Blogging

One Step Forward, Two Back

JackieP

Another month and a half since my last post. How time flies when you are in pain. Or doesn’t fly? Or stands still? Hell, all I know is pain lately so I’m not sure anymore.

My legs seem to get a bit better then something happens and it gets worse. Right now they are at the ‘worst’ part. I’m posting a couple of pictures of how they are right now, well as of a couple of weeks ago. It’s not for the squeamish. They aren’t as bad as they could be I suppose but still, you’ll get the drift of what I’m dealing with.

The stronger pain medicine is good though. Thank goodness I have that. There have been times when even that wasn’t enough.

I stated on this blog from the beginning I wasn’t going to sugarcoat anything. I was going to be honest on here with the good and the bad. Cancer is a soul-sucking vampire and it takes a lot some days to keep fighting. What makes me keep going is that I’m stubborn and it just isn’t in my nature to give up. Also, if it wasn’t for the side effects of the treatments I wouldn’t feel too bad! Yeah, I’m weaker and I have a few issues with breathing and the odd pain now and then, but if it wasn’t for the side effects I’d have a pretty good quality of life right now.

That’s what I’m fighting for, that quality of life. I want to live what time I have left relatively pain-free and able to do some things. Pain is debilitating. I’m so over it!

Let me give you a brief run down of my last month and a half…..

I did go to Calgary to see the dermatologist. It was pretty much a waste (which I was afraid it would be) as she wasn’t much help. All she suggested was pressure dressing for my legs which home care had discussed with me earlier. Otherwise, she could see no signs of infection or anything else going on.

For the next few weeks I kind of just drifted. Home care comes every day and changes the dressing. We tried pressure dressing of one kind called Coban but that shit is expensive according to them and since it’s made to stay on the legs for at least a week before changing it was not a good call for me as my legs are still draining so they have to change the dressing every day. So they changed to something else that seems to be working well so far.

The setbacks I’ve had is because of human error. One home care nurse set me back really far. How you ask? Well, she didn’t soak the dressing (with saline water) enough before taking it off me so new skin was ripped off some of my wounds. When I say that hurt, let me tell you that hurt!! I literally screamed! THEN, she didn’t cover the wounds with this treated mesh-type stuff that helps keep the wounds from sticking! I told her it needed to be covered but she said she didn’t have anything to cover it with because she was out of that stuff. It had it on it before but she had ripped it off with the bandages so it needed to be recovered before she put the bandages on.

I told her again she needed to cover them with something and she stated again she had nothing. So she didn’t. The next day the wounds of course stuck and were re-opened a second time! I just cried…….

I learned my lesson that weekend. Now I take my dressing off. I make sure all the wounds are covered the right way. I have to admit when the ‘bosses’ found out what happened and saw my legs they were pissed for my sake. I imagine someone got a talking to and I very much doubt I will see the particular nurse again.

In the meantime, I am stuck with super SUPER sore legs and a setback in healing. I’m not a happy camper.

On other things, I’ve got another CT scan scheduled for February and a visit to my cancer doctor scheduled. It will be interesting to see how the doctor’s visit goes. I’ll let you know. As for the CT scan, I’m hoping the cancer is still stable. Wish me luck!

Yeah, I’ve had some setbacks but I keep moving forward because that’s just how I roll……..

photo by JPhillips
photo by JPhillips

16 thoughts on “One Step Forward, Two Back”

  1. Omg Jack. You are a friggin trooper girl! Sadly, in this country we have to be our own best advocates. I know well how many things I questioned some with my husband. God willing you keep the strength to keep in charge of yourself and don’t be afraid to keep speaking up! You are always in my prayers and you are amazing. I am praying for a good result for you in Feb. Do keep us posted. Hugs my friend. ❤ xx

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m learning really fast to speak up and out about stuff. Yeah, I was an advocate for my hubby too. It was a bit surprising at first I had a hard time doing for myself what I did easily for him. Thanks, Deb. Hugs right back at ya. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh Miss Jackie! 😥 How come we can advocate like a maniac for others but have a hard time doing it foe ourselves???? Lady-cakes…..I 100% wish I was in the vicinity!!!! I’d be over helping….Ugh!!! I know you have strength…..Sending big vibes for healing and manifesting you more strength love!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, my dear friend! I know you would be over if you could! We are the ‘helpers’, we help others but we forget about ourselves most times. But I’m learning to use my voice. lol I may scream a bit or cry but damn I’m using my voice! Big hugs! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. That just breaks my heart, Jackie. I’m surprised you didn’t have someone’s head on a platter over that. There is no excuse for it. I haven’t written a post in a month either. Just can’t quite get there and I’m in way better shape than you are at this moment. Just struggling for each breath. Way easier than what you are going through. Sending love in buckets. Stand on them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes it’s just hard to sit down and write, Marlene. I know that well. It’s hard to concentrate on it. I don’t ever advocate violence but man the strength I had to use not to slap her was mighty. LOL (I wouldn’t of course but damn!) Sending love right back to you! Take care of yourself. Take a few of those buckets to stand on for yourself. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You poor dear. The looks rough, and I’m glad you are figuring out how to prevent the worst of other people’s foolishness. I had a much milder case of flesh-ripping-off-legs due to injuries and unwise treatment with stuff that stuck years ago, and it is not for the fainthearted–best wishes for it all

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jackie! I’m so sorry you are going through this. 😦 I say it all the time, but you are the strongest woman I know. I love that you are kicking and screaming … and fighting … all the way through this. We’ll keep praying that your legs heal and you continue to be stable.

    Rich is having his chemo three-weeks on/one week off. He just started his second three-week round. The biggest side effect are sores! And now the soles of his feet and his hands are tender and beet red. You’re right … cancer is a soul-sucking vampire. 😦

    I owe you an email. I’ll be in touch soon! Love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maddie!!! Thank you! It’s not so much being strong, it’s doing what needs to be done or giving up. I’m not ready to give up. lol So sorry Rich is going through what he is. Sending love and good vibes!

      Like

  7. Oh honey… It just never ceases to amaze me that some people can be in the health care field and clearly have so little empathy for the pain and suffering of other people. My heart is breaking for you that you had to endure extra entirely unnecessary pain because of that person. Sending lots of gentle love and hugs your way.

    Like

Comments are closed.