Posted in Blogging, stories, Truth or Fiction, writing

Another Truth or Fiction

Hello readers. So last weeks story was all about love and flirting. I should have had that story this week for Valentine’s Day. Ah well, I don’t celebrate this particular day anyway.

It seems I had everyone but Bill fooled with this one. It was FALSE. Yup, just a figment of my imagination. Thanks to all who answered with a guess and all who visited to just read the story. All is appreciated.

Let’s move on to today’s story. Like always, you tell me if you think it’s truth or fiction.

 

Pixabay

 

 

Evil in the Water

 

Her thin pale body seemed even paler against the blue of the lake’s water. Her body floated and bobbed with each small wave. A tiny bit of humanity set against the vastness of the great lake. In the distance, she heard the grown-ups laughing and talking. It was faint with a few louder belly laughs intruding on her peace. She knew it was her uncle Ron as he was always the jolliest at these family get-togethers and she could always count on hearing his loud laughter.

Several times during summer the family would come together at the lake with a cook-out, tended by the beer drinking grown-ups with the various siblings and cousins splashing around in the lake, not far from the keen-eyed Aunts and Uncles. There would be the inevitable squabble amongst both children and adults. The family was large and loud and she hated these times of supposed camaraderie amongst them all.

She preferred solitude. Even at the tender age of eight, she would much rather be in her bedroom at home with a good book. She was a quiet and unassuming child who tried not to draw attention to herself.

Her bluish-grey eyes opened slightly to see how far she had drifted from the others. Her white blond hair fanned out in the water like a small halo. She gave a rare smile to see that she was far enough away from the others to enjoy her peace yet close enough that her father could still keep an eye on her without yelling for her to come closer. Perfect.

Closing her eyes against the glare of the midday sun she drifted a bit further and let the quiet surround her. As she daydreamed about the latest Nancy Drew novel she wasn’t aware of the danger that drew closer to her. Until it was too late.

Seconds before she was pulled under the water she felt something or someone grab her right ankle. She was pulled under so fast she didn’t have time to scream much less take a deep breath. She tried desperately to shake the hand off her ankle but it was relentless. Terrified she opened her eyes and her heart stopped for a second as she recognized the face with the evil grin as her nemesis, her tormentor, her abuser for most of her short life. The dark water distorted his face and made it even more terrifying to the small child.

If she didn’t kick free she would drown. She knew that was his intention, she knew it in her heart as her lungs screamed for air and her soul screamed for help.

Finally, with one last pull down he let go of her. Her thin arms and legs kicked at the water to reach the top. Gasping for precious air she felt another hand grab her arm to keep her from sinking once more into the cold water. Fighting against the hand whom she thought belonged to her enemy, her ears heard her older brother yelling at her to stop fighting him. She opened her eyes to see the annoyance in her brother and relaxed. That’s why her abuser let her go because he had seen the shadow of her brother above them.

Giving her a small shake her brother told her Dad wanted her to come out of the water and eat. She was never so glad to leave the water behind as instead of the peacefulness she felt earlier it just held terror for her now.

The rest of the day she refused to go back into the water and sat with the adults until it was time to leave for home. It took many years for that little girl to love the water again but she knew if she didn’t overcome her fear, her abuser would win in the end. That would never happen. Never.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, everyone. Is this one truth or fiction? Do you love water and swimming? Let me know!

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, stories, Truth or Fiction, writing

Truth or Fiction

Welcome, everyone! Last week’s story seemed to be a mind game as only one person guessed right. It was FICTION. Yeah, I wish it had been true. I’ve always wanted to stay in a big fancy haunted house but I haven’t. One person, Bill, did pick up that the main character grew up in a place that was haunted, just as I did. So good on you, Bill! Unfortunately, that was the only truth in the whole story and really, I didn’t put it there intentionally. Just seemed a good addition to the story.

Now let’s get going on the next edition of Truth or Fiction. Is it true or a figment of my imagination?

 

Pixabay

 

Giving a Helping Hand

 

Her dog Molly kept pacing the living room and whining. She shushed her once but the pacing just got more frantic. What on earth was wrong with the dog? Molly was usually such a good companion and would lay quietly at her feet but not today. She’d never get those columns of numbers added right with Molly distracting her.

“What is it, Molly? What’s wrong?”

Molly faced the front door and whined. Maybe she needed to go out? Sighing heavily, she pushed herself out of her chair and opened the front door. The sunshine blinded her for a minute and the heat of the afternoon surrounded her, making her instantly regret leaving the air conditioning behind as the door closed behind her.

She hoped Molly wouldn’t take too long to finish her personal business as she needed to get those numbers added and the account books finished for her favorite client. Accounting paid the bills and playing with numbers was always fun.

She smiled as she looked around for Molly. The countryside was brown and dry but the trees still showed a bit of green. This summer had been unduly hot and dry and the usual beauty of the surrounding fields and trees were dulled with brown grasses slowly dying of thirst. She moved to the country after her divorce. It was just her and Molly, her German Shepherd and constant companion. She enjoyed the quiet of the country after the heartbreak she endured in the city last year. Here, she was able to heal and even grow happy again. Just her and Molly.

Thinking of Molly…where was she? Looking around her ears finally picked up the sound of a cow lowing. She knew a ranch owned the fields next to her and they ran cows on them. She had to teach Molly not to be afraid of the cows when she first moved here. Now Molly usually ignored them. They weren’t fun to play with. As she scanned the field for Molly the mooing of the cow seemed more frantic. Almost painful.

Under a large tree, she spotted Molly, once again frantically pacing back and forth in front of a large mound. No, wait, it wasn’t just a mound it was a heifer. She was laying down and making those awful, pain filled mooing sounds. She called for Molly but the dog refused to leave the cow’s side. Something must be wrong, she thought. Molly was acting frantic and the sounds coming from the cow were almost sounding like screams.

Scrabbling over the wooden fence dividing her front yard from the field she ran to where Molly and cow were. What she saw made her suck in her breath and widen her eyes. The cow was laying on her side, her belly swollen huge with pregnancy. She could see the distress in the cows’ eyes as she once again let out that distressing moo/scream. Even to her untrained eye, she could see the heifer was trying to deliver her calf but something was wrong.

She needed to call someone. Who? She couldn’t just leave the poor suffering animal to die. Something was wrong with the birth and she needed help desperately. When the cow gave another loud moo and turned her head to look at her, she could see the pleading in its eyes. She needed to do something fast. The cow didn’t have time to wait for someone. She needed help now!

“Think girl, think! What should I do?”

Then she remembered an article she read a long time ago. When she was much younger she thought about becoming a vet and so she read anything she could on animal care and what should be done if a dog was having a breech birth. She was certain this is what was happening to the cow. The calf needed to be turned so it could come out the right way.

She thought, “Well, a birth is a birth, it can’t be that different from a dog could it?” 

Racing back to the house she wondered what she could use as a lubricant. She needed to stick her hand inside the cow and turn the calf. It wasn’t going to be easy but she had to try. Coming to stop inside the kitchen she frantically looked around. Butter? She didn’t have enough. Her eye fell on the brand new bottle of dishwashing liquid. That would make her hand slippery! She grabbed the bottle and a spare bath towel she had left over the kitchen chair earlier that day and sped back to the cow and Molly.

Molly hadn’t left the cow’s side. It was as if she knew what was going on and knew the cow needed her. Molly laid next to the cow and whined comfort to it.

“Good girl Molly. You keep comforting her while I see what I can do on this end.”

Taking a deep breath she quickly opened the bottle of dishwashing soap and spread a thick layer over her arms and hands. She tried to ignore the large strong hoofs and the sticky puddle of blood as she slowly shoved one hand into the cow. She could feel the calf and yes she had guessed right. It was a breech birth. The calf needed to be turned. It should come out head and front feet first and this one was turned just enough it wasn’t coming out that way.

She was going to need both hands to turn the calf. She wasn’t strong enough one-armed to do it. The cow seemed to know she was trying to help as the mooing stopped and the cow lay still, only once lifting her head to look at her. As if saying, “You can do this.”

Slipping her other arm inside she managed to find the front legs and grasp them. She didn’t need to move them far just a few inches to the side to line them up to the opening so hopefully, the mother had enough energy to push it out.

She felt the head and the front legs and gave a tug on the legs. At first, she didn’t think it was going to work, but then with one great effort, the mother cow pushed while she tugged and suddenly she had a newborn calf in her lap. She took the bath towel and wiped the gunk from the calf’s eyes, nostrils and mouth so it could breathe. Normally, the mother did this but this mother was too tired and so appreciated the help.

She didn’t know she was crying until Molly came over and first licked her tears then started to lick the calf. Those had to have been the most intense, emotional minutes of her life. She dragged the calf who was laying on the towel over to the mother’s head to show her that her baby was alive and well. The mom started licking it and making snuffling sounds.

“Come on Molly. We still need to call the rancher and let him know what happened so he can check up on mother and baby. Plus I need a shower.” 

Later that day the rancher stopped by to thank her for helping the cow and to let her know that both were healthy and fit.

“Well, Molly. A good deed was done today. Let’s just hope there will be no repeat!”

 

 

 

 

Ok, folks. Was this based on truth? Or was it a complete piece of fiction? What would you have done if you came across an animal in need like in the story?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

Life’s Little Ups and Downs

 

 

 

It’s hard to believe it’s been over a month since I posted anything. A part of me is so let down, another part just doesn’t care. I’m nothing if not honest, especially with myself. It’s not like I haven’t been around, I have. I visit some of my favorite blogs, I talk to some of my favorite people. I’m still here. I just haven’t been writing.

As for the personal side of things, well, it could be worse I guess. The husband is slowly on the mend from his stroke in late October. He’s been to so many specialists that I’ve lost count of them all. His mind is much clearer with different pain medications. So, for now, he is on the upswing. He had his 65th birthday on February 4th. Sad thing….his mother died on his birthday. She had dementia for the last few years of her life and didn’t know anyone at the end, but she was surrounded with family when she passed and I guess that’s all anyone can hope for.

The winter here has been snowy and cold and longer than usual it seems to me. Or, I’m just getting old and can’t handle it like I used to. I long for warmer weather and summer breezes. Today we’ve had freezing rain, sleet and now snow. Yeah, I’m so over winter.

To say I haven’t been writing is kind of a lie. Sorry about that. I have been writing, just not on here. I’m working on a new story and I’ve promised my best friend, Maddie that I was going to send it to her first to read and critique. I’m so rusty now that I want to make sure it’s ok before I post it here. So yes, I am writing, kind of. It’s a hit and miss kind of thing lately. Some days I write, some days I don’t.

Mostly my problem is I’m so damn tired. This time change stuff doesn’t help me either. I hate when they have daylight savings time. It messes my sleep up and I don’t need any more help with that.

I thought at one point of closing this blog down. I’ve been blogging for almost six years now and maybe I’ve run out of things to say or do on here. But, it’s obvious I haven’t shut it down. I can’t. I love the community here in blog land. I love knowing I’ve had this blog for so long. No, it’s not earth-shattering stuff on here. I’m not political.  I don’t write deep, meaningful essays. But, I love it. I love the people I’ve met. I love the challenges. So, I’m keeping it. I’m hoping to get back into blogging more often and I appreciate everyone who has stuck with me thus far.

Life might be hard sometimes, it might be damn hard a few times but it’s my life and I’ll keep going for as long as I can. I’ll keep posting things. I’ll keep appreciating all the comments and friends I’ve made here. I’ll keep living life’s little ups and downs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Humor, poetry, writing

There Once Was……..

 

 

 

 

There once was a woman who wrote……..

Stories, poems, notes…….

She wrote and wrote and had a grand time…….

 

Putting words down for others to read…..

Was a habit, no wait, a need……

Now she has stopped because life got in the way……

Too much to do and little to say…….

Then the New Year came……

And she vowed it would not stay the same…..

Making a promise to write again with renewed vigor……

Only to find herself doing nothing but spewer…….

Silly little rhymes instead of something of note…..

So, I hope you’ll excuse my false little promise……

That I made in a moment of blitheness…..

I thought life would be different……..

But Life thought me too flippant…..

All I could come up with after thinking and plotting…..

Was this silly little poem that will make you think I’m dotty…….

Because the rhyming is all wrong ……..

And it’s silliness is overlong……

But, that’s all I got on this cold winters day…..

Is a dumb little poem that won’t garner any applause……

Named so appropriately, ‘There Once Was’………

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, writing

End of the Year Rant/Talk/Catch-Up/Something or Other

Hello, People! Yes, it’s really me. Been a while I know. I haven’t posted anything since November 9th. I think in the five or so years of blogging this is the longest I’ve gone without posting a thing.

Honestly, I just didn’t have the energy or want to. I felt/feel drained. Totally used up. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

It’s been a hard year, hell, it’s been a hard couple of years. No one’s fault. Just the way life is.

I find myself moody lately, my temper easily set off. I’m not a pleasant person to be around right now. Just ask the husband. I snap at him and everyone else. I’m super sarcastic and just awful, to tell the truth. Hell, I don’t even like myself.

I’m tired of life giving me the finger. I’m tired of dealing with one crisis after another. I’m tired of NOT writing. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of having to make all the decisions and deal with the repercussions of my decisions. I’m tired of dealing with people who treat me like I’m an idiot just because I’m old, a woman, short and fat or whatever reason.

I’m tired of some people treating me and the husband like we are lepers and have something they might catch just because the husband had a stroke and lost his hearing aids and can’t hear very good. Yes, he had a stroke. Yes, he gets confused sometimes, yes he walks bent over like an old man, yes, he repeats himself……a lot. Yes, he’s sick and his next stroke might be his last. And ok, maybe you don’t like me personally. I’m fine with that. You don’t have to like me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

BUT……he’s still alive, he’s still talking, eating, walking, carrying on conversations (limited I know but still doing it). Yet he gets ignored and left alone and there is nothing I can do about it. I realize people have their own lives to live. That is no reason to forget about someone who is supposed to be a friend or relative.

I just don’t understand people. Maybe that’s why I don’t like most people.

Whew! That was quite a rant. I have felt it boiling up in me for weeks. Maybe I’ll feel better now that I’ve ‘blown’ so to speak. Maybe not.

Now that my rant is out of the way. And no, I’m not apologizing for it. It is how I feel. I don’t tell people how I REALLY feel often enough. That might change.

As for the husband. He’s still weak. Still can’t use his right hand. But, he does seem to be getting stronger. God knows he’s more stubborn. Some days are good and he can carry on conversations and stay with it. Some days not so much. Some days he’s super argumentative. Some days happy and joking around like he used to. It’s a bit of a roller coaster ride.

As for this blog. I’m continuing it. I’ll be writing more (fingers crossed). I’m not sure what I will be writing. I’m hoping more stories, more fiction, more poetry (even bad poetry) and fewer rants and raves.

I’m needing to get back to writing. It helps ground me.

I’m not trying to find the old me. She’s gone. Like the past year, gone forever. I am looking to find the new me. The one that is a bit wiser. A bit more settled. A bit happier.

I want to thank all my friends who have asked after me. Asked about the husband. And never judge.

I want to thank all the readers who no matter how erratic my posting was, read what I wrote.

I want to thank everyone who will be back again next year to help me grow into a better person, friend, and writer. It’s good to have you with me.

Happy New Year’s Everyone!

 

 

Posted in Blogging, nonfiction

A Passing of a Wonderful Lady ~~ Kimberly Wilhelmina Floria

I’m so sad and sorry to find out just minutes ago that our writing friend and blogger Kim Floria of Silentlyheardonce has died. I don’t know all the details as of yet but I do know she had been in the hospital for quite a while as her lung cancer came back and I believe it spread.

Kim was a great writer and an overall nice person. I feel such sadness at her passing. I called her friend as she always had something nice to say and a way of departing wisdom. If any of you fellow bloggers know if you knew her.

She will be sadly missed here in my blogging world.

RIP Kim.

 

Posted in Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

Questions and Answers

Good day People! Hope the week is treating you kindly.

I’ve been trying to come up with a post for a couple of days now. No luck. I could have written about a new story I have percolating in the old brain box but I think it’s a bit too soon for that. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know down the road.

Then I thought about doing a poem. Nothing would come out right. For some reason, I have to be in a certain mood to write poems. Not there.

Then I thought about doing a word fun post. Eh wasn’t interested in that either. Ever get where I’m at? Want to write a post…..can’t think of a damn thing to write about.

So I’ve come up with the good old questions and answers theme…..again. Classic.

Here we go!

directory-1699948_640

Do you know your heritage?

Yes, I do. At least as I’ve been told. It’s Native American and German. I’ve been tempted lately to get one of those DNA kits and see what it says. How about you?

What was the best compliment you ever received?

I don’t get many compliments but I would have to say the best one was when I was working. A bunch of us ladies always sat together at the same table for lunch and we would discuss everything. I never participated much as I’m not a people person. One time I did and one lady said to the group, “She doesn’t say much but when she does it’s worth listening to.” That made my day and still does when I think about it.

Do you trust anyone with your life?

I’ll have to say…..no. Not even my doctors. I check every pill she prescribes for me to see what they are for and any side effects. As for just regular folks. Um, no, not really. Hell, I don’t even trust me.

Would you lie in court for a close friend if it meant saving your friend from going to jail for life?

Depends. I know I should say sure since they are my close friend but depends on what they’ve done. If it’s murder I’d still say ‘depends’. I mean what if they killed someone who had been abusing them for years? See what I mean…..depends. I’m not like some people and say no one deserves losing their life. Yes, some do. So yes, the answer would have to be yes…..depending on the circumstances.

What question do you hate to answer?

How come you don’t have kids? That question irks me no end. Mostly because I know if I answer honestly I’ll get…..’you don’t know what you’re missing’ soon afterward. Eh, yes I do. I’m missing nothing. Not for me anyway.

What habit are you proudest of breaking?

Smoking. It was a long hard bad habit to break but I did it. Of course I tried dozens of times through the years but finally did it cold turkey almost ten years ago.

Is there something you regret NEVER doing?

I regret never riding on a motorcycle. I had a few chances but was always too afraid to do it. Of course, that’s when I was younger. Now I’m older and braver…..or more stupid. Up in the air about that one.

Who was your first love?

Oh man, that goes back a lot of years. My very first crush in school was a boy named Roy. He was blond and blue-eyed and such a sweetheart. My first serious ‘love’ was the boy across the alley from us. He was older and in the Air Force. His name was Jim, also another blond. He was tall and good-looking and more interested in my sister. ha!

If you had to describe yourself in 3 words…what would those 3 words be?

honest, smart, questioning

How would you describe your best friend in 3 words?

honest, smart, funny

If you could turn into any animal, which one would you be?

A wolf. I love wolves. They are loyal, loving, smart and beautiful creatures.

Now it’s your turn! If you had one question to ask ME, what would it be?

 

There you have it, folks. Please feel free to do your own post with the questions or answer them in the comment box. I’m always interested in learning about you!

 

 

 

 

Posted in Humor, nonfiction, Wednesday Whatever!, writing

Wednesday Whatever!

Have you ever gone through your search stats? I’m sure a lot of you have. That’s the stats that show you the searches people have made that landed them on a post of yours.

Just for the heck of it today I thought I would take a peek and see how people ended up on my blog. Some of it is interesting….some bizarre. Some I sit and wonder just like Sweden did with Trump…..”What were they smokin’?”

Here are just some of what I found ~~~

funny-1836098_640

Now the most searches I found had to do with an open letter I wrote to my sister. Seems a lot of people are trying to reconcile with their sisters. That is either very sad or very hopeful. If you have a sister, give her a call, write a letter, or give her a hug if you can. Wait! Do that after you read my post. ha!

Ok, here are some others I found…..

fucking brath….nine people did this search and reached my blog. WTH?? What does that even mean? Am I missing something? I don’t ever recall writing something with that in it. If anyone knows what this means let me know will ya?

rain…..Hm, I did once write a poem about rain. But, 52 people reached my blog doing this simple search. I don’t know whether to be proud or worried.

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http://www.write a letter to your sister .com……Close but no cigar. My blog is registered under http://www.tobreatheistowrite.com, I did write a couple of open letters to my sister but come on….I’m not an authority on it.

good day unicorn humor….I suppose anytime you see or hear a unicorn it would be a good day. Or a bad drug day…….but some used this search term to come visit me. I have no idea why.

two cup coffee.….First of all, good grammar would dictate that it should be “two cups of coffee”, but eh, I’m easy and I do love my coffee.

coffee-1918552_640-1

an open letter to my brother to respect all the girls.….Now, this is a search I can get behind! Good for the people who are telling their brother to respect all the girls! Way to go!

silly groundhog….Yes, groundhogs can be silly but I don’t understand why you would come to my blog looking for them.

mandarin language…..It’s my understanding the Mandarin language is one, if not the hardest language to learn. Especially if you come to my blog looking for it!

how to write about a Halloween party…..I did happen to write about a Halloween party but I’m no expert at it. My advice……just sit down and write about the Halloween party that you’d love to go to. You can do it!

notepad-117597_640

how to write a memo for his making sister.….Well, first I don’t think YOU can make a sister, your parents have to do that. Second, I think your parents don’t need a memo for this….but one can’t be so sure I suppose.

my mom name is……Um, I don’t know. Don’t you know your mom’s name? Hint….it isn’t mom.

how the write 17 of april 2016 in words.…..I have to admit, this one made me laugh. Ok, let’s see if I can explain this one…..You almost have it all written. You just need to make 17 = seventeenth and 2016 into either two thousand and sixteen or twenty sixteen. See how easy that was? Now all together…..Seventeenth of April, two thousand and sixteen. Easy peasy. Hope this helps. (make sure April is capitalized)

 

Hope you have found these as amusing as I have. See you later!

 

 

Posted in Blogging, nonfiction, postaday

Some Questions for You

Hello, folks.

On Tuesdays, I’ve been doing some tongue twisters. It’s fun, for a little while anyway. I was wondering if you guys have any preference in what I do on here. I know I have a couple of loyal readers who seem to read anything I post. Thank you!

But….I was wondering what readers want to see on here. More stories? More flash fiction? More personal stuff? More fun with words kind of stuff. What?

I’m more than open to ideas and suggestions. So I made a poll. I think it’s like only my second or third poll I’ve done on here and I’ve been here for almost five years now. WOW…..god that seems like a long time.

Anyway, I would appreciate it if all my readers take a second and fill out my poll. Come on….I’m not asking much….really.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for helping me out!

Love you guys!

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Thrifty Divas

Is Buying in Bulk Worth It?

My first post on The Thrifty Divas! What to buy in bulk and is it a good idea? Read it here and let me know what you think!

the thrifty divas

Is buying in bulk worth it? Simple answer…Yes and no.

Buying some things in bulk is well worth it. Some other things not so much. As to what to buy, well, meat is good to buy in bulk. Especially since that’s one of the biggest costs in a family’s food budget.

Can stuff is great to buy in bulk. I have two big shelves in my mud room full of can foods. From soups to vegetables, I have them.

I realize better than most that buying ‘extra’ food is hard for lots of people. The budget will only stretch so far. I know. I get that. BUT……if you figure in your budget to buy extra once a shopping trip, you’ll have that pantry filled up in no time with extras.

And it won’t break the budget to do so.

foodsaver-video-placement

Also, if you can, invest in a machine that lets you wrap that…

View original post 879 more words

Posted in Blogging, Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, postaday, Stories of my life, Wednesday Whatever!

Wednesday Whatever!

Wednesday

 

 

This week  has been a week of reflection. Today is only Wednesday so I imagine the rest of the week will be much the same.

I know I haven’t posted much this month. I took an unplanned month off of writing, of posting, of doing much of anything, really. I can’t even blame it on an active social life, as I don’t have one. All my friends are online. I don’t have anyone here that I go out for coffee with, that I go shopping with, that I just hang with. I hang with my computer, my dog Sam and sometimes the husband.

Don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t feel as if I’m missing out. At one time I had all those things. Good friends that I had coffee with, shopped with, or just hung out with. So I know what it’s like to have all that. It might seem strange to you that I much prefer how I am now. Today. Right this minute. On my computer typing out words that my friends will read.

Do I ever get lonely? You might ask that. The short answer…No. No, I very rarely get lonely. I enjoy my solitary lifestyle. It’s not for everyone. The husband hates being alone. In fact, he gets depressed if he’s alone for too long. He enjoys people. Being with people, talking, joking, laughing, drinking, whatever he and his friends do together. He enjoys that interaction and he misses it when he doesn’t get it. He is the type of person who needs other people around, he thrives on it. Unfortunately, since he got so sick and can’t do much physically his ‘friends’ have faded into the background.

This hurts him. He doesn’t understand it.

I do. Sort of.

The past year or so has been rough. Hell, the past four years have been rough. I don’t feel sorry for myself. It has shown me just how strong I can be. That’s always a good thing.

When my mom died at the end of May it hit hard. Not because my mom and I were best friends or that we had a tight bond. We weren’t and we didn’t. My mom and I had a rocky relationship since the day I was born. That’s ok. She taught me how to be strong and how to be my own woman. I guess you could say she taught me the true meaning of ‘tough love’. It was tough to love her. But I did. I just didn’t always like her. Or her me.

A few people know I have written my autobiography. I haven’t published it. I wouldn’t publish it while my mother was still alive. Now that she’s gone? I probably still won’t publish it. Not yet. Maybe never. It’s not pretty. I’m not even sure if it would have a happy ending. Because my life is still ongoing. For now.

The writings have a lot of my mom in them. She was never the hug you, compliment you, tell you she loves you type of mother. I never heard those words from her. “I love you.” Never. Not once. My sister and I had a conversation the other week and we discussed our mother and never hearing those words from her. It bothers my sister. It doesn’t bother me. Why? Because I accept that was the kind of woman my mother was. My sister has a harder time accepting that. That’s her right. I don’t try to persuade her otherwise.

The only time I heard my mother say, “I’m sorry” was for something she never did. Which seems strange, as she did plenty. Yet, the only time I heard her apologize to me was for something that was never in her control. My sexual abuse. She never even knew about it until I was an adult. Then she had to ask me outright if I was abused by the person who abused me for years. I told her the truth. That I was. She cried and kept telling me she was sorry.

I told her she had nothing to be sorry for in that instance. It wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t tell her when I was a child and it was happening. And later. Well, what was the point of hurting her so much? So I said nothing. Until she asked me.

My mother was who she was. I am who I am. So we never mentioned it again.

So many memories surfaced when my mother died. Then I received a box from my sister this week. It was filled with memories. With pictures and items from my mother’s house. I looked at all those pictures. Some of so very long ago. Of me. My mother. My dad. And I became reflective.

I called my sister and thanked her for the pictures. As I didn’t have any before that. Not a one. The reason why is another long story I might tell some day. Again. As it’s already a part of my autobiography.  And again, it’s a story of me and my mother.

So, I guess, in a long about way, I’m saying why I took an unplanned month off from blogging. Life’s memories got in the way. Mix that in with just being tired to the bone and you have the recipe for doing nothing. Or almost nothing. For a month.

I’m catching my breath back again. With the help of my friends. Here. Now. You. I will be ok.

Thank you.

 

Posted in Blogging, nonfiction, postaday, Thrifty Divas

Welcome to the Thrifty Divas!

Hello people! Come over and visit my new blog that I have started with my friend Mer! We are the ‘Thrifty Divas’!! Come and say hi and give us a follow if you want to learn how we live well on very little. 🙂 Or just come over and give us a wave!

the thrifty divas

tdg1

Hi! This is a new blog dedicated to living thrifty.

We’d like to introduce ourselves.

Jackie P:

Hello people! My name is Jackie P and I’m poor. I was born poor and I’m still poor. So I like to think of myself as an expert in living nicely on little. It can be done.
My friend Mer and I have talked a long time about doing a blog about how to live well while being short of money. Now it’s becoming a reality.
I’ve learned how to budget. I am the budgeting queen! I have had many years on which to learn. It’s not so bad. I mean sure, I would love to have unlimited funds. Who wouldn’t? Unless I win the lottery that just is NOT going to happen.
So I deal with it. And so can you!
When I was a kid I knew we were poor but I…

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