Posted in Humor, postaday

I’m Sore and Tired of Shoveling!!

Good day, People!

As you could probably tell by my title, I’ve been shoveling snow all weekend. Southern Alberta was hit with a snow storm this weekend. It snowed damn near for all of the last two days.

So yes, I’m sore and tired of shoveling this crap! So, I thought it would be a good day to re-post one of my funnier posts. It’s all about snow and shoveling and stuff……

 

Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8 – 6:00 PM

It started to snow.  The first snow of the season and  I took my cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.  So romantic.  I love snow!

December 9

I woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.  What a fantastic sight!  Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?  Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!  Shoveled for the first time in years and felt young again.  I did both the driveway and the sidewalks.  This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.  What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow.  Such a disappointment!  My neighbor tells me not to worry- we’ll definitely have a white Christmas.  No snow on Christmas would be awful!  Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter that I’ll never want to see snow again.  I don’t think that’s possible.  Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s my neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow!  8 inches last night.  The temperature dropped to  -20 F.  The cold makes everything sparkle so.  The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.  This is the life!  The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.  I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.  I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer and 2 extra shovels.  Stocked the freezer.  I thought about a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.  Then thought that’s silly.  We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning.  Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell.  The neighbor laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing.  Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

Electricity was off for 5 hours.  I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.  Nothing to do but stare at the wall.  Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove.   I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20

Electricity’s back on but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.  More shoveling!  Took all day.  The damn snowplow came by twice.  Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey.  I think they’re lying.  Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out.  Might have another shipment in March.  I think they’re lying.  Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.  I think he’s lying.

December 22

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August.  Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.  By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.  I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy.  I think the  *sshole is lying.

snow3

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today.  And it warmed up to 0. Thought about decorating the front of the house today.  Am I nuts?!!  Why didn’t I do it a month ago??!  

December 24

6 inches – Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.

Thought I was having a heart attack.  If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.  I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!  Tonight the family wanted me to sing Christmas carols with them and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight –

Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate

the snow!  Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.  The neighbor says I have a bad attitude. I think he’s a fricking idiot.  If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to scream.

December 26

Still snowed in.  Why the hell did I ever move here?  

December 27

Temperature dropped to – 30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20.   Still snowed in.  The neighbor is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches.  Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.  That’s the silliest thing I ever heard.  How dumb does he think I am?

snow2

December 30

Roof caved in.  I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.    Nine more inches predicted.

 

December 31

I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

 

January 8

Feel so good.  I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.  

Why am I tied to the bed?

Posted in Blogging, Comic ~ Sam and Me, Humor, Mi Vida Loca, NaBloPoMo, Nano Poblano, postaday

Finishing The Sentence

Hello People! I hope everyone is having a great day today!

I couldn’t think of anything to write about today. My mind was a complete blank. (Hush those that are laughing!) So, I did what any self-respecting blogger would do. I went looking for a prompt! I found one over at Mark’s. (Mark Bialczak) He put up a list for all us on Team Pepper last month, it’s full of different prompts. So thanks Mark! It’s just what I needed today! Whew, I sure am glad I have other bloggers to save my butt on days like this.

This is the prompt:

Finish this sentence: Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I want to ___________. Now use that sentence to start your post. Extra points if your post is more than 500 words long.

Feeling the way I did this morning, here is my story, finishing the sentence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I want to pack my bags and leave for a warmer climate! It’s been cold here in my corner of Alberta, Canada. Right now it’s -13c (9F). With the sun shining brightly. Now one would think after all my years of living here (13 now), I would be used to the cold.

Nope, I’m not. I hate it. If I remember right, it’s one of the reasons I moved from Wisconsin so many years ago. Because it was freakin‘ cold in the winter! I don’t like being cold, it makes me cranky. It makes my old bones creak, moan and hurt. But, isn’t there almost always a but? But, I love the snow. Go figure right?

I love when the first snow falls and the landscape looks picture perfect. All the dull browns of a frozen fall are covered up. Snow is so pretty when the sun shines on it and it sparkles like a giant white diamond. I even like the crunch it makes when its super cold outside.

As for the cold itself. No, I don’t like it. Why can’t I have snow in warm weather? Or better yet in the middle of summer when it’s 34C out? Now that’s the perfect time for snow! Think how refreshing it would be to jump in a big sparkly pile of snow when it’s hot out.

Sam (my dog) loves the snow too, but like me, not the cold. He loves to roll in the snow, wipe his face in the snow, plow through like a mini black and white snow plow. Now that’s cute!

Here’s Sam and me in the winter snow.

 

(c) JLPhillips 2014
(c) JLPhillips 2014

 

**click on picture to enlarge it**

 

How would you finish the sentence?

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Mi Vida Loca, NaBloPoMo, Nano Poblano, postaday

Nano Poblano Day 2 ~~~ A Snow Day!

Hello people!

Hope everyone enjoyed their weekend so far. I am on day 2 of Nano Poblano and NaBloPoMo. So glad you could join me.

I woke up this morning to snow! Lots of snow. Pictures are to follow. It started snowing last night before I went to bed after a day of dark skies. This morning there was at least 15 -20 cm of snow on the ground (6-8 inches). Our first winter storm here in my part of Alberta Canada. While it is very pretty, it’s also cold and yucky LOL.

I don’t think it will last as by Tuesday we are supposed to get up to 11c (52F). It’s also not the first snow we’ve gotten, that happened in the beginning of September, but this is the first snow that has stuck around. So, hope you enjoy the pictures and hope you all stay warm and stay safe today.

 

Outside my window last week.
Outside my window last week.

 

Another one taken last week.
Another one taken last week.

 

The above two photos were taken out my back window at home last week. I loved the contrast between the dark, cloudy sky and the golden color of the wild grass.

 

Same view this morning.
Same view this morning.

 

Yup, the same view as the top photos.
Yup, the same view as the top photos.

 

The snow pictures are of the same exact viewpoint of the first ones. Quite a difference, but still beautiful in its own cold way.

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Humor, nonfiction, postaday, strange holidays, Uncategorized, writing

My First Blizzard of the Season/More Holidays!

Good day people! Hope your Monday wasn’t too bad. Cheer up, it’s Tuesday now, Monday is history.

Yesterday we had our first official blizzard of the winter season in Southern Alberta Canada. Even my poor dog Sam didn’t go outside but twice yesterday. It snowed and we had high winds. I haven’t seen one like this in years. So of course I had to take a few pictures this morning. Brrrrr. It was damn cold out there. I didn’t drive anywhere because I wasn’t about to dig my poor minivan out of the snow. I didn’t need anything that bad today.

I even had to sweep off the snow that had blown in between the screen door and front door this morning! Now that was freaky. I wish I would have thought to take a picture of that. Alas, Sam had his legs crossed to go out so I didn’t think to take a picture of my snowy door.

So before I get to the holidays that are celebrated on December 3rd, I’ll show you a few pictures of the snow that fell yesterday. Hey, I braved the bitter cold for you, so I hope you appreciate the bad pictures. hahaha!

 

Now onto the holiday section. Every day this December I will be listing all the celebrations of the day! December seems to be especially busy with celebrations. Some are for really good causes, some are kind of strange. But every day should have a reason for being don’t you think?

So for today December 3:

Make a gift day ~~ Today is the day that you make a gift for someone. Who doesn’t like homemade gifts? It shows you care when you put time and effort into a gift. Time to show off that crafty side of you. Or that chef side as a homemade gift could be something yummy. Like homemade cookies, fudge, brownies, or even a casserole you froze to help some young parent have a day off of cooking! There are tons of things to do for gifts. So go ahead and get that glue and glitter out!

Roof Over Your Head Day ~~ Hey people I can’t make this stuff up myself! Yes, you read it right. Today is the day you celebrate ‘Roof over your head day’.  It is a day of appreciation for the things we have, starting with the roof over our heads. Personally I’m glad I have one, a roof, cause baby it’s cold out there!

Disabled Persons Awareness Day ~~ International Day of People with Disability (IDPwD) is a United Nations sanctioned day celebrated annually on December 3. The day recognizes the achievements, contributions and abilities of people with disability. Now talk about a great thing to celebrate!

Read A New Book Month ~~ Now this one I can celebrate easily! I have so many books to read right now. So let’s celebrate this one folks and the best part is it’s all month-long!

 

There you have it for today. So go out or stay in and enjoy the specialness of today! See you tomorrow!

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Humor, Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, Uncategorized, writing

Who Ordered the Snow?? I Need to Talk to You!

Hello everyone! Me here to complain about the snow! Yes, snow in the middle of April!! I don’t need this crap!

What the heck is this white stuff doing here??
What the heck is this white stuff doing here??

 

I have two weeks to finish packing up the house and to move. This is not helping me at all!

 

Almost a foot of snow!
Almost a foot of snow!

 

I‘m done bitching now, I think. Mother Nature needs to chill, and I don’t mean in snow!

 

My patio today!
My patio today!

 

Guess I’ll get back to work. Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend. If it’s warm where you are want to send some my way??? 🙂

 

 

Posted in Fiction, Humor, postaday, stories, Uncategorized, writing

Diary of a snow shoveler

Here is a cute little piece I thought I would share. Enjoy a good laugh today!  

snow

December 8 – 6:00 PM

It  started to snow.  The first snow of the season and  I took my cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.  So romantic.  I love snow!

December 9

I woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.  What a fantastic sight!  Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world?  Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!  Shoveled for the first time in years and felt young again.  I did both the driveway and the sidewalks.  This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.  What a perfect life!

 

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow.  Such a disappointment!  My neighbor tells me not to worry- we’ll definitely have a white Christmas.  No snow on Christmas would be awful!  Bob says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter that I’ll never want to see snow again.  I don’t think that’s possible.  Bob is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s my neighbor.

 

December 14

Snow, lovely snow!  8 inches last night.  The temperature dropped to  -20 F.  The cold makes everything sparkle so.  The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.  This is the life!  The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.  I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.  I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.

 

December 15

20 inches forecast.  Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer and 2 extra shovels.  Stocked the freezer.  I thought about a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.  Then thought that’s silly.  We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

 

December 16

Ice storm this morning.  Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell.  The neighbor laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing.  Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

 

Electricity was off for 5 hours.  I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.  Nothing to do but stare at the wall.  Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove.   I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

 

December 20

Electricity’s back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.  More shoveling!  Took all day.  The damn snowplow came by twice.  Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey.  I think they’re lying.  Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out.  Might have another shipment in March.  I think they’re lying.  Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.  I think he’s lying.

December 22

 

Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*t fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August.  Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.  By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.  I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy.  I think the  *sshole is lying.

snow3

 

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today.  And it warmed up to 0. Thought about decorating the front of the house today.  Am I nuts?!!  Why didn’t I do it a month ago??!  

 

December 24

6 inches – Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.

 

Thought I was having a heart attack.  If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.  I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!  Tonight the family wanted me to sing Christmas carols with them and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

 

December 25

Merry Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight –

 

Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate

 

the snow!  Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.  The neighbor  says I have a bad attitude. I think he’s a fricking idiot.  If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to scream.

 

December 26

Still snowed in.  Why the hell did I ever move here?  

December 27

 

Temperature dropped to – 30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

 

December 28

Warmed up to above -20.   Still snowed in.  The neighbor is driving me crazy!!!

 

December 29

10 more inches.  Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.  That’s the silliest thing I ever heard.  How dumb does he think I am?

snow2

December 30

 

Roof caved in.  I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.    Nine more inches predicted.

 

 

December 31

 

I set fire to what’s left of the house. No more shoveling.

 

 

January 8

 

Feel so good.  I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.  

 

Why am I tied to the bed?