If you think this post is going to be about the nightlife where I party…well you will be disappointed.
It’s about sleep or the lack of in my case. Let me set the scene for you.
The husband and I are at the age where we like our sleep at night. Because of his severe back problems we set up his bed in the living room. Yes, not the prettiest living room decor but it is what it has to be.
He loves his TV. He watches it all the time. For him, it has to be on twenty-four hours a day. Even when he sleeps.
Now me, I must have a quiet semi-dark room to sleep. I have never been able to sleep with a TV or radio on. As I grow older it gets worse. I hate noise at night except the white noise of my fan. This is the only way I can sleep.
My bedroom is right off the living room. I keep my door closed and he turns down his TV to the lowest he can have it and still hear it. Now, have I told you he is also going deaf? Yes, unfortunately, he is. He wears two hearing aids which help a lot.
Now, for the most part, the TV is not the problem. I’ve kind of gotten used to it. Although I must admit, the odd times the power goes off and the TV is quiet, I rejoice inside. Don’t tell the husband.
Ok, back to my story. The husband is on super strong pain medication and he takes sleeping pills at night. Two of them. Most times he sleeps for about an hour or two then he is up and down all night. And here lies my problem.
As he is awake off and on all night he snacks later at night. I don’t mind that, as he needs to gain weight and if he wants to eat at 1 am, who am I to tell him no? The only rule we have is no using the stove. (he sometimes forgets to turn it off. Danger!) So he raids the refrigerator and eats like a teenager. In fact, he lives sort of like a teenager. He sleeps most of the day and eats in the middle of the night, and waits for me to clean up after him.
So, what am I complaining about then, you ask? This was last night….
I’m all comfy in my bed with Sam (my dog) at my side and just drifting off to sleep when…
*crinkle, crinkle, CRINKLE!*
My eyes pop open as I wonder what the hell that noise is. I hear it again…
*crinkle, CRINKLE, CRIIINNNKLEEE*
After hearing it again I finally figure out it is the husband eating potato chips in bed and it’s the noise of the bag.
I shake my head and close my eyes and just start to go into a sweet slumber when I hear…..
*bang! rrrrrrrrrrrrr, ding, ding, ding!*
The husband running the microwave for his snacks. No problem, I hear it most nights so I close my eyes again.
*clink, clink, clink*
*clink, clink, CLINK!*
Eyes popping open, again.
*clink, CLINK, clink*
I finally figure out it’s the husband eating and is the sound of his fork hitting the plate, plus the potato chip bag. Rather damn loud too. Sighhhhh.
I swear under my breath and look at the clock, 2 am. I was asleep for all of half an hour. I’m tired so I close my eyes and snuggle down into my pillows.
Sleep, sweet sleep. Finally. My eyes pop open and I sit up in bed in a flash as I hear someone shouting…….
*BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP, WAH WAH WAH WAH WAH, BLEEP, BLEEP!!!*
I almost leaped out of my skin. It was so loud it sounded right next to me. It wasn’t. It was the TV. The husband fell asleep and turned over on the TV remote and turned it up very high. He turned it down before I went into the living room like a raging harpy and threw the remote and the TV out the door. Lucky him.
My heart slowed down and I looked at the clock and frowned, 2:34 am. I was so tired!
I get up to go to the bathroom as my bladder has decided since I was awake now anyway, why not empty it. I grumble as I do my bladder’s bidding and think if I am woken up one more time, the husband won’t need sleeping pills as I will put him to sleep myself. The hard way.
I crawl back into bed and close my eyes once more. A deep sigh escapes as I drift off into dreamland. Finally. Hopefully.
As I write this, the husband is sound asleep and I think it’s time to do some vacuuming.
(This post was done for WordPress’s Daily Prompt Later and yes, it’s all true.)
You are probably asking….’Jackie, what the hell is a Malapropism?’
Well, I’m here to answer that burning question! Ok, I got the answer from the internet. You didn’t really think I knew this, did you? I learn then I pass that knowledge on to you.
We all know that when someone misuses a word, the result can induce hysterics unless of course, it is we who have made the blunder, in which case embarrassment it the more likely effect. When an incorrect word is used like this, a malapropism is born.
How did these mixed up sentences get to be named Malapropisms? Again, I’m here to explain.
In his 1775 Restoration comedy, The Rivals, Richard Sheridan introduced a humorous character by the name of Mrs. Malaprop. The name is derived from the French mal à propos, which means inappropriate (we also have the word malapropos in English), and describes the manner in which she used many words in her speech. The self-educated Mrs. Malaprop was always substituting a similar-sounding word for the word that she actually intended, often with the consequence of a hilariously nonsensical sentence. The name Malaprop has been immortalized in the form of the malapropism, any sentence in which one word has been used incorrectly in place of another.
They are also known as Bushisms as George W. Bush was famous for his misuse of words. In Britain they are often called Colemanballs, the name was coined by Private Eye magazine and is derived from David Coleman, a BBC sports commentator particularly prone to such slips.
Here are some more examples of malapropisms from some famous people.
Well, I don’t know about you but I think I’ve learned enough for one day. See you next time!
*quotes used from here…..Funwithwords.com
Have you ever gone through your search stats? I’m sure a lot of you have. That’s the stats that show you the searches people have made that landed them on a post of yours.
Just for the heck of it today I thought I would take a peek and see how people ended up on my blog. Some of it is interesting….some bizarre. Some I sit and wonder just like Sweden did with Trump…..”What were they smokin’?”
Here are just some of what I found ~~~
Now the most searches I found had to do with an open letter I wrote to my sister. Seems a lot of people are trying to reconcile with their sisters. That is either very sad or very hopeful. If you have a sister, give her a call, write a letter, or give her a hug if you can. Wait! Do that after you read my post. ha!
Ok, here are some others I found…..
fucking brath….nine people did this search and reached my blog. WTH?? What does that even mean? Am I missing something? I don’t ever recall writing something with that in it. If anyone knows what this means let me know will ya?
rain…..Hm, I did once write a poem about rain. But, 52 people reached my blog doing this simple search. I don’t know whether to be proud or worried.
http://www.write a letter to your sister .com……Close but no cigar. My blog is registered under http://www.tobreatheistowrite.com, I did write a couple of open letters to my sister but come on….I’m not an authority on it.
good day unicorn humor….I suppose anytime you see or hear a unicorn it would be a good day. Or a bad drug day…….but some used this search term to come visit me. I have no idea why.
two cup coffee.….First of all, good grammar would dictate that it should be “two cups of coffee”, but eh, I’m easy and I do love my coffee.
an open letter to my brother to respect all the girls.….Now, this is a search I can get behind! Good for the people who are telling their brother to respect all the girls! Way to go!
silly groundhog….Yes, groundhogs can be silly but I don’t understand why you would come to my blog looking for them.
mandarin language…..It’s my understanding the Mandarin language is one, if not the hardest language to learn. Especially if you come to my blog looking for it!
how to write about a Halloween party…..I did happen to write about a Halloween party but I’m no expert at it. My advice……just sit down and write about the Halloween party that you’d love to go to. You can do it!
how to write a memo for his making sister.….Well, first I don’t think YOU can make a sister, your parents have to do that. Second, I think your parents don’t need a memo for this….but one can’t be so sure I suppose.
my mom name is……Um, I don’t know. Don’t you know your mom’s name? Hint….it isn’t mom.
how the write 17 of april 2016 in words.…..I have to admit, this one made me laugh. Ok, let’s see if I can explain this one…..You almost have it all written. You just need to make 17 = seventeenth and 2016 into either two thousand and sixteen or twenty sixteen. See how easy that was? Now all together…..Seventeenth of April, two thousand and sixteen. Easy peasy. Hope this helps. (make sure April is capitalized)
Hope you have found these as amusing as I have. See you later!
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