Posted in Blogging, His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction

Life’s Little Ups and Downs

 

 

 

It’s hard to believe it’s been over a month since I posted anything. A part of me is so let down, another part just doesn’t care. I’m nothing if not honest, especially with myself. It’s not like I haven’t been around, I have. I visit some of my favorite blogs, I talk to some of my favorite people. I’m still here. I just haven’t been writing.

As for the personal side of things, well, it could be worse I guess. The husband is slowly on the mend from his stroke in late October. He’s been to so many specialists that I’ve lost count of them all. His mind is much clearer with different pain medications. So, for now, he is on the upswing. He had his 65th birthday on February 4th. Sad thing….his mother died on his birthday. She had dementia for the last few years of her life and didn’t know anyone at the end, but she was surrounded with family when she passed and I guess that’s all anyone can hope for.

The winter here has been snowy and cold and longer than usual it seems to me. Or, I’m just getting old and can’t handle it like I used to. I long for warmer weather and summer breezes. Today we’ve had freezing rain, sleet and now snow. Yeah, I’m so over winter.

To say I haven’t been writing is kind of a lie. Sorry about that. I have been writing, just not on here. I’m working on a new story and I’ve promised my best friend, Maddie that I was going to send it to her first to read and critique. I’m so rusty now that I want to make sure it’s ok before I post it here. So yes, I am writing, kind of. It’s a hit and miss kind of thing lately. Some days I write, some days I don’t.

Mostly my problem is I’m so damn tired. This time change stuff doesn’t help me either. I hate when they have daylight savings time. It messes my sleep up and I don’t need any more help with that.

I thought at one point of closing this blog down. I’ve been blogging for almost six years now and maybe I’ve run out of things to say or do on here. But, it’s obvious I haven’t shut it down. I can’t. I love the community here in blog land. I love knowing I’ve had this blog for so long. No, it’s not earth-shattering stuff on here. I’m not political.  I don’t write deep, meaningful essays. But, I love it. I love the people I’ve met. I love the challenges. So, I’m keeping it. I’m hoping to get back into blogging more often and I appreciate everyone who has stuck with me thus far.

Life might be hard sometimes, it might be damn hard a few times but it’s my life and I’ll keep going for as long as I can. I’ll keep posting things. I’ll keep appreciating all the comments and friends I’ve made here. I’ll keep living life’s little ups and downs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in poetry

Another Poem

 

 

 

Another Day

 

My eyes slowly open in the early morning light

I made it through another night

Another night of broken dreams

slivers of color like a kaleidoscope scheme

Breathing lightly, my mind wanders back in time

when life seemed easier to climb

My body finally awakens, with all the familiar pains

yeah, I’m alive because in death I’d feel nothin’

I slowly sit up and swing my legs to the side

my feet touch the floor and I slowly rise

My dry tongue cries for coffee as I reach to open my door

a small voice in my mind asks a question as I stand rooted to the floor

‘Will today bring more drama and stress?’

I sure could live with a lot less

I slowly open the door and step into the next room

whatever today brings I will deal with I assume

As I’m not ready for the alternative just yet

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, Humor, poetry, writing

There Once Was……..

 

 

 

 

There once was a woman who wrote……..

Stories, poems, notes…….

She wrote and wrote and had a grand time…….

 

Putting words down for others to read…..

Was a habit, no wait, a need……

Now she has stopped because life got in the way……

Too much to do and little to say…….

Then the New Year came……

And she vowed it would not stay the same…..

Making a promise to write again with renewed vigor……

Only to find herself doing nothing but spewer…….

Silly little rhymes instead of something of note…..

So, I hope you’ll excuse my false little promise……

That I made in a moment of blitheness…..

I thought life would be different……..

But Life thought me too flippant…..

All I could come up with after thinking and plotting…..

Was this silly little poem that will make you think I’m dotty…….

Because the rhyming is all wrong ……..

And it’s silliness is overlong……

But, that’s all I got on this cold winters day…..

Is a dumb little poem that won’t garner any applause……

Named so appropriately, ‘There Once Was’………

 

 

 

Posted in Blogging, His Days (about the husband), Mi Vida Loca, nonfiction, writing

End of the Year Rant/Talk/Catch-Up/Something or Other

Hello, People! Yes, it’s really me. Been a while I know. I haven’t posted anything since November 9th. I think in the five or so years of blogging this is the longest I’ve gone without posting a thing.

Honestly, I just didn’t have the energy or want to. I felt/feel drained. Totally used up. It’s not a pleasant feeling.

It’s been a hard year, hell, it’s been a hard couple of years. No one’s fault. Just the way life is.

I find myself moody lately, my temper easily set off. I’m not a pleasant person to be around right now. Just ask the husband. I snap at him and everyone else. I’m super sarcastic and just awful, to tell the truth. Hell, I don’t even like myself.

I’m tired of life giving me the finger. I’m tired of dealing with one crisis after another. I’m tired of NOT writing. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of having to make all the decisions and deal with the repercussions of my decisions. I’m tired of dealing with people who treat me like I’m an idiot just because I’m old, a woman, short and fat or whatever reason.

I’m tired of some people treating me and the husband like we are lepers and have something they might catch just because the husband had a stroke and lost his hearing aids and can’t hear very good. Yes, he had a stroke. Yes, he gets confused sometimes, yes he walks bent over like an old man, yes, he repeats himself……a lot. Yes, he’s sick and his next stroke might be his last. And ok, maybe you don’t like me personally. I’m fine with that. You don’t have to like me. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.

BUT……he’s still alive, he’s still talking, eating, walking, carrying on conversations (limited I know but still doing it). Yet he gets ignored and left alone and there is nothing I can do about it. I realize people have their own lives to live. That is no reason to forget about someone who is supposed to be a friend or relative.

I just don’t understand people. Maybe that’s why I don’t like most people.

Whew! That was quite a rant. I have felt it boiling up in me for weeks. Maybe I’ll feel better now that I’ve ‘blown’ so to speak. Maybe not.

Now that my rant is out of the way. And no, I’m not apologizing for it. It is how I feel. I don’t tell people how I REALLY feel often enough. That might change.

As for the husband. He’s still weak. Still can’t use his right hand. But, he does seem to be getting stronger. God knows he’s more stubborn. Some days are good and he can carry on conversations and stay with it. Some days not so much. Some days he’s super argumentative. Some days happy and joking around like he used to. It’s a bit of a roller coaster ride.

As for this blog. I’m continuing it. I’ll be writing more (fingers crossed). I’m not sure what I will be writing. I’m hoping more stories, more fiction, more poetry (even bad poetry) and fewer rants and raves.

I’m needing to get back to writing. It helps ground me.

I’m not trying to find the old me. She’s gone. Like the past year, gone forever. I am looking to find the new me. The one that is a bit wiser. A bit more settled. A bit happier.

I want to thank all my friends who have asked after me. Asked about the husband. And never judge.

I want to thank all the readers who no matter how erratic my posting was, read what I wrote.

I want to thank everyone who will be back again next year to help me grow into a better person, friend, and writer. It’s good to have you with me.

Happy New Year’s Everyone!

 

 

Posted in Cee's Share Your World, Mi Vida Loca, questions and answers

Share Your World ~~~ August 7, 2017

When did Wednesday turn into Monday? When I’m doing Cee’s Share Your World, apparently. Time does seem to get away from me and I’m not sure why.

So, here is this week’s questions and answers! Enjoy!

 

What was the last URL that you bookmarked or saved?

The Canadian government’s website. Yeah, I have to fill out some paperwork before the husband turns 65 in February. So, I was looking to see what I would need. Exciting stuff, eh?

Do you believe in the afterlife?  Reincarnation?

Yes, I do. I always have. My thinking is this can’t be it. We can’t be given just one lifetime to get things right. In this whole infinite universe, we can’t be limited to just a one time shot.  This belief has been strengthened by meeting a few people who I swear I have known before. I’ve had one or two people swear they have known me before too. So, yeah, I truly believe in reincarnation.

If you were or are a writer do you prefer writing short stories, poems or novels?

I like to think of myself as a writer. As for preference, I will have to go with short stories. I enjoy writing in a more concise way than novel-writing gives you. Although, I love the challenge of novel-writing. I have written poems but no way would I consider myself a poet.

What inspired you this past week?  Feel free to use a quote, a photo, a story, or even a combination. 

My husband and friends. They inspire me every day. My husband because even though he is in constant severe pain he keeps going every day. Some days slower but he keeps trying. I also have a friend that has fibro and she is one tough cookie. She fights it every day. She gets up and moves even though it hurts like hell. She is going through something right now personally that is devastating and she still manages to keep going. I also have another good friend who just lost her father and her husband within a week of each other. Yet, she still manages to be the sweet and loving person she always is despite her great grief.

So, yeah, when I bitch about aches and pains of old age, I think about these strong people in my life who are going through so much more right now and it humbles me.

I’m so honored to be their friends. I love you guys.

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blog challenge, Fiction, Flash Fiction, writing

A Challenge Accepted!

Two posts in one day for me! Wow, I must be in the zone. LOL

Frank over at A Frank Angle has issued a challenge to write a flash fiction piece on the picture below. It has to be 150 words or less. It’s been a while since I did a challenge like this, so I’m kind of rusty. Hope you all enjoy it and zip on over to Franks to read all the other great writings, including Franks!

 

Footprints in the Sand

 

He was told that he would be alone at this outpost. Then why is he seeing footprints that aren’t his?

Looking around he didn’t see anything for miles. Just sand. Lots of sand.

He radioed back to headquarters about the footprints and waited. No one did anything on their own. If it wasn’t an approved activity dire consequences would occur. He knew that. He’s seen it in action. He didn’t want to be the next person it happened to.

So, he waited.

When he didn’t hear back from headquarters the next morning he did his usual walk around the area. It was protocol. You didn’t go against protocol.

He saw new footprints. With strange holes next to them. Whoever it was, it was barefoot and fairly small. He couldn’t figure out the holes. A stick? Where would they get a stick in this godforsaken wasteland?

Hearing a sound behind him he spun around and gasped. A small woman holding an antique firearm was standing there. She was pointing it at his chest.

 

 

 

That’s where my imagination took me. Hope you enjoyed it and will go visit Franks blog to read more. 

 

 

 

Posted in Cee's Share Your World, Mi Vida Loca, questions and answers

Share Your World ~~~ July 10, 2017

Good day, People! Hope everyone is safe and sound today and having a great time!

Let’s get started on this week’s questions and answers from Cee’s Share Your World.

How do you like to spend a rainy day?

Mostly how I spend every other day. On my computer. Either writing (or trying to), playing games or reading. One day is much like another around here, rain or shine.

Sometimes, when I had a covered porch I would sit outside and listen to it rain. I love the rain. I wish I had a covered porch once more.

List at least five favorite treats. (They do not have to be sugary).

Peanuts, pears, anything with lemon in it, asparagus (they are a bit expensive around here), popcorn (unsalted), most berries. If I’m really bad I love peanut M & M’s.

 

Where’s your favorite place to take out-of-town guests?

It’s been close to 12 years since I’ve had out-of-town guests. That’s when my mom and sister gave me a surprise visit from Wisconsin. They stayed with me for about a week and we took them to Banff (a town in Alberta) and the Rocky Mountains. It’s beautiful up there no matter what time of year. We took them to several local touristy type places too. They seemed to enjoy themselves.

You are trapped in an elevator, who would you want to be trapped with?

Cee gave the best answer…..the person who could fix the elevator from inside. LOL

If I couldn’t luck out and have them, I wouldn’t mind being stuck in an elevator with Neil Gaiman or JD Robb (Nora Roberts) so I could talk books, poetry, and just everyday things. I think both are interesting people without the glamor and drama of other high-profile people.

Or, anyone who wouldn’t go hysterical and I could have a decent conversation with while we wait for that person to fix the elevator.

 

There you are, folks! Hope you enjoyed and if you want to join us, just click the link above and it will take you to Cee’s where you can join in on the fun.

 

 

Posted in Cee's Share Your World, Mi Vida Loca, questions and answers

Share Your World ~~~ June 26, 2017

It’s Tuesday here so it must mean it’s time for Monday’s Cee’s Share your world! A bit twisted I know but that’s me!

Here we go:

What goal are you working on now? Your goal can be something fun or extremely serious.  Have fun with this question.

I always have several goals going on at any given time. Nothing like spreading myself out. First, to get healthy, which seems to be a lot of people’s goals. Second to finish writing my two or three books I have in various stages of completion. Then going on to write several more. Then there is my goal to become filthy rich. Yeah, I’m always working on that one but seem to keep getting further behind with it. Of course, that would mean I need to be ambitious and driving in my goal to become filthy rich. Eh, maybe tomorrow.

What is one thing you’re glad you tried but would never do again?

After my first divorce, I would have said marriage. Yet, here I am, married again. Will I never learn?

I tried flying a kite once because several people have told me to “go fly a kite”. It got stuck in a tree. So, I never tried again.

I tried perming my hair once when I was a kid. Disaster! Never tried that again.

I even tried decaffeinated coffee once on my doctor’s advice. Oh. My. God. Never again! Talk about nasty!

Did you choose your profession or did it choose you?

Well, it depends on your definition of ‘profession’. If it means I’m a Jack of all trades and master of none, then yup that’s what I chose! I never had the same job twice. I’ve been many things in my life, secretary (as Cee would say, “for people old enough to remember what that was”, Antique restorer and dealer, carpet cleaner, Personal Assistant (a glorified secretary really), retail clerk, casino worker, personal aide. Just to name a few that I remember. I like variety.

Have you ever gotten lost?

I don’t get lost! I have mini adventures. LOL

So in short, yes, I’ve gotten lost. I’m terrible with directions. One time I got lost between Fort Worth and Dallas. Now everyone knows Fort Worth-Dallas area is huge. I mean it’s traffic is horrendous. I got so lost I almost ended up in Oklahoma……running out of gas…..with no money. Yeah, that was NOT a fun time. I did manage to get back to where I needed to be but with a raging headache and a vow never to drive in Dallas alone again.

 

 

Posted in Cee's Share Your World, Mi Vida Loca

Share Your World ~~~ May 15, 2017

It must be Monday, so time for Cee’s Share Your World.

I’ve been terrible in writing posts lately and I apologize for that. In between feeling sick most of the past few months and having a terrible case of ‘blank page syndrome’ with my writing I’ve felt I’ve really let my readers down. Hell, I’ve let ME down.

I’m trying to get back into flash fiction and writing my books but it’s been a struggle to concentrate.

If I can ever figure out what my stomach problems are maybe it can be fixed. I’m trying….that’s all I can say. Hope you guys stick with me.

Now, enough of the maudlin crap. Here are this week’s questions.

 

 

How many languages do you speak?

Two if you count sarcasm as a language, which I do, by the way. Otherwise, just good old English. I took Spanish, French and German in school but I never was very good at them. I think it’s because my teachers didn’t make it interesting enough. I mean, let’s learn how to talk the language, not just put a sentence together. Maybe it’s the way I learn things. By actual doing. I would have learned the languages better if we would have had conversations with them. Or maybe I just don’t have the knack for picking up languages. I dunno.

What are you reading, watching, listening to, eating?

I haven’t been doing a lot of reading. Mostly blogs if I do. I have tons of books to read but again, that concentration issue is not letting me enjoy reading. As for watching, I hate to admit this, but I got hooked on Netflix a few months ago. I watch it on my computer. I’m really into the English crime shows. I finished 19 seasons of Midsomer Murders and a few seasons of Father Brown (just waiting for the next seasons to get on Canada Netflix). Now, for some strange reason, I started watching iZombie.  I’m almost through season one. Please don’t judge me. I actually like the show.

As for eating. Not a whole lot. Because you know, stomach problems. I have had to cut out anything with milk, cheese, beans, spicy, tomatoes and tomato sauce and some vegetables because they make my stomach worse. My doctor says I have developed ‘food sensitivities’ because of my diabetes. I think I’ve developed IBS but eh, either way, it sucks. I’ve been living on chicken and bland ass food. I hate it. But I hate the fiery, crampy, volcanic stomach more.

What was the last photo you took with your phone?

I finally was forced by my telephone company to get a smartphone. I had an old flip phone for a lot of years. We use it for emergencies only. We’re old. We take it in the car with us in winter in case something happens. I make the husband carry it if he goes somewhere, in case. We use it rarely. Anyway, I got a great deal from the phone company because they were forcing me to upgrade my cell phone. I played with it when I first got it last year and took photos of Sam and the cats. Then I turned it off and put it away. Soooo, the answer is Sam and the cats.

What is your favorite time of day?

First thing in the morning after I get up. I’m always the first one up and I love the quiet. The TV that the husband insists on being on 24/7 is in stealth mode because he is sleeping and hasn’t watched it in more than 4 hours. So the house is quiet for a change. I make my first cup of coffee and sit in front of my computer and just listen to the silence for a while. Ahhhh, my kind of peace.

 

 

Hope everyone is having a good day. If not…tomorrow is the start of another chance to change things. 

If you feel like joining Cee and me in our questions and answers, please do! I love hearing from you all. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Cee's Share Your World, Mi Vida Loca

Share Your World ~~~ May 8, 2017

Hello, People!

I do hope your weekend was a good one. As for me, well, I’ve been sick on and off for the past few weeks. Stomach problems. You can usually tell when I’m not feeling well because I post less and less on my blog.

When I don’t feel well physically it does something to my brain as well. I can’t concentrate to write. Hopefully, this ailment won’t last long. I don’t make a good patient, even for myself. The doctor prescribed some pills for me and sometimes they even work but not always. I find I can eat very little and what I do eat makes my stomach upset. It’s very frustrating.

Anyway, I’ve changed my diet all around and I shall see if that works to settle my stomach. If not. Back to the doctors. Maybe. I’m beginning to have very little faith in doctors lately. They just want to push pills to cover the symptoms but not to find the root cause of the problem. Ugh. I’ll get it figured out eventually.

I would say ‘enough about me’ but this post is all about me! Ha! Let’s get to answering Cee’s Share Your World questions for this week, shall we?

 

When you’re alone at home, do you wear shoes, socks, slippers, or go barefoot?

I wear slippers. Even if I’m not alone at home. 😉 I almost never wear socks. I don’t like them. Shoes are for when I leave the house. Here at home, slippers all the time. When I was younger I went barefoot almost all the time. Now that I’ve become diabetic, I wear slippers as diabetics need to keep their feet in tip-top shape.

What was your favorite food when you were a child?

The only thing I can remember really looking forward to eating was my dad’s chili. He used to make the best chili and I loved it. We very rarely got dessert when we were kids but sometimes my mom would make baked apples. Yum! Those were my favorites as sweets.

Are you a listener or talker?

A listener. Always. I don’t talk that much, especially at gatherings. I’m the one you will find in a corner watching everyone until I can manage to get away. I have always found that I learn so many more things by just listening than by talking. People forget I’m around and talk freely. I’ve found out some very interesting things that way.

Favorite thing to (pick one):  Photograph?  Write? Or Cook?

It has to be to write. I love to write stories and flash fiction. I just love to write as anyone who really knows me knows. I’ve always been that way. I used to love to cook but as I grow older I find cooking to be highly overrated. LOL

 

 

 

That my friends ends another scintillating session on me. Oh, one more thing. If I haven’t answered your comments recently, I apologize. It seems WordPress is being difficult. Your comments aren’t always showing up and when they finally do I can’t seem to answer them from the drop down box on the upper right side. I have to go directly to the post and answer them. So I haven’t been ignoring you, it just takes time to track you down. Sorry.

 

 

 

Posted in poetry, postaday, writing

Hidden Pain ~~~ A Poem

Hidden Pain

 

She looks but doesn’t see

the hurt she dishes out with words

careless words spoken without thought

she doesn’t care

 

He agrees to everything

the anger stays hidden deep inside

words are not spoken for hours, days, weeks, years

Yet, he doesn’t miss the hurt the child receives

 

The small heart is broken, shattered, torn

words spoken so carelessly taken so far deep inside

tears fall silently, never seen by the woman who caused them

never-failing to try to make her change her mind

 

A woman hurting, even after a lifetime

wondering again as the hurt resurfaces countless times

tears falling inside to wet the damaged soul

asking the same old question that never got answered

 

Why did she dislike me so?

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blog challenge, Mi Vida Loca, questions and answers, writing

Questions and Answers

Hello, people! I do hope your weekend went well. On Mondays, I usually do Cee’s Share Your World post but unfortunately, Cee has been ill the last few days and will not be posting her famous Monday questions for us to answer.

So, I have decided to post some of my own questions with of course my answers to them. If anyone would like to answer the questions please feel free to do so!

Here we go……..

Have you ever played a practical joke on anyone?

No, not that I recall. If I have it wasn’t on purpose. I’m terrible at practical jokes or joke telling.

What is your most essential appliance?

I was going to say my refrigerator but then I thought, well I have gone without one for a while, it can be done.

For this house right now I would have to say the microwave. I use that thing every single day, several times a day. The husband uses it more than me. Or my coffee maker, although again I have made coffee on the stove before and can if I have to. It doesn’t make the best coffee, though.

Have you ever been in a newspaper? 

No. Probably the only time I will ever be in a newspaper is the obit section.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

Free. No, really. I wanted to be free. I’m still not sure I made it. If you mean career wise, well, like most kids I had phases. I wanted to be in the Navy for the longest time but I couldn’t pass the physical (bad hearing). I also wanted at one time to be a vet but was afraid that all those hurting and abused animals would just tear me up too much.

Then I decided I wanted to be a secretary (that’s what we call administrative assistants back then. I’m not sure what they call them now.)

Was that for a few years, hated it…plus I refused to make coffee for the boss. He didn’t appreciate it.

I always wanted to be a writer but I knew even back then one very rarely makes enough money doing that but it didn’t stop me from dreaming.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Wouldn’t be much of a secret if I knew, now would it? I have no idea but I very much doubt it. I’m not the kind of woman who men (or women for that matter) fall for and are afraid to step forward and say so.

What’s the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

I have had lots of unusual conversations. I seem to draw that out in people. I’m open to discuss pretty much anything, unusual or not.

My most unusual? Hm, I think I would have to say the most unusual was when I was much younger and my best friend and roommate was in her mental breakdown and we discussed her hallucinations. We discussed what she saw and what they were saying to her. This was all while she was in the middle of her breakdown and I was trying my best to calm her down so she wouldn’t kill me.

Looking back I would have to say, yeah, that was the most unusual. It saved my life, though, I firmly believe that.

Are you a bad loser?

I don’t like to lose. Who does? I don’t think I’m a bad loser. I mean I don’t throw cards in card games or swear (much) or pout. I’m used to losing. Terrible thing to say, eh?

Do you have any superstitions?

I would love to say….no. But, if I’m being completely honest I am somewhat. I do believe that if you think negative thoughts it will come back on you. That might be karma.

I’m not superstitious about black cats or walking under ladders or any of that kind of stuff. I’m superstitious about universal things, like karma.

I don’t throw salt over my shoulder (my ex MIL used to do that). Or my grandmother always said not to put a hat on a bed as it would bring bad luck. I don’t own any hats so I don’t think I have to worry.

I do kind of believe in special numbers and what they mean. I don’t know if that qualifies as superstitious. Probably does.

Are you good at keeping secrets?

Yes, I am. Very good. Some I’ve been carrying around for too many years to count. Others are more new.

So, if you have a secret you are dying to tell someone, I’m your gal!

Have you ever used the yellow pages?

I’m old. Used to be the only way to find a business’s phone number. Now I just Google stuff.

So the answer would be ….yes, of course I have. Sometimes I still do.