seem to fall back on when I’m grieving. I remember I did it when I found out dad had died too. I just buried myself in books. Maybe I’m hiding. I don’t know. It’s my way to deal with things. I haven’t been writing. I just can’t seem to settle long enough to write. I do hope it will pass. I’m sure it will. Do you think it will?
I’ve also been cleaning house. Getting rid of stuff we don’t use. Just overall cleaning. It tires me out so I can sleep at night. It also makes me sore as hell but the place is looking good! I found out I’m not as young as I used to be. I tell you this getting older is hell. Things I used to do with ease, even ten years ago, is much harder now. I have aches where I never had them. Sigh. I hate that part of growing older. Better than the alternative, eh.
So, as with life, there have been bad things and good things going on. I’m hoping for more good for a while. I need to step back from the bad…..just for a bit longer…..and adjust.
How have you been lately?
As many of you know, my mom passed away last Wednesday. Later today is her funeral. There will be a viewing from 4 -7 pm in Wabeno, Wisconsin with a service afterward. After that, she will be cremated and her ashes scattered close to where my dad’s ashes were scattered years before.
I won’t be there in physical form, as I live in Canada now, but I most certainly will be there in spirit. I’m sure, if she can, mom knows my heart is with her. I’m also sure her services will be lovely.
Since I can’t be there to pay my respects, I thought I would dedicate this post to her. It’s not really a poem, more like free-falling thoughts.
This one’s for you, Mom. I love and miss you.
I won’t pretend that you were an angel
Now that you’re gone
You would have hated that description
I won’t pretend that you were perfect,
As we both knew you weren’t
You were happy just being you in all your
You had a fast temper and your brown eyes would snap
with fire as you told whoever displeased you to…
“knock it off!”
You could hold a grudge better than anyone I ever knew
You didn’t give an inch, as I know all too well
If you thought someone had done you wrong
there was no forgiving
You could be stubborn to a fault
But I had to admire your convictions
that utter belief in one’s self
You and I had a tumultuous relationship
all of my life
Yet I never stopped respecting you
and wanting your approval
Never thought of not loving you
As my mom
You were the strongest woman I know
You taught me to be strong
I’m grateful for that
I just wish you could have taught me
how to deal with the pain of losing you
You lived a long life of eighty-six years
I know not all of those years were good
You had to go through some tough times
Some painful experiences
In the end, though there were lots of good years
good memories, great loves
In the last few years
I believe we came to a silent agreement
to love and respect each other
despite our differences
Maybe I’m more like you than I realized
I do hope so
Wherever you are
I know you are with Dad again
and that makes the parting
a little easier to handle
Take his hand, Mom, as you did in life
and be content with the life you left behind
You will always be loved
**update** As of 5:40 pm mountain time today, Wednesday May 25, 2016 My mom passed away. Thank you for all your sympathy and well wishes for me and my family at this time. ❤ Good-bye Mom, I love you, tell Dad hi.
I’ve been pretty quiet since late last week. No posts, very little interacting on blogs. A couple of good friends know why. I emailed them over the weekend.
It’s been a tough time for me and going to be tougher the next little bit. It’s something I’ve expected the last few months, yet, now that the time is here….it’s almost unbearable. You see, my mom is dying. She has very little time left. We are talking hours here now, according to her doctors in Wisconsin.
I talked to her the day after Mother’s day and noticed she sounded very tired and wore out. Her sense of humor was still intact though as her and I laughed over something silly. The month before she had lost most of the use of her legs. They just gave out on her, so she was using a walker. We joked that her and my husband could have a walker race. She laughed and stated that she would win. That’s how she was. She accepted things and worked them to her advantage. She is the strongest person I know.
When I talked to my sister on Friday and she told me that mom was in the hospital and wasn’t expected to live much longer, my mind went to that last bit of silliness and that’s when the tears flowed. My mother loved life. She was a diminutive person with a larger than life personality. She IS…..She IS….soon to be WAS but not just yet.
Many of my readers know about my mom as I’ve written about her several times. We even gave her a great birthday last year when a lot of you sent her birthday cards. She was so happy when she got all those cards and recipes. I’m glad I was able to do that for her with your help. Thank you.
My mom would have turned eighty-seven in October of this year. That’s a long life. Her body is just worn out the doctors told my sister. After years of dialysis and various other illness’, her small frame could not handle any more.
I won’t be able to go and say good-bye to her. I don’t have the funds. I also have a sick husband to take care of. I feel slightly better knowing my mom and I discussed this very issue several months ago. She understood that I wouldn’t be able to come to her funeral when the time came. I have responsibilities here. She was good with it. It still hurts me. So much.
My sister and I have been talking on the phone every day since the initial call on Friday. If nothing else, this has brought her and I back together, at least for now. As many of you know, we hadn’t been on speaking terms for years. I don’t know why and this is not the time to ask. I’m just grateful for now.
She has all her funeral arrangements made and paid for. She did this right after Dad died. She’s going to be cremated and her ashes will be scattered close to where she scattered my Dad’s. She said she wanted to be close to him. My sister is going to scatter her ashes under the apple trees that dad planted shortly before he died. It’s also where there are rose bushes planted. She’d like that.
Her services will be at the Webber Hill funeral home in Wabeno, Wisconsin. Just like Dad’s. I know her and Dad will be happy to be together once more if that’s what happens in the afterlife. I like to think so. If anyone would like to send a card, please email me or contact me through my contact page and I will give you the address to send them to. Since my mom enjoyed all the wonderful birthday cards last year, I know she would get a kick out of these. My sister says she will set up a board at her services with all the cards tacked on.
As for the title of this post ‘She Giggled at the word Vagina’, there is a story to this. Years ago my dad or someone else (this part I’m fuzzy at) told her a joke about vaginas. She thought it was hilarious and she laughed and giggled. Anytime after that if someone just mentioned the word vagina she would throw up her hands and go “Oh! Hahahahahah.” She just thought the word itself was so funny and it never failed to make her giggle and laugh like a schoolgirl. It was fun to see and hear.
That’s what I remember the best….that laugh. That special laugh.
Hello, People! It’s been a while since I posted a Monday Meeting. I haven’t been posting much at all the last few months. I’ll tell you why later during the meeting. So, let’s begin shall we?
Grab yourself something to drink. A cold one, a hot one, a wet one or a dry one. Your choice. Maybe even a snack. After all, it’s virtual and doesn’t cost me anything. Not that I wouldn’t supply the drinks and snacks if it was real, I would. I may be poor but I’m not cheap. Anyway, I digress.
Let’s get started with news on the husband. I wish I could say I have good news. Not sure if I do. His health is not getting better. Sometimes I think it’s getting worse, or that just might be because I’m exhausted. I don’t know anymore.
He’s been having bad reactions to the chemo lately. The last couple of months he’s had to stop his chemo drugs as they were making him throw up. We talked to his cancer crew at the Cancer Clinic last month and they said to just keep trying to take the chemo. They also said that if he starts throwing up again, to stop taking them, as they didn’t want to damage his kidneys. They have him on anti-nausea pills but he still throws up. It is so hard seeing him seemingly get worse from drugs that are supposed to make him better.
I did get a chance to read his medical reports and the cancer doctor did state in them that it would surprise him if the husband would be able to tolerate the high dose he’s on. Well, guess what Doc? He can’t!
We will be talking to the cancer crew on Thursday. Hopefully, he will/can get a lower dose. If not, I think the husband will just stop the chemo altogether. He’s talked about it. Of course, he’s talked about wanting to die again too. He’s just in so much pain.
Good news front….I think it’s good news. I’m still waiting to see if it is or not. The husband got accepted to AISH…finally! After three years of trying. AISH is a government benefit program for people who are termed disabled and unable to work because of health reasons. Getting on AISH is a big deal to us, as it means a little more money every month and better medical coverage. It also could mean that the husband could get bars put in the shower to help him get in and out (we can’t afford them). He could also get other help. I’m kind of in limbo about how I feel about it all.
All the reams of paperwork I did on that for three years or more. It was a lot. Governments are the same everywhere. I think it’s just too soon to celebrate as all we have had so far is a phone call. I’m waiting for the official paperwork.
I’ve also had bad news about my mother. She was in the hospital for a few days a couple of weeks ago. She fell at home and couldn’t get back up. Her legs just failed. Thankfully she didn’t break anything but she is now having to use a walker and have someone live with her. My sister has been staying with her most of the time. I don’t know how long that will last as my sister has a family of her own. For now, my brother-in-law is holding down the fort. My mother also has ‘bleeding intestines’.
When I asked her what that meant, she said the small blood vessels in her intestines are weak and will break. The doctors told her there is nothing they can do and that for now the blood vessels stop bleeding on their own. My mother will turn 87 this year. I’m scared for her.
Gee, can things get any more bleak? I guess I shouldn’t ask that, as things always can get worse. Sigh.
I’m tired. I’m more than tired. I’m wiped. I also think the husband and I have matching ulcers. Fun times in Canada folks. I guess I shouldn’t complain, I still wake up every morning, I can still walk on my own, I can still do things for myself.
Count your blessings my friends. Count your blessings.
Because I’m so exhausted I haven’t been posting much. I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been doing a lot of things. I do what I have to and not much more. I just can’t. The grass outside is getting taller and thicker and I can’t cut it. I just can’t. So now I have to find someone who will, for free or next to nothing. The house inside looks a mess. The floors need vacuuming and scrubbing. The cobwebs from the winter need dusting and a million other things need to get done. Yet, it just sits there.
I care, yet, I don’t care. I don’t have the energy to do something about it. I’m just trying to get through the days.
Wow, this post is a bit of a downer, eh? So I better finish it. Better days are coming……..
My friend Mer over at Knocked over by a feather did this 50 list post where she posted 50 little things about herself most people wouldn’t know. I told her I was going to steal the idea. So here I am….stealing. 😉
I’m not sure what I could possibly tell you that might be interesting or that you might want to know. ha! Goodness, most of you that have been here for a while know a lot about me already but I will try to come up with something new.
Some of this might come as a surprise. I hope I have given you some new stuff about me that you didn’t know before. For some of you new people it gives you a chance to know me more than you probably wish. ha!
Maybe some of you feel inspired to do a list of your own. Let me know if you do!
Thanks Mer for the idea! ❤
Hello from sunny Alberta, Canada!
I’ve lived here in Alberta for the past fifteen years and I don’t think I have ever seen a milder winter. Hardly any snow (sorry farmers) and warm temperatures. We’ve seen it in the mid 60’s plenty of times this past month. Spring isn’t officially here until this coming weekend but I would say we have been having Spring-like weather for weeks now.
Anyway, let’s get this meeting started.
Some of you have been asking how the husband is doing. First, thank you for your thoughts and warm wishes. It is deeply appreciated. The husband seems to be doing much better. He has managed to stay out of the hospital. That’s always a good thing. He is taking better care of himself in that he is now drinking lots of water and taking things seriously. Like most men I think he thought things would just go on as ‘normal’ and he would be able to drink what he wanted. Which was NOT water.
After taking out a third of his colon the doctors tried to explain to him that he needed to do certain things. Like, drink lots of water. He thought he knew better….after all, this is how he always lived his life.
Big surprise that he was wrong! ha! He wouldn’t listen to me or the doctors but I bet he listens to his body from now on. The last stay in the hospital scared him straight, I hope. Water is so very important to your body!
He has even managed to gain a little weight. Good news there. He has some home care now also. We finally were able to get some of that because he blacked out in the bathroom last month and hurt himself. We don’t know why he blacked out but it has happened a few times before, so the doctor is concerned. We have been able to get him a bath bench for the tub and a walker. He has some mobility issues, mostly due to his back. So they gave him a walker to use.
I’m not sure how much he will use it because he refuses to use it in public. I tried to explain to him that no one cares if he is using a walker, they have their own problems and lives to live and they don’t care if one old skinny guy is walking with the help of a walker. Sometimes his pride gets in the way of good old common sense.
We’ve also had a dietician visit us this afternoon from Home Care. I personally thought it was a waste of time. I’ve talked to more dietitians in my life than I care to say. This one is not going to tell me anything different. They want the husband to gain weight. Duh! He is gaining weight. Just slowly….which to me is like losing weight. Slow is good. He eats what he wants if we can afford it. He doesn’t eat a lot in one sitting but he grazes all day and half the night. She left him some nutritional drinks like Ensure to see if he likes it. I told her straight out….it’s not an issue if he likes them or not….it’s if we can afford them.
All in all, things with him are getting better.
As for other news. Remember a few months back when I told you guys I won a dog house for Sam and a Lowes gift card of 2500.00? I think I posted that I had gotten the dog house and was still waiting for the gift card. Well, I finally got it! Yes! Twenty-five hundred big ones to spend on appliances!
I am now the proud owner of a new refrigerator, dishwasher AND stove! Lowes was having a sale the day I went out there and so I was able to get all three, have them delivered, installed and the old appliances hauled off. All for the amount of the gift card. Finally something good happening! I’m a happy camper.
One more piece of news and then you can sit and tell me all your news. My book, ‘A Case of Deceit’ will be FREE from March 18th to the 22nd! I’m having a Spring Fling sale as the Deceit book will be free and ‘The Canine Caper’ is 99 cents. So if you haven’t read my book yet…..and why haven’t you?? You can download it for free from Amazon this weekend. Just click the book pictures on my sidebar and it will take you right to Amazon! Thanks!
I’ll be posting a reminder on Thursday. If you would be so kind as to download, read and please…please leave a review! I would be in your debt. 🙂
Now, what’s going on in your world? Let me know!
Hello, People. I do hope everyone is having a good week. If you aren’t, I hope it gets better.
I saw the picture above as I was doing a bit of research for something else. As I read the question, I laughed, then got just a bit sad and I’ll tell you why.
How would you answer that question? Who knows you better? Google or your next door neighbors. My answer…..Google. Yeah, big brother Google knows me a lot more than my neighbors and that’s a bit sad and a bit scary.
Why is it sad? Because it’s come to the point people don’t trust other people. Really, think about it. When I was a kid, I remember my mom being friends with the neighbors. They’d come over for coffee, or she would go over to their homes for a few hours. They would sit and talk about families, the weather, health problems, or just plain gossip about the other neighbors. That’s how it was done. They were friends. We exchanged Christmas presents. We had them over for meals. My parents and the neighbors would go out for a few beers together at the neighborhood bar. Us kids would play with their kids. We knew each other.
Now? I nod or smile at my neighbors in passing. I don’t know their names or anything about them. And they don’t know me. Times have changed. I have. Probably, a bit of both.
That’s how it’s been most of my adult years. I don’t know my neighbors and most times I’m quite happy with that. Maybe if I would have had kids it would be/been different. I don’t know. Kids have a way of bringing people together.
Then I thought of some of the neighbors I did have. Not knowing them might have been the best thing for me. ha! I remember when my BFF and I moved into our first apartment away from home. We were young, naive and full of life. We were on our own for the first time! What a heady feeling. Our neighbor was this weird married guy. He would make sure he was outside, no matter the weather when my friend and I would come home from work. He would wave and smile and say hi. If we sat outside in the summer to get a tan, there he was sitting on his stoop next door watching us. It got so bad it was like he was stalking us, so we moved.
Then I remembered the neighbor I had when I first moved in with the ex. A kindly old man who looked after his bed-ridden wife of fifty years. I thought he was a harmless old man until one day I was home alone and went outside and the old man propositioned me over the fence. The conversation started innocently enough. We talked about his old dog, our dogs, his wife and her condition. Then he says…..’I love my wife. We’ve been married for a long time, had a few kids together and I nurse her now through her declining years. But…..a man has needs. Even an old man like me has needs and the wife can’t help me with those needs. But, maybe you can. We don’t have to let my wife know, or your man know anything. We’d just have sex on the quiet. You’d enjoy it. I may be old but I got some moves.’ Then he winked at me.
I thought he was joking and laughed it off. Until he asked me a few days later if I thought over his plan and when could we start having sex. Um, no…..that’s when I knew he meant it. It got to the point if I was home alone, I looked out the windows to make sure he wasn’t around before I went out. He never did stop asking until we moved.
I’ve had a few other strange or downright crazy neighbors, so maybe being friendly was not the way to be.
Now, Google knows me much better. I don’t even know my neighbors names and I’ve lived here for almost four years. I’m ok with that. They seem ok with that. The husband knows the two ladies across the way by name and has talked with them quite a bit. I like keeping to myself. I’m a hermit at heart.
But, Google? Google knows my name, age, address and probably my phone number. It knows where I am on the internet, whether it be twitter, Facebook or other places. It knows what illness’ I have or had as I’ve Googled them. It keeps track of EVERYTHING! Like I said….big brother. You can erase things off the internet….but it’s too late. Once you type something in…..it’s in to stay. And then you can google it.
Have you ever Googled yourself? Try it. It will scare the shit out of you to see how much Google knows about you. (*cue eerie music*)
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